Archives for October 2013

Truth About A Thug

Rolling in a gang aint about doing crime or acting bad;

It’s about finding the kind of love you never got from your dad;

Getting high or doing drugs ain’t about addiction, it’s not about that;

It’s to subside the pain of a troubled past;

 

I got love for my fam, it’s not that I didn’t care;

I’m saying my dad should have been there;

As a son I needed love in my younger years;

I was too young to understand life or handle those tears;

 

I did what I had to do just to survive;

My heart grew cold from the effects of a hard life;

I was schooled by the streets;

I ain’t mad, it’s what eventually made me;

 

It’s where I was taught the way of the game;

I wouldn’t have it any other way;

I still thank God for the troubled past I endured everyday;

Some say I’m cold and corrupted;

 

But none of you know me like my thug brothers;

I have a strong but peaceful heart;

I just use my mind, control my ego and think smart;

Only have a few I call friends;

 

People took advantage of my gullible heart cause I let anyone who smiled in;

Now I show you who I want you to see;

So you never have another chance to ever get the best of me;

I wasn’t born cold or cruel;

 

This world turned me against you;

Just like an addict, he was never born that way;

This cold world flipped him and his heart went astray;

I don’t look down on addicts or my homeless brothers;

 

I can relate so I understand their struggles;

A broken heart can destroy the strongest of men;

I know cause I used to be one of them;

I was never fed from a golden spoon;

 

I hustled hard to escape the poverty of the hood;

See I gave up my dream, my future, my studies for a bitch I thought was down for me;

But she rolled and cheated on me with my best friend;

I had to fight the tears, take it like a man and start all over again;

 

I could have decided fuck this world and turn to crime;

But I chose the legal way and worked had to gets mine;

Worked 12 hours in the daylight;

Went to night school for 2 years every night;

 

Weeks on end I couldn’t afford to eat;

Paid rent and studies with my less than average salary;

See an uneducated brother with a criminal past can’t get a decent job;

But I had to do what I had to just to reach the top;

 

You came to late you only see the credits rolling and consider my life a love story;

You never saw the start only saw the glory;

So think before you choose to judge me;

Nothing in this life ever comes easy;

 

Those who claim it does are selling empty pipe dreams;

My smile hides the pain you never see;

I’m stronger today because of the struggles God sent me;

Those hard times showed me my strongest attributes;

 

Leanrt to use my mind and drop my attitude;

Wisdom came at the price of  tears I cried;

Learnt to read actions not believe people’s lies;

You can try and sell me anything you like;

 

I won’t believe a word you say, learnt to trust no one in this life;

Real friends I call brothers I only have a few;

Nightman, Kat, Patat, Zano and Ronnie;

My nigga’s I just want to thank all of you;

 

For never giving up on me no matter how I treated you;

Some day soon my name will be associated with fame;

And for all you did for me I’ll be able to repay;

We will sit back and laugh about our past days;

 

As we sip expensive liquor and smoke cuban cigars;

Riding around with drop top sports cars;

As I move up I’ll never leave you’ll behind;

We move as one until the end of time;

 

You’ll showed me love when the world threw me aside;

You had my back everytime cowards tried to end my life;

You’ll will always have the biggest part of my heart;

You’ll are the reason I made it this far;

 

People only see the end and never the troubled start;

If it wasn’t for you’ll I’d have been buried in an early grave;

So I thank you’ll not for money or fancy things but for the love you gave;

It’s the emotional deposits that mean more to me today;

 

I got all the money I want or need;

I got bitches every night beside me;

I learnt in the end when you’re alone at night money don’t mean a damn thing;

It’s my niggas who showed me love that mean more than material things to me;

 

So I salute my nigga’s who stuck by my side;

Who never left me alone even if it was at the cost of their own life;

So from me to you it’s ride till I die;

Niggas for life until the Lord calls my name and it’s time to say goodbye.

