Her world

The sun was shining and the birds were singing on that day. There she was, across the street. She sat on the pavement as though waiting for something or someone. Day in and day out I watched her but no one came. Seasons came and left but still she did not move. On one summer day, she stood and stared into space as though looking toward a future she once had.

One morning, I did my usual routine and thought just maybe it were time for me to talk to her. I paced up and down the stairs not knowing what I would say to and whether or not she would even talk to me. I ran to the door and stood there for an hour, then a day and before I knew it I had been standing there for an entire week.

“Tina! Are you there?” It was Mrs. Cook. She comes to see me every day. I do not know why she comes because she never has anything to say to me besides the usually “hi Tina” and the “the weather is so beautiful outside”. She scares me. It is as though she knows my fear and is pushing me to face and maybe conquer them. “TINA!” She carried on knocking.  For a sixty five year old she knocks very hard and loud. I went up stairs to change and ran back down the stairs and stood at the door.

“Mrs.Cook! What a lovely surprised. I was not expecting to see you.” That’s what I would say to her all the time. She must have known my script the same way I know hers. Today she looked different, I could not put my finger on what it was but I sensed that she was not here for a casual visit. “Oh Tina, I just came to say goodbye.  My husband and I moving into a nice little cottage at a retirement home on the other side of town.” She said. I stood there startled. I had dreamt of this day for as long as I can remember but never had I thought she was going to leave me.

A month after Mrs.Cook left, stepped out the door and went to the girl across the road. She took my hand and held it. Before I could say a word to her she said “set me free, it is time. Do not hold on to me. You need to move on from this scene in your life. I can not sit on this pavement forever”. “What are you talking about? I do not know you. Who are you?” I said to her. She stood up and stared into my eyes and said “I am the little girl trapped in that cage you call a heart. I am the memories that bring tears to your face. I am the one holding you back from yourself. It took you long to come and face me because you did not want to let me go.” At this moment I thought she was a deranged young girl who was doing drugs. She fixed herself up and started walking away. “Wait! I didn’t get your name” I shouted as she disappeared into the light.

“Tina” a voice whispered in my ear multiple times. “Wake up sweet,  it’s time to go home now” the voice continued. I opened my eyes and saw my mother standing before me. “All her stuff are in this bag. She has come a long way and she is ready to go home now.” a nurse said to my mother. “Did you hear that Tina, you are coming home with me.” my mother said as she hugged me. “Let’s go home mum.” I said.

I understand

I understand is a phrase that I am starting to find hard to say.

I understand I say:
I understand I say when you make me question my sense of self-worth,
I understand I say as you slowly chit away years of independence,
I understand I say when you attack my identity and yet want to lay the blame on me.

I understand I say:
I understand I say when you introduce doubt to my convictions,
I understand I say when you blame your mistakes on me,
For how could you have done that if not for me?

Yet I see no way out.
Confined by expectation and fear.
I have built a prison much stronger than iron bars.
I understand.
I understand is a phrase that I am starting to find hard to say.

To Fear

Evaporate.
Detach yourself from the memories i cling on.
You were never good enough for me.
The comfort I found in the corners of my darkest shadows,
Well, today breaks dawn of a whole new world.
As we divide, I deposit you in the brightest, shiniest days of my past,
And let you hang around the neck of my fears and hope gravity is never defied.
I shall seek self in the origins of mine
And let the wisdom in your words dissipate and attach itself to the air i exhale…
The seed that was left for life to water, Got better with age,
I now see what is for what it really is.
I now fear not.

My envy for the unknown

I lie behind the tall mountain tops
And long to drift beyond the seas
I duck and dive from the roots of my birth tree
And place myself under the shadow of one that is unknown to me
I stretch my eyes to the sky above
With a desire to follow the birds beyond the seas
I diverge my thoughts from the sunset which seems black and white to me
And admire one which my mind sees as marigold
I drink from the well, only the ones like me drink from
Dissolving its tastes into my taste buds
Adopting customs, whose backgrounds are unknown
I block out all which I could see
And envy a world invisible to me
Blinded by the mountain tops before me

If You’d Just Keep Quiet

If you’d just keep quiet-
Our kids would learn to trust
you again,
You’d restore the peace under
our roof,
You’d save our marriage.

If you’d just keep quiet-
You’d solve most of your
problems instead of focussing
on everyone else’s,
You’d do much better at your
job and earn the respect you
think you deserve.

If you’d just keep quiet-
You would have so much more
time on your hands to achieve
all you want to achieve,
You’d control your tongue
and save us a whole lot of
hurt.

If you’d just keep quiet-
You’ make better decisions
and learn from those mistakes
you so often make,
The sun and moon would
smile at you every day of your
life.

If you’d just keep quiet-
You’d be better able to control
your destiny,
You’d break free from your
own bondage,
You’d be able to handle life’s
complexities.

If you’d just keep quiet, and
choose fewer words,
Your life would be a whole lot
easier than this,
You’d stay humble and be
exalted.

