Archives for December 11, 2013

Until I Loved 7.11.84

You were my very first love;

Who knew after bieng years apart I’d still miss us;

Even though you hurt me so;

And I was forced to let you go;


I still don’t know why we fell apart;

Was it mine or your fault;

We are now just distant friends;

When I wish we could be more again;


When we meet by chance I have to pretend;

That I’m fine since you left;

When in truth memories flood my mind whenever I hear “Never Gonna Leave Your Side”, by Daniel Beddingfield;

I remember buying you that cd;


Never thinking a month later you would leave me;

People say I could do much better;

But they never loved you so I don’t care;

Your personality is one of a kind;


Can’t seem to find another like it, girl I’ve tried;

Life experience has made me wise;

Wish we could meet again and I could erase me from your mind;

And we could have another try;


I know we can make it work this time;

You feel different;

I tried so many times to change your mind but you refused to listen;

You have the qualities of a mother, most work to earn in a lifetime you were born with it;


I always complimented you on this;

It’s the little things you did that I miss;

I wish things didn’t end like it did;

I should have left you alone when you said we were through;


But I was young, you were my first and only love so I never knew;

I thought by chasing after you;

Would show you my love for you is true;

I should have walked away;


Maybe you would have come back someday;

We were both young, foolish mistakes we both made;

Both of us were to blame;

No matter who I loved my love for you never changed;


Nothing could extinguish this flame;

In my heart you still remain;

Although I don’t call as much as I used too;

It’s only because you made it clear you don’t feel like I do;


Chasing faded love would only make me a fool;

Even though I play it off and act cool;

Like I’m over me and you;

I still love you;


7.11.84, you are still the one my heart beats for;

I may not show it, but I wish yours would be the next call;

Even if I’m sure you don’t feel anything for me anymore;

I’m pushing pride aside and I’m letting you know you still have the key to my hearts door;


I never knew love until I loved 7.11.84


Betrayed, My Cold Ways Explained

People can’t understand my cold ways;

So let me take a moment to explain;

Bullet holes in my soul left me tattared and scarred;

I trusted those I kept close and they betrayed my heart;


The lies they fed me was the underlying cause;

Nigga’s I considered brother’s were backstabbers and pretenders,it’s their fault;

Mamma keeps asking will I ever change;

I say yeah but it’s clear I’ll always be the same;


She lost her little boy, I can see the sadness in her eyes;

Her mind flooded with questions of why;

Not even her fault but she ended up with the consequences;

All because of the enemies that I once called friends;


Lately I trust no one and respect few;

Nobody seems to understand my point of view;

They say I’m heartless and don’t care;

They avoid me in fear of my cold stare;


I never chose this, life’s just unfair;

I’m not asking for sympathy;

Now it’s far too late for you to care about me;

I’m a result of cursed seed;


Just another thug nigga raised by the street;

I ain’t mad, it’s what made me;

I took all the bullshit and flipped it for my benifit;

I took the curses and turned them to blessings;


If I could I wouldn’t change a thing;

The friends I met along the way;

Are the few that made the dark days easier to take;

So to my dogg’s I salute you for never walking away;


No I don’t need a book full of friends to be happy;

I know who I am and I ain’t afraid to be lonely;

It’s safer to ride solo;

People can’t be trusted, most are selfish and cold;


So i’d rather be on my own;

Nigga’s who threw me aside and regarded me a nothing;

Now hitting me up trying to be my best friend;

I got one question, Where were you when I need you back then?;


Now that I’ve made it;

You want to be my associate;

But it’s too late;

You should have seen my potential before you chose to underestimate;


You thought you broke me and that I’d never rise;

But you only bruised me and opened up my eyes;

You were my motivation;

The pain you caused me is now my inspiration;


I thought I needed you just to survive;

When it was you who tried to end my life;

Nigga’s I called friends tried to jack me;

So fuck peace, you chose to be my enemy;


Those who don’t understand my cold ways;

I’m a result of someone who was betrayed;

So before you judge me by the cold stares on my face;

Take time to understand the reasons I’ve just explained

Change Came Even If It Came Late (Dedicated To Kirsten)

Since the first day we met and locked eyes;

I knew you were going to change my life;

Beauty like yours I still have to find;

Such perfection I’ve never seen and it blew my mind;


You stole away the morning star’s shine;

I couldn’n’t believe you were mine;

You were so out of my league;

But yet you fell for me;


What do you do when you aren’t ready for God’s blessing;

He answered my prayers when He sent you, an answer I wasn’t expecting;

I was so used to waiting;

I thought God stopped listening;


When we started dating I was expecting another dissapointment;

I prepared myself for another heart break;

That’s why I never gave you my heart right away;

I was on the defensive just in case;


No matter how you tried, you couldn’t get me to fall in love the same;

Plus I was still damaged and a prisoner of my yesterdays;

I didn’t want to tell you in fear of you walking away;

I couldn’t rise from one more heart break;


I tried to make it work but my heart was in another place;

Instead of love I hurt you and left tear stains on your face;

Crying to God, pleading for Him to help me change;

You couldn’t understand why I was doing you that way;


I wasn’t sure myself, I was broken with and just trying to subside the pain;

Slowly our love started to fade;

You held on out of sympathy and through the hurt stayed;

You knew about my past and you didn’t want to do me the same;


Until it got too much and you walked away;

I admit you took my heart with you that cold march day;

I tried to get you back but I managed to push you further away;

It’s been years since and I’ve never heart another girl again;


Didn’t want to miss another angel like you just in case she came my way;

God heard your cries for me to change;

I’ve become who you wanted me to be back in the day;

Change came even if It came too late;


on wings

its like i found him
was he always there
like a shadow
without a stare

its magic
whenthe blinkers remove
why not sooner
hes in the groove

flying high to see it all
but low enough incase a fall
life so precious
having a ball

dont want to die
love this space
god leave me never

thank full for all of this
and breath
may it last for ever
life without death

Praises Sent To The Sky

Jesus, He loves me more than He should;

He looks past all the bad things that I do;

As I look upon His face;

All I can see is mercy accompanied by grace;


A love that never seems to fade;

That washes all my guilt away;

Goodness that surpass all understanding;

And relentless faithfulness everlasting;


He has never failed me once;

Even when I fail Him, He always welcomes me back like the prodical son;

He blesses me as though it’s a must;

He has made me fall in love with Him because of all His unconditional love;


Even before I know that I’m in trouble, He sends help from up above;

There’s something about His name;

Like the sweet fragrance after the rain;

So I send praises on high;


Just to see Him smile;

Because before I ever called Him Father, He called me child.