Archives for 2014

Boycott of Bliss

Audible colours
Wisps of euphoria
Slither through the air
And welcome her stare

And she does declare
Many moments have passed
And many words have been said
Yet her moral contradictions
Still ring in her head.

She favours the act
A crucible of painkillers
And a shot of cognac
Topped with pleasure
A Smooth sultry
Carnal endeavor

Though her mind still hovers
Between maybe and never
and her breath remains
As shallow as ever
Her boycott of bliss
Cannot last forever.

But it probably can.

Juda’s companies

My mind spins like the barrel of a powerful gun….

I worked for Capitec and Tag worldwide and saved these guys a ton….

The managers are insecure and instead of promoting me… they decided to run….

Setting me up to get fired because they truly are cunts.

I worked extremely hard to get to that point….
All these pussies could see is me taking their joint.

My level of thinking was a million times better than theirs….
So they plotted and schemed which I thought was unfair.

Now I’m unemployed and it really is truly dumb…..
But it’s not because I’m not hardworking ….

These managers were just scum.

Now here’s some advice and I leave you with this….

Being smart in a mediocre country ….
It’s truly a curse.

The oracle 707

Nobody trusts me with their secrets

I have been waking up every morning wishing and hoping that somehow I stumble upon love. Thando is the one who led me to date sites, they are an awful thing. I’m only hoping that Cupid be a little lenient on me and finds me a gorgeous girly girl lesbian, but that seems to be mission impossible. Thando said that if I wasn’t such an awful drunk and was an active looker any girly girl wouldn’t think twice about falling-in love with me. She says that the bottle does a good enough impersonation though of a lover for me, and that if I don’t wake up and smell ‘something’ I’ll wake up and see my whole life beyond me, and then I’ll be left in misery, constantly thinking about the life ‘I let go’. I tell Thando that I’m not an addict and that drinking is just a harmless hobby I’ve created for myself. She says that the bottle turns me into a loud uncontrollable fart that smells for an hour or two until the booze does everyone a favour and becomes my anesthetic. I tell her that I will be happy and that destiny has something waiting for me around the corner. She looks at me, “Sweetheart you have got to stop this destiny thing, look where it got you with Gabby,” she clears her throat and looks into my eyes and as if begging for my soul to escape my wounded heart she stares with gleam eyes, but Thando can read my eyes, so when she sees the uselessness of her exotic stare she withdraws wiping the tears onto her hands and whispers an apology.

We all have that one that got away, Gabby is that for me. Gabby was my sunshine and the moment she left I fell into a wilderness that restricted any kind of love or light, so the dating site became an exit strategy. The dating site allows me a little fun with no strings attached; just have to praise the person who came up with the concept, I bet you R10 that it was a guy. About the strings, I know you probably confused now, but it’s simple. The girls I have been finding are hot but they normally last a week even the ones that I like, so
I have disciplined myself on the concept of one night or week stands. The girls always leave angry, they say I’m charming on the site but in real life I’m a mess. So with that said I have welcomed that destiny will fix everything up in the future and therefore I have accustomed myself to the warmth of sex, nothing more but sex is my motto. I do miss being in-love, who wouldn’t miss being the top of someone else’s priorities?

I eased myself into alcohol right after I found Gabby cheating with a guy, he was handsome so I’ll give her that. She ended up marrying the douchebag though; we had dated for five years and she had turned me down three times. It was always the excuse that she wasn’t ready, her mother wouldn’t come anyways- as if her mother was Mother Theresa, but none the less I respected her wishes. She married the guy after a year of officially dating. Whilst I mourned for my love, Thando made sure that Snowy (my dog) and I ate, Gabby gave her the name- the dog that is, we had shared her but she was ultimately Gabbys’. Her husband never wanted the dog, so she left our baby with me and never did she once visit us. Gabby didn’t even invite me to her wedding, it’s not like I would have wanted her to, but the gesture would have been nice, for heaven sake I didn’t even know until her witch of a mother called me on her wedding day to laugh at my face- or in my ear in her case. The house was a sad reminder of us, I often wished I could have just packed and left the place, everywhere I sat we had: made love, kissed, held hands, argued and most importantly we had laughed.

