I am

Fear is my first memory
I couldn’t tell you when it started
Constant
Falling to the floor,
Tears broke free when they knew better
Pain
I couldn’t tell you why

Perfection was my aim,
I couldn’t tell you how often
Daily,
Sickly sweet cereal poured over my black satin strands
Degradation
I couldn’t tell you why

Protection was not a concern
I couldn’t tell you how that hurt
Gun aimed, my vomit brimming
Enough
But it wasn’t the end
Terror
I couldn’t tell you why

Love was not on offer
I couldn’t tell you how I searched
Constant
Called ugly, useless, slut, f*!@# piece of shit!
Replay
I couldn’t tell you why

Dreams were on hold
I couldn’t tell you how they are forgotten
Lost
Deep punches, left breathless
Haunted
I couldn’t tell you why

Life was unbearable
I couldn’t tell you why I’m here
Broken
Head pounded on a wall
Sadness
I couldn’t tell you why

What I could tell you is everytime though,
I’d hear a ringing thought
“I am Ravona Naidoo”