You didn’t keep your eyes on your child
Time has tic-tocked since she went away
Because fatherless children sometimes wander off alone
There she was, her lips spewing words
So carelessly in prayer
Insisting that you were not some poltergeist
Some apparition of her lucid dreams
That you had a halo and set of wings
waiting for her somewhere

You didn’t try to move her
You didn’t try to pull the moon closer for her
Because lunar lights whisper sweet nothings to lonely girls
Though you once embraced her
her fists in your back,
her nails piercing the palms of her hands,
the absence of fathers is a killer.
Uncurl her, unbreak her, unclip her wings
Let sweet violence fall away

The beats, beating thumping stomping rhythm into pieces
Trumpets, bellowing throwing pungent notes bloating
Drum kits, belching pulses pulsating hope
Bodies, moving tortured tormentors mentors bending fendors
Cutting melody highs, laser knives, through eardrums wet with pleasure
Shrill fingers trill valves in halves cuffed
Feet tap-tap, like a boxer winding his left-left, no right hook
Pop-pop-pop, it goes musical popcorn adorning adoration
Feeling from left to right, right to left in clefting flights in sects
Stylish mid tempo suits, ties swigging swinging swagging and,
Waving madams away this way to oblivious frivolous royalties
back to ties lies, here lies church hymns joy with celebration
Rhyming in incantations coronated like a peacocked dictator
Sit back, rock your mind and listen.

Some days, I just want to die,
I am hurt and only way to escape is my death..
I know you loved me once, but I am nothing what you thought I am
and the pain in your eyes each time when u look at me
hurts me, its killing me slowly,.
your eyes says it all that this is not you always wanted,
I don’t know how to end what we started,
Only way to escape is death..
Becoz, we said once till death do us apart,
I feel it’s the time when we apart,
As for you I am just a bounce check,
a failure promise I am nothing what you wanted,
but you carrying on with me as you are too sweet to say it all,
but I can see it in your eyes.
so I wana die..slowly and slowly.
you will get the life you wish..
you will have the happiness and I will love u always
and we both be happy again in our own free word…

I long for the familiar smells of pots of stew cooking on the stove on cold winter days
Winds blustering and blowing,
Bodies reaching saturation point,
Hour long bus drives home,
Falling asleep with sheer exhaustion from the days learning.

I long for the hugs which always came when I felt the weakest
Strong, comfortable, reliable hugs,
Hugs that cushion not only the sadness, weariness and heartbreak
But those tight embraces that protect from the blows.

I long for the long holidays spent playing with siblings in the sanctity of our aloneness
The days spent being playful children, laughter permeating the walls,
Tumbles and tickles on beds that felt safe,
Days that led to nights which are not longed for,
But days that felt so good, that the dark night could come if it may.

I long for the constant stench of cigarette smoke soaked into pores
The well known fragrance of hugs and nicotine,
Not bad, not good, but familiar, real and constant,
Nervous energy infuses with the light hearted play
Causing a deep routed, life long dis-ease that lingers.

I long for the unconditional love that I called home for so long
The motherly love that nurtures and builds,
The care that made my bones strong and taught me to be a good mother,
Love that points you in the right direction, when pointing in the wrong direction seems natural.

I long for the uninhibited joy that was only allowed to surface when the monster was in the dock
The joy that made my heart feel light and carefree,
Like a child’s heart is meant to be,
The type of feelings you get when eating your favourite food, around your favourite people, talking about your favourite things,
The joy that stays in my heart and makes me love life despite all the reasons I shouldn’t.

You have assailed me once again,
unwittingly, unknowingly, I have become your willing victim
Though this time, I shall give you leave
and allow you the full reign
Haha! for I am in a jovial state of emotions!
I have met my earthly match
The one who melts me at a word
She matches me word for word
Her divine beauty,and her intellect
like the oceans, and the skies, is vast
and her smile, her gorgeous smile
as radiant as the night sky
sweeps me in and leaves me shamefully abashed
and her frame, her form,
so delicate and proportionate…..
and there I shall stop with the descriptions
But all these things
which I find an ease to write,
inspired and enthused as I am,
leave me speechless
when she is standing in front of me

It comes to this,
Me, admitting this; You, befitting this
You’ll wear it well, it suits you
so take it, my everlasting kiss

It comes to this,
I can’t look away,
your eyes will pierce right through me and see that I am real,
and here for you, my inner bliss

It comes to this,
I hear your voice, my heart so warm
like a raging fire, and i love to burn
as you burn away my emptiness

It comes to this,
I’m blushing brightly, too much to hide
I can’t wait to see you, I don’t know what I’ll do
I’m wild, I’m on fire, alive for you

It comes to this,
that you make me smile
you make my heart beat so fast
you make me want you
and it comes to this,
I don’t want anything more, I don’t want anything less
It’s you I want, I want you..
Jess