On the same sofa that I had once stared into Gabby’s eyes pleading for her to take a leap of faith with me as I produced a merger silver proposal ring, I was sitting with Thando. Thando’s eyes had always mimicked happiness, so whenever I was deeper in my pity all I did was sought them, and in them I truly believed that love and happiness was an entity that maybe life could allow me again. My crush on Thando was relevant before Gabby, but one can’t expect another person to love them back, anyways with Thando I held onto my feelings because I would have hated it if she wasn’t my friend- I only had that choice with her. She dated guys ever since the word existed, she was the pink type of girl, the reason I found her even more appealing, if only the dating sites could give me a person with only half of the qualities Thando has. Did I mention her positive spirit? If not, Thando is one of those who look into the world with rose coloured glasses.

Like every day now, I was tipsy, and my depression was overpowering. I took a long glance once more into Thandos’ eyes and I kissed her. Many times I had wished to kiss her, many times I had imaged the taste of her lips, and they had to be strawberry flavoured or maybe raspberry, but it turns out that they are Cherry. She pulled back and from that moment I knew I couldn’t take it back, I was screwed, and I had finally screwed up with the person I truly loved. Her puzzled eyes searched for something on my face of which after they had concluded their brief scan she stood up and brushed herself up.
“You are drunk right? You must be drunk because I’m not accepting that from…”
“I’m tipsy. I love you, I always have Thando.”

“How dare you… how dare you do that to me. Here I am trying to help you out, trying to help a friend whom I love. I love you like a friend, I can’t love you like that, and it’s selfish of you to kiss me… What? You want to have sex with me?” she said quivering and draining her shiny eyes. She drew back from the scene and headed for the kitchen, she took her bag and keys and with her new energy rushed for the front door.

“Thando, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to… I don’t want you to leave, please don’t leave Thando.” Her hand tried unlocking the door, but it was acting up. My door has had a problem ever since Gabby left, it was her mother who broke it. It happened when she had come to fetch her daughter and her belongings after the cheating incident, her mother slammed the door so hard, nearly hitting my fingers, that it unhinged slightly and nearly shattered my windows. After slamming my door the witch shouted that I needed repentance and that I was an evil disease that God had finally un-leeched from her daughter. Now Thando was the one shouting, she shouted at me saying that if I didn’t open the door she would scream, so I did, and so she left storming out with fury.

The only valid option for me- wasn’t alcohol, not that I was quitting it, but reality TV was my only option because I was out of alcohol and the night was bloody cold to initiate a walk to the shebeen- which is a kilometer away. I switched on the TV to find a program about unbelievable people. On nights like these Wives of anywhere would have been a great release, but there were no wives program’s so I switched off the TV and for a good ten minutes I sat on my couch cradling guilt and draining any droplets of tears that my eyes still held.

A car horn interrupted my silence, it was Thando’s car in the driveway torching the darkness and my house. I let her in. I opened the door and waited for her to make her way to the house, her walk was calm but had a quick pace about it. She asked to come in the house saying that the cold was killing her.
The awkwardness inside the house was depressing. After a minute I finally spoke apologizing about the kiss and blaming the alcohol for it, but I still maintained my feelings for her, I couldn’t deprive myself of them anymore. She went to the kitchen, took a bottle of vodka from her bag, and poured me and herself a glass of it dashed with grape juice. She gulped down the content, Thando is a light drinker that’s why she hardly ever drinks, and handed me the other glass and then she spoke.
“You are selfish, I’ll give you that. Gabby left you and you fell into a state. I tried by all means to help you move on, signed you up to dating sites, and what do you do? I’ll answer that, you screwed it up. Every girl that falls for you is subjected to your failed relationship, Gabby this, Gabby that. When will you wake up and realize that Gabby is gone, she’s married to a man, she has a child, and finally she doesn’t even care if you still alive or not.”