 

Momentary Insanity

I smile broadly in disguise of this pain
I’m residing inside the sea
A sea
Made out of my own tears
Tears
Which I cry for you

It has been over a year
Yet I still find myself waking up in the middle of the night

Calling for you

Curled up in my pillow

Seeking for you

Hoping to find you

On the other side of the bed

Desire running through my vains
Quivering for your embrace
Thirsty for your lips
Longing to hear your soft voice
Saying “please hold me”

Everything seems familiar
But incomplete without you

I dream of you often day and night
I wish all of this was just a nightmare
Cause in the morning it would be over
And you would be here with me
I no longer know when I’m asleep or awake
Am I sleeping or awake now?
I don’t know

I apologize
I didn’t know you were unhappy
Momentary insanity
must have been the reason I caused you pain

I surrender
I was wrong
Save me from my misery
Save me from this insanity

Please come home.

If I was your lover, Miss

If I was your lover, Miss
I would beam at the rise of my hand
To the soreness of nothing on you
And give you warmth in sun and moon
That from the aphelia be heard
To which winds and barks acquiesce

I would caress your rear and some
For many nights in silence of tongue
And bring us vittles and brews
From the echt nigh merchant
So we needn’t go hungry and athirst,
Somewhere ‘tween our pleasures

If I was your lover, Miss
We’d make sojourns of pleasance
To many shores of fair weathers
Pressuring our palms in parallels
And gaze at the stars on our tolerance
To forever rest in serenity of days

One bad news away from insanity

The commotion in my psyche is beyond strenuous
I get temptations of repugnant conduct
My better-half also confirmed my heart’s melancholy
On this, would you be gentle Mother Nature?
Take me wing, soon as I slam my sight

My engagement in collection of ignominy
Has been a unremitting excursion
Which so long as I live through
Shall embrace me in its tender pain

I went in and out of infirmaries
Every time I woke with just a perfect pelt
To which white-coated folks cheered
With little acquaintance of my valid condition

Oh liberty! Why do you shy away in this
Have you no espy of my affairs
Even when with conviction I assert
That should I gather one more dire truth
Those of reasonableness shall embrace my presence?

I have seen my lady

I have seen my lady many times
Strutting her hair in pride and chimes
It is my heart she’s giving beats
My emotions like the sun she heats

I have seen my lady many times
Every hour of sight stopping times
Wishing for a second to impress
For some more I would depress

Yes I have seen my lady at a time
When her eyes were of the colour lime
Marvelling what language she could say
But whichever, I wanted her to stay

The Wise Fool

Here we still lie
Soaked with the sores of his huge unfulfilled promises
After the hazardous wars we have inflicted on our dear brothers
To sow on his head a glittering ring of gold.
We were told our heaps of feeder roads
Tiled with the beauty of highly toxic pot holes
Shall be filled with golden granite
But here they lie as tanks of yellowish water
Our edible water that brew mud and stench he said
Were to be healed by the magic herbs of purity
Yet here lie thousands serving as dormitories to typhoid and guinea worm
When the honorable read our bones
He said we shall be fed from anus to throat
To cure the miseries of our hunger
Yet we are compelled to banish the cruelty of our hunger with the little saliva our glands can breed
We were told a balanced education will be bestowed on the brains of our wards freely
To let them reap highly waged jobs
Yet here lies a mountainous pile of them
Rendering us vices as services
For they are graduates of no education
Not the good drainage gadgets and silver built lavatories he talked of has reformed our poor sanitation.
An enormous mortuary and cemetery have been built to treat our health.

We have not scratched your back to have ours been deserted
We have demonstrated with the posters of our tears to amass your favour
Yet we are blessed with the agonies of no change
Please appease us with a worthy ritual
Before the tempest of our anger blows you to the gallows!

The Songbird and the Stream

“Good Morning”, sang the songbird.
“Good Morning”, rumbled the stream.
Where on such a glorious day shall we go?
I will go where the wind takes me.
And I will go where the current flows.
And that is where they went.
To wherever the wind blows and the current ends.
Drifting and flying they went.

Winter Mornings

Your love is sweet like vanilla
Which flowed in my veins.
The way you say my name…
Like it’s somehow safe in your mouth
You treat me like winter mornings
Like one hand on my knee as you drive
Like blissful childish laughter.
The way you clutched me at the waist
And murmured; “I love you forever.”
Like a secret that tied us simultaneously.

