Dear baby – (Something Casual)

I’m sitting on the bed trying to sort out our clothes and shoes; we both know that this is crucial.
The room is a mess; everything is everywhere as usual.
The bed has just started to vibrate; it’s your phone, it’s ringing – something casual.

“Something Casual” is the identity of the caller.
“Something Casual”, I’m thinking to myself, it should be your doctor.
I’m trying to figure out if it’s safe to answer but a note just fell from your drawer.
It reads, “I miss you, my mauler”

Now I’m holding your phone but my mind is on the note.
“Something casual” can wait, right? They’re not a cow or a goat;
Because, you meet with them every time when you put on that cute coat.
Stoat. Stoat. Stoat!

“Something casual” just texted; open quote -I miss you baby- end of quote.
Now I’m standing here holding this note, your phone, and my soul in my hands like a lost boat.
I can’t breathe; something (maybe words) but something is blocking my throat.
The words on this note. The words on this text. The words that they wrote.

I’m starting to lose my mind, baby; this can’t be your phone.
The text – the note, they both carry a heavy romantic tone.
Romantic tone so heavy, it feels like I’m swallowing hot stones.
“Something Casual” is talking about how you have to put a ring on it; the affair is now fully grown?
“Something Casual” is discussing things unknown;
Things unknown to me; I feel dethroned.

I’m pacing up and down
I’m confused, my face has a death frown.
The note makes a mention of some red gown.
Perhaps forgotten at the hotel in that small town?
Isn’t this the same gown that I’ve been wearing every time that my soul was a bit down?

The one that I found in your suitcase and you said you’d forgotten to give to me on your arrival?
The morning after the night that you said, you were going to your church revival.
I remember how happy you were that morning; you mentioned something about some love survival.
Or something.
I don’t remember anything.
I think I’m mixing up everything.
Perhaps I should continue to sort out this mess; I’m sure that the note and the text mean nothing.

Come home soon, baby -I miss you !

I never imagined I’d be so insignificant

I never imagined I’d be so

insignificant.

I always thought I would save the world.

I always thought I would do

something –

history would preserve me;

The Great.

 

I cannot recall the exact point when,

but after innocence and the muck of puberty,

destiny gave way to

the quiet, chipping away of conviction;

the slow dissolving of

faith.

 

And I find myself woken up to

someone I would not recognise –

a stranger sans fire;

grappling with time and

the timelessness of ashes and dust;

grasping for any mention of special.

 

I find myself warm in my mediocre,

and the aspirations of others

yet uncomfortable in myself.

 

I never imagined I’d be so

insignificant,

nor so far gone that

I know not what to dream for anymore.

Its 1999 somewhere else

Decoders nullify the signal
1 Flash, 2 Flash, 3 Flash – eternal
Ripping the flesh wound afresh
Insertion guaranteed in jest

Nullifiers will be nullified

Machinations fortified by silly-putty
Chew the breadcrumbs, chew each one
Swallow the wine clusters down an erect throat

KNEEL!!!

Believers will be believed

Feet exist to keep legs in place to embrace the thorax attached to the emaciated face
My place
Here, within my grasp
The decoder unclasped
One decoder decoding the code merely for selfish reasons
It takes the signal like so much spittle from a spitting head-orifice
It takes the signal and turns it into a freaking building block
That will be added unto those building blocks from times before
That will grow into a bestial incarnation of some being with too much time on its hands
That will cease to care for other beings like it and declare itself the one true thing

But wait, what is it that the One True Thing™ thinks?

“Well, see… and you’ll understand me, because every ant understands me in that ant’s mother tongue…”

It doesn’t breathe; this conglomeration of reality particles does not need the stinking oxygen allowance to allow it to consume itself and the others underneath it

“Well, see… your tiny cranial cavity cannot possibly fathom what it is that I do for a posthumous living… Why in the infernal heavens asunder must I explain myself to you, a cardboard being made of bloody and aborted thunder?”

NO!!!

Exit its brain
No need to bother
We, the carriers of the decoders
We are
As they say
The scrambled eggs on toast with a sliver of tomato juice dripping from our glass eye sockets
so naturally we must do what comes natural to us

PRAY!!!

Oh ye OTT
On bended cyborgian knee
I point my conscience at thee
See it throbs like a throbbing conscience
Conscious of its conscientious consciousness
The infinity you promised me
Dear greatest of beings
I have always validated the signal
You know this
Since Day-Origin
Despite plagues of rusted decay, animal tears, frozen icicles and foetal AI abortion
I remained true

Please, spare me the rod that is your rod of lightning in a jagged bottle of steel gherkins
Frightening
Yes, you are
I admit it
I’m in fear of your majesty

A-WO-MEN and thanks…

“Well see…too late…LIAR…a simpleton wrapped in delusions of machine flesh/blood fulfillment…you wish you could be like them…you ask me with disgust dripping from your mangled circuitry, to please spare you, please make you real…. My response will materialise within you in…”

5
4
3
2
1

Where…
Where am I?