“Thando, I dated Gabby for four years. And you have dated Charles for like two minutes, you wouldn’t understand,” I said taking a seat.

“Understand what? That I love him, that his going to marry me? That I’m pregnant with his baby,” she sat the glass aside on the table after she had drained the last content of it into her mouth, after which she squinted and let loose her tongue thrusting violently in the air. She hadn’t told me about the pregnancy.“That’s why I came here by the way. I came here to tell you that I was pregnant, and I came to ask you to be my child’s godmother, but I have changed my mind, you not fit for it. What will you teach my baby? To drink when life is shit to you, I didn’t become a drunk when you neglected me for Gabby,” she snorted back a cry, “Ever since high school when I learnt about your sexuality, your pride in who you were, I decided to be your friend so I could be close to you and who I was. I never had that, I was scared of life,” she sighed and swept a tear from the cup of her eye, “God. I had a massive crash on you. I loved you for a good long time and I always wanted you to love me, but you were too busy chasing older girls, having sex with them and loving them. I never had the courage to come out, but I would have done it if it meant you would have loved me. I was right there in your face.”

“What? What do you mean? You have always dated guys.”

“My love has no sex, and anyways it’s too late now. I finally know how it feels like to be important to someone. I wasn’t going to wait for you forever… twelve years is enough waiting.” She took her bag and vodka and marched for the door, she struggled with the door of which she cursed heavily, but she none the less opened it. I hurried after her in the moonless blanketed sky. She turned on her car and reversed (the gate was open, she had took my remote as she left the house) and drove off throwing my keys on the grass near my fence. Her car disappeared after a turn on the right and I was left all alone on the streets begging for her to come back. Earl Street had never been so quiet.

Envy’s score

An Untamed mind, decayed in time passed:

Finding miracles in love that lasts

Memories wander into life’s inferno,

Ashes – killing all blossoms of hope

Murder becomes a longing…

Far from my grasp – evading this weakling…

Wondering how people meet time; decades!:

Time frozen in day – youth slumming through ages.

Envy’s list – never-ending,

Joy and friendship non-depending.

I’ve tried and tried and tried some more:

I’m tired of always keeping score…

Soil Erosion

He didn’t need to tell Me that all I had to do To find him again and again Was to read –
Read all the poetry I could get my hands on Sonnets and odes It was as if I knew them
All off by heart The silences within them There’s silence All around me now I’ve earned them those stripes And the dead and the living Go on and on They are my companions
On this blue planet From the beginning Of pain, decay and growth Until the end of days
And when it came to Divorce and separation All they knew of love Was that they loved each
Other and it was enough For both of them In theory. Of pain they’d Only learn of that later on They would only remember Their own childhood When looking at the faces
Of love on the angelic shine Of their children –
They’d whisper to themselves Rapture, oh this must be it Rapture! An atlas of it Amongst all the difficulties And how we’ve all drowned In that lake with those cursed Words calling themselves poetry.

