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I never imagined I’d be so insignificant

I never imagined I’d be so

insignificant.

I always thought I would save the world.

I always thought I would do

something –

history would preserve me;

The Great.

 

I cannot recall the exact point when,

but after innocence and the muck of puberty,

destiny gave way to

the quiet, chipping away of conviction;

the slow dissolving of

faith.

 

And I find myself woken up to

someone I would not recognise –

a stranger sans fire;

grappling with time and

the timelessness of ashes and dust;

grasping for any mention of special.

 

I find myself warm in my mediocre,

and the aspirations of others

yet uncomfortable in myself.

 

I never imagined I’d be so

insignificant,

nor so far gone that

I know not what to dream for anymore.

4000 walls

1
I wandered the plaster path to nowhere
As always,
Counting the bricks of days,
Tracing my finger along the indent
Between them where the cement is lain.

How secure!
What a foundation!
‘The basest of bases’
I thought to myself as I
Counted the bricks of days
As always…

One two three four five six seven
And thought of that number
That made me ponder heaven
So I raised my eyes
To find
I had forgotten about the roof.

2
The cage growing
The house metastasize metastasize
The earth becomes a house and all grows
But me

…As the roof stretches across the sky
Blocking the stars
And the sun.

3
Brick by brick, I die
Moment to moment, I lie
Stagnate.
Waiting for my bed to finally
Swallow me.

Window to window, I try.
Brick by brick, I die
As all goes by.

And the house metastasize metastasize.
The roof stretches across the sky
Blocking God.

The refrigerator feeds
On me, feeds on me
And I forget why
There are windows while I am blind.

The house live,
I die.

Sitting still and eyeing the fireplace
While the roof stretches across
The entire goddamn sky.