I am not an African

I am not an African
In fact I don’t like being an African
It’s so limiting
I am not an Indian
In fact i don’t like being an Indian
It’s so narrow
I am not even human
If being human means bekng limited
By definition
I am not my religion
it is so ancient
And sometimes not in a good way
I am not conjoined by race or creed
Not defined by race or greed
Of definition I have no need
I am not even myself
For that is selfish
In a fishy kind of way
I am not my consciousness
In an unconscious kind of way
I am not nothing
And I am not something
Not even everything
I am not a riddle
Or even an answer
and not a question
I am not my thoughts
Or what I am thought of
I am not this and certainly not that

Still Searchin’

A cynic in my youth
Profusely searching for the truth
Wouldn’t believe without any proof
I concluded that everything was untrue
Soon addicted to feeling blue
Ooh the crazy things that I would do
Made me look like an ignorant fool
Oh but the world did not have a clue
That like them, I too
Was subjected to a reality so cruel
So harsh it broke me in two

Things went from bad to worse
Money disappeared from my purse
“It’s because you don’t tithe “, said the church
There they go again, looking down on me like I’m dirt
Thinking the only way to ‘save’ is to hurt
And to pierce the heart with judgmental words
Alienating the Spirit with their curbs
‘Causing separation through ideas they birthed
From their mind into a perplexed earth
While they shun all attempts to search
For the truth. The truth was sent to its grave, it traveled by hearse

Confusion reigned in the mind of this lost
Girl. Every night I’d turn and toss
Couldn’t comprehend: Blood shed for a cost?
Wandering around, where do I go Boss?
Kingdom Hall, Cathedral or Mosque?
Searching, searching not for the truth, but a box
Somewhere to hide while I detox
Remove all the toxins – a much welcomed loss
Of appetite for poisonous talks
I want to take off my shoes, take long walks
After my period of hibernation to get rid of this albatross.

The road to recovery will not be instant
It take wisdom, patience and persistence
To appreciate the journey, spread the word, make a difference.

I’m still searchin’
Learning
Living and loving