Zu’s Dilemma

Zu watches the snub nosed revolver hover in front of her face. Its pocked marked holder emboldened by his rage and the cool grip of the weapon in his hand screamed escalating obscenities at her, working himself up for that that first and final shot.
41 minutes previous.
“It’s MY fucking house!”
She hadn’t meant to be rude but the flight had sapped every last piece of energy from an already weary body.
“Look I got rent agreement!” the smile on the dark round face was stuck on, unwavering in the onslaught of harsh words.
Zu took the pathetic piece of paper between thumb and forefinger.
It had been torn from a note book . The jagged edges and faded blue pen scribbles stating that Hessie Kabongo would pay R400 a week for room and board, including the use of the kitchen and bathroom facilities. The signatories to the ragged document, Hessie pointed out with a shaky scabbed finger was hers and a Mr M.T.I. Amardien.
She had used the last of her Army money to pay for the tickets and car, hoping that at the end of her flight from the States would culminate in a semi furnished house, hot water, a meal and a 12 hour nap. Then she’d phone the lawyers and sell this relic from her grandparents’ life and move the fuck on.
“Lady, I know you a foreigner, refugee or something but I don’t have the time and strength to get the police or a lawyer out here.” Zu stood over the woman with her hands on her hips, her bags left resting against her legs all but forgotten.
“No police, please. My permit is renewed. Look.” Hessie held up another piece of faded paper wrapped in plastic. Zu caught the words “Asylum” and “Expiry date” before Hessie whipped it back into a pocket on her oversized sweater.
“What I need right now, is a meal, a shower and place to sit. In what is my house.”
Perhaps it was the mention of police, or her tone that prompted Hessie.
“You come in, I make food for you.”
Then a little girl dragged Zu’s duffle into the house.
Zu watched the little girl struggle with her bag her red faded corduroy pants scuffing the wooden floors as she drags the duffel to the kitchen. She was 7 years old and short for her age. Zu picked up the signs. Malnutrition and starvation left marks on everyone, the kids especially.
“I didn’t think I’d see this here,” she whispers.
She grabs the duffle from the struggling girl.
She’d visited twice when she was a child, so all she had were memories of emotions; Feeling scared as she sat on her Grandmothers lap. Happy as she ate the deep fried coconut covered cake they had called doughnuts . So different from what she knew was a doughnut.

She walked from the sitting room into long wooden passage leading off into a number of rooms. At the end, in the kitchen Hessie stuck her head into the passage.
“Come. Come. Eat”
The kitchen was large, furnished with a rickety wooden table and 3 white washed chairs. Hessie had laid a chipped white plate and cutlery on the table.
“Sit. sit”, She says, white teeth flashing into a quick almost genuine smile. Zu gives her a disbelieving look.
The smile freezes in place, and a plaintiff “Please,” convinces Zu to take a seat at the rickety table.
She remembers sitting at a larger table in the kitchen listening to her Grandmother tell her stories about the first Amardiens that came to Cape Town. She talks while she cooks with onions, cloves, garlic and cinnamon swirling around the young child’s head.
Grandma Amardien turns to Zu and says: “Zuleikha, please get the Jeera in the cupboard for Ma?” Zuleikha was her full name but everyone just called her Zu. Her parents called her Zuleikh for a while but eventually it got cut shorter to Zu.

Hessie puts down the plate.
“Thank you” she says distractedly, entranced by the gleaming eggs, sunny side up.
“You eat. Ok” Hessie says laying a hand on Zu’s arm.

Hessie puts a bowl in front of the girl, and sits across from Zu with a bowl of her own. The child starts eating the stodgy mess while Zu and her mother look on.
“What’s’ that?” Zu asks.
Hessie tilts her bowl and shows it to Zu: “They call it Pap here. I think you call it Maize”
“Oh, yeah. Maize”
They call it, she had said, Zu thought.
“How long have you been here” she asks between two bites of toast.
“6 year. Me. And Jacky. And Tracy”.
Zu points at the little girl: “Jacky?” she asks. The little girl manages a smile with her full mouth.
“And Tracy?”
Hessie frowns .“Working.” Then silence.
Zu takes a sip of her coffee. Strong and black no milk – it wasn’t half bad, better than the crap they served on the flight down.
“You American?” Hessie ask quietly.

Zu hesitates a little before answering. “Yes and no”, she says.
“Oh hell,” she mutters as she begins to explain.
It was the same explanation she had given since she had started school.
Her Grandmother had been an activist against Apartheid and was subjected to numerous ordeals by the apartheid government. To spare her family some of the pain of her actions, she had sent her son to Philadelphia to keep him safe.
Nazier Amardien, had grown up with an Aunt and Uncle as surrogate parents, visiting South Africa every 3 years or so to see his real parents. When his father was found dead on the street in a suburb called Belhar, the State had forbade him, his Aunt and Uncle entrance into the country as a means of punishing his mother.
Nazier eventually didn’t ask to go back home, and instead focussed all his energies on schooling. He met Mathilda Robinson at a club on a weekend away to New York.
A Year later they were married and a year later, Zu had been born.