Caged Heart

I wish I could say that about you,
That you were my first true love,
But I can’t,
You are the dream that came too late into the morning,
The one interrupted too soon before I even knew what was going on,
I wanted so desperately to see how the dream turns out,
I was driven by my own weakness,
Immaturity,
Inexperience,
Desperation,
To close my eyes tighter and try,
Try not to awake from the dream,
I enjoyed the dream too much for my own good,
You were in it and you were it,
I wanted you there,
But as my eyes fluttered open I was back where I began,
The dream was history,
I could hardly remember the details of the dream,
All I wanted to do was be alone and sob,
Sob at the loss of something my heart thought it desired,
Cry for something taken away too soon,
Much like a rose snatched before it got to bloom,
It’s beauty can only be imagined as it will never get to be,
Again,
I imprison my hurting heart,
In an attempt to protect it,
My mind agrees never to do any more wishful thinking,
No more far fetched hopes.

Strangers on a path

Two strangers on a path,
together walk a mile,
stolen glances made,
laughter in silent thought shared.
Hand in hand, in silent march.
Whispers in the wind flutter and echoes through the night thunder.
hand in hand, in silent match towards a cherished dream.
Beknown to both a common plea,
shared by both in cavities deep.
Yet hand in hand they walk a mile,
in silent march,
with faces which speak of mountless tales.
At the crossroad backs do face,
in the absence of an embrace.
Two strangers on a path
hand in hand
in silent march.

EDUCATION MY MOTIVE

Abreast I am.
Committed I am.
So why not with me?
Passion and vision you demand.
Seeing less from them you crush out.

The waving feather settles firmly on you.
Tasting your fruitfulness are doctors.
Serving them with you are teachers.
Floating on top are engineers.
The juicy part of you abound.

Them mourn no more
Because you are alive.
Stress becomes the past
Because you renovate.
Morals you demand
And motive you serve.

Calling you procrastinator
Are who in your absence.
Fighting for your greatness
Are who knows your accent.

Your mission of filling orphaned heart
With happiness is aboard your minds.
You barge through bane
To camouflage poor with rich.

Just in time
You came to my presence.
Our camaraderie is animated
With the spirit of our own strength.

Oh!
How defined you are to me.
You are called the future.
Yes indeed you are.

Lover,Once Best Friend (7.11.84)

Girl it’s the smallest of things that bring me back to yesterday;

It’s not the big memories that make my heart break;

But those things I seemed to forget while you were mine;

They return like a flood within the confides of my lonely mind;

 

We met girl when we were both looking through childish eyes;

You needed to grow and so did I;

I wish we met today, perhaps we would have made it this time;

I’m a bit wiser, I’m a graduate of this place we call life;

 

Now perhaps we would fail but I’d sure like to try;

But I know you’ve moved on made a family with a new guy;

It’s hard to admit that you’re still one of the reasons I cry;

Your memory keeps me a hostage in bind;

 

In clubs spending banks full of cash till late at night;

Brushing five star stunners aside;

I’m sick of pointless one night stands;

When your the owner of this man’s foolish heart, hard to understand;

 

Even though I don’t understand the reasons why sometimes and it often makes me mad;

When your memory crashes into the sides of my heart like the sea into castles of sand;

I’ve tried to recover from our fall, I’m finally able to stand;

But I’m just a shadow of a man;

 

Hard to stand and watch another man love what was made just for me;

I put in all the work and he’s got all the benefits of our love story;

Seems so unfair but so goes life I guess so or that’s what I’ve come to see;

I wish for our younger days so what if the world said we ain’t meant to be;

 

Girl whenever your birthday comes around, I still wish upon a star;

Hoping my wish reaches you wherever you now are;

7.11.84 you stopped loving me a week after you left;

I kept loving you and it still hasn’t come to an end;

 

I just wish I had one last chance, one more moment in time my friend;

I wish you gave me a reason why we came to a sudden end;

Perhaps I could have changed whatever it was so we could be in love again;

Even though you’re long over me girl, I’m still missing my lover and once best friend.

Lord, I’m Here You Need Not Cry Alone

sat one winters night in June, warming myself up near an old fire place;

I was Meditating on You my Lord and this thought crossed my mind while my heart started to break;

I put myself in Your shoes for a little while and wondered who You turned too when tears fell from Your face;

I thought to myself, I’m sure You think about all those souls that were lost to hells flame;

 

Without anybody knowing You’d silenty hide Yourself away;

As tears fell from Your beautiful eyes, I wondered to myself to whom did You turn;

You see whenever I’ve cried tears that would slowly burn;

I;ve always had You there to wipe them away and ease my concern;

As I imagined You all alone, while Heaven was filled with joy, happy souls never even knowing that behind Your veil of tangible Glory, You sat crying all alone;

 

So I lifted up my voice to heaven,  even if I was acting like fool and it wasn’t really that way, Jesus, there’s something I wanted You to know;

My precious Savior, if ever You cry, know I’ll always be there to dry your beautiful eyes;

And If there’s no one that You can call in broken hear-ted times;

You can always call on me, I’ll always be waiting to hold You so tight;

 

I wonder if anyone thought like I;

That they have someone to turn too when they cry alone at night;

But did it ever once cross anyone of their minds;

That You made us in Your image, so You and I must be alike;

 

Jesus, please don’t cry alone again;

I’ll be here to help You ease the pain;

If You ever find Yourself within a another cloudy day;

Jesus just know I’ll be ever ready to hold You when tears start to break away;

 

You don’t need to cry alone anymore;

Like You may have so many times before;

I know in You I have everything, But Jesus You are The King Of All Kings, nobody can be Your Lord;

But I’ll be Your comfort if ever You need, You never have to cry alone again, when Your hearts broken and torn