But just like winter you left …
Your love for me was figurative, licentiousness.
You jilted like everyone else.
And I’m now wrecked to the bone.
How long is forever?
The corrugated blue lines have become so prominent.
The way blood just oozes out of it
The same way your love did…

Ending Beginnings

She once sang a happy song,” I know you’ve got me and you won’t let me slip”. She jumped up and down in her colourful dress as she got ready for church. In her tiny eyes lay the world, still cant figure out whose world it was.

She continued to sing as though she stood to send a message to “some greater power”. “I know my existence is by the persistence of grace”, she continued humming. Those words pierced my heart, sat and nested in my brain. It was as though secretly she wished to remind me that not all lies within the control of our flesh and that we belonged to an unknown greater power. I wondered whether our existence was not purely by poor birth control and our departure a random event. is our course indeed pre-planned and will we grow weary of running from our destinies? I will not trouble myself with that which no man ever lived to describe.

Couldn’t help but admire the tiny being whose vocal cords perfectly articulated the words of a song that plays endlessly in my mind. i imagine her rushing home one day, screaming mom I want to be a singer and the words “be an accountant first” quickly wiped off the dreamer in her face. She would frown and walk away but I will patiently wait for the day she understands it was all out of love.

And then it rained heavily. Unbearable rain drop sounds against my steel roof. I worried that she would come home with stubborn mud stains on that bright dress. I sat and kept wondering which punishment would best suit “this occasion”. Then the phone rang again, still I hesitated to pick it up, I had heard stories about phones during thunderstorms. Then the door bell rang, I rushed. My eyes met a stranger who’s said “I know nobody wishes to see me in their yard but it’s my job. I have done this a thousand times but I’ll pretend to be sympathetic.” With him he brought the last pieces of the colourful dress and the rest laid covered under the dreadful silver wrapping on some cold street, exposed for all to see the beginnings of my misery. I guess this time grace could not succeed.

“Alles Is Diep Nxa” (Dedicated To All My “Bruin Ou’s” Best Race Ever)

My own people threw me to the wayside;

So I turned to the street life;

In 1994, racsist hate was everyday strife;

People couldn’t understand why I chose that way of life, I was called a traitior by the whites;

 

I didn’t care, my coloured brothers showed me love without question even though I was light;

But I’m glad life took me that way;

Guess God knew I was never a fan of race hate anyway;

Although I hated my own race for apartheid;

 

I love my coloured niggas and that will never change;

Best race that outclasses them all even today;

They are smarter than the average playa;

They have the hottest women and you can’t even argue that case;

 

Bruin ou’s ain’t afraid to end your life, but they embrace peace;

They are all about loyality;

They know the essence of true humor, most are born to be funny;

Yet they got dying love for their community;

 

I love my coloured people cause without question they accepted me;

So to all the “bruin ou’s” from all the hoods and from every street;

I’m your biggest fan believe me;

You had my back when my own people disowned me;

 

Kind of how the Isralites abandoned Jesus;

Now I ain’t saying I’m Him;

But I’m showing love to a nation who adopted me so easily;

Nothing can beat your language;

 

Words if misunderstood can cause brain damage;

I learnt how to slang early, with blood I learnt to manage;

“Aweh, nxa ek’se” words that ooze class;

Yet if you reply wrong that could be the end of your ass;

 

In my days of youth;

As I was tryna earn respect in the hood;

My mouth caused alot of war, ignorace for a language I misunderstood;

Way before I knew the game;

 

Bieng white made it even harder to do;

Cause everyone wanted to test me as I was considred a fool;

But in time I earned respect, so I could cruise in the hood;

Things other whites could never do;

 

Earned my stripes through blood from them street dudes;

Grew up hated as an outcast in school;

Hated by teachers and most pupils;

All because I rolled with a coloured crew;

 

But I didn’t care, cause my niggas had my back that’s all I knew;

If shit went south whites left you standing in a middle of a fued;

But with my coloured niggas it’s ride or die, it’s how they do;

If you run from a fight and abandon your crew, the next one they gunning for is you;

 

So to all my “Bruin Ou’s” stay true;

This white nigga, your adopted son loves everyone of you;

You loved me when I had no where to turn too;

“Aweh my brasse, bly skangaka, dus al wat ek vra, forget everyone else, cause every one of you were already born diep nxa, die ander naaiers haat julle want hulle is jela”…..