She only found out about her Grandmother when she was 6, when she had visited along with her Dad. Her parents divorced a year after they came back from South Africa.

Zu was sent to Philadelphia to be with her father’s Aunt and Uncle, and Nazier continued to pursue his career in advertising in New York before settling into a comfortable life in Seattle.
When Zu had graduated High School he sent her an invitation to his wedding. Matilda didn’t get one, she died in a car accident 5 years earlier and Fatima Amardien, women’s right advocate and apartheid struggle veteran was too sick to travel. In fact, she didn’t know her only son had remarried.

“When I got back from deployment, I got this letter and deed saying that I had inherited this house.”
“You sell the house” Hessie asked, punctuating the question with a quick stab at the kitchen and the passage.
“I dunno.” Zu answered. Truly not sure of what her intent was.

She was running away from her old life, and the house or the sale of it could buy her a new existence. Perhaps one that might let her sleep through the night.

“May be I’ll stay a while, huh?” she says slowly, smiling at Jacky. The child returns her smile without malice or insult and Zu feels her heart skip just a bit.

The bang at the front door shakes Hessie and Jacky so visibly that the child jumps off her chair and runs to her mother.
“Hey open up, you old Makwerri!” comes a plaintive and clearly masculine voice from the door.
“Jacky not here!” shouts Hessie down the passage.
“I know, because she’s with me. Now open!”
The last two words come with a bang at the door.
Hessie, tells Jacky to stay with Zu. The girl looks at Zu, her face a mask of fear.
“It’s ok, darling. You can stay with me,” she reassures the girl as Hessie walks down the passage.
I should’ve get them gone thinks Zu, it’s my house after all.

She listens carefully as the door is opened and the whiny plaintive voice makes another demand:
“Listen here, you open the fucking door faster makwerri, otherwise there will be trouble. Ok? ”
Zu hears some shuffling then a bedroom door opening .

The footfall on the wooden floors is heavier than either Hessie’s or Jacky’s but not by much. Zu thinks it might be someone 5 foot 3, maybe 110 pounds.
She doesn’t want to look to confirm.
Looking implies being right about his weight and height, it also implies that the necessary force you would have to put on that persons carotid artery to render them dead or unconscious. It implies the average weight the knees could hold and the corresponding pressure needed to dislocate it or crush the patella, the bone-cartilage compound covering the knee joint.

“Hey Hessie, give money, man.” the plaintive request as it filtered down the passage.

“No money,” Hessie courageously managed.
“Hessie” and then Hessie made a sound that raises Zu’s neck hairs.
“Be a good little Makwerri Bitch and get me some money, or else I will make sure that Tracy works the shit streets, where she can’t earn anything. And then I will have to put up the rent or sell that little girl in there to a bunch of fucking Nigerian pimps. Ok?”

The footfalls on the wooden floors make him stop.
He looks up to see a tall delicately featured dark woman. She looked like some of the Muslim bitches that worked his section of the road.
“Get your hands off her?” She says with an American accent nogal.
“Girly, where the fuck are you from?” he says.
She just looks him straight in the eye. The bitch was tall.
“Leave her and get out of my house?”
Her house? Who the fuck did she think he was.
“What you American’s say: ‘Possession is 9 tenths’. I possess it and you d…”
“That rule only applies in the movies. What does apply is the little piece of paper in my bag that says title deed, and a lawyers’ letter that says proof of transfer.”
He kept quiet, let the bitch talk he thought and slowly slid his hand into his pocket.
“You have been illegally charging rent on a house you don’t even own. Which makes you a fucking douchebag, but that pales in comparison to the utter heinous shit that comes out of your mouth. And that elevates you to the status of dumbass. Now get out of my house and don’t ever come back. “

You think you can talk to me like that bitch?” he says pulling the snub nosed revolver from his denim jacket pocket.

Zu watches the snub nose hover in front of her face. Its holder emboldened by his rage and the cool grip of his weapon screams ever escalating obscenities at her, working himself up for that that first and final shot.

Hessie closes her eyes and screams.
Zu moves.
The moron forgot the first rule when pulling a gun on someone: Don’t stand to close.
As he moves the gun level with her chest, she grips the guns and twists his wrist.
As he tries to pull, she brings her arm up and using his own leverage pushes her arm up and breaks his arm. He screams, shouting and swearing at her, sweat beading his face.
(In hindsight, she should’ve stopped their but instincts that she had hoped should be buried forever claw their way to the surface.)
So she takes out his knee.
He’s going to come back again, she rationalises.
When he does come back he’s going to hurt them worse than before, because his ego’s been bruised.
With her heel, Zu dislocates the knee joint that it pushes the patella until it punctures the skin.
Hessie’s screams brings Zu out of her adrenaline fuelled actions.
“Is he dead?” she asks.

Zu looks at the mewling man on the floor.
Hormones flood her body calming the muscles and breaking her focus. He wasn’t a threat anymore.
She let it happen. Zu had learnt the hard way to not run hot unless she needed too. That way laid destruction and madness; her instructor had told her in his odd accent.

“Nah. His done,” Zu says, turning away from the moaning and putting an arm around Hessie.
“Why don’t you take Jacky to the kitchen and I’ll…” she looks at him, wondering again if coming here was the best decision she could have made.

There is a loud bang from one of the rooms. A pretty dark skinned woman lurches forward, swaying a bit with each uncertain step. She barely registers Hessie, when her eyes fall on the figure laying on the floor.
“I guess I’ll call the police, “ Zu says. Walking down the passage leaving the rising screams behind her.

The police were there is about ten minutes.
A tall police officer, Officer Meyer was more interested in getting Zu’s details than he was about the guy on the floor with a destroyed knee and arm whose name turned out to be Lionel Jackson.
Zu knew a Lionel once; he turned out to be just as big as asshole as this one was.
Officer Tembise wasn’t too impressed with Zu or Hessie and Tracy for that matter. Zu got the distinct impression that Officer Tembise didn’t like the idea of calling an Ambulance or waiting for the Ambulance or even waiting for the suspect to regain conscience.
An hour and a half later, he was gone and Officer Meyer (Yuri) promised that a case number would be sms’ed within 24 hours.

Zu stood on the porch watching the police go down the block, presumably heading off to an oddly named Victoria Hospital after Lionel.
Hessie stood next to her, keeping quiet, watching Zu.
“Tracy?” Zu asked. “She sleeping, now. Jacky sleeping too.”
“Good”
“You think about what you do now?”
Zu turned to look at Hessie.
“Lady, at this point, I don’t know.”
Hessie nodded her head sagely.
“When do you know?”
Zu smiled.
“Ask me again after six months, okay?”
Hessie smiles not exactly sure what Zu’s meaning.
“Let’s go inside and discuss by how much I should lower your rent.” says Zu.
Hessie smiles and clomps her way into the house.
Zu follows, closing the door behind them to the screaming sirens in the distance.

Etched in time

Deep into the mind of an eternal slumber.
The thought of death crosses me.
I struggle to push these armed thoughts away.
Deep into my subconscious mind
Where bad memories has long been forgotten.
Oblivion…The thought of nothingness overwhelms even the best of me.
A life wasted
These thoughts darkened even my shadow
A innocent in my spiraling demise.
I fight
To have but a speck of me etched in time.
Oblivion…A word that shakes every ounce of my hope stained soul.

Forgotten

A word more fierce to me then ten thousand scythed deaths.

Fight I will

Till every word I give wings… bleeds my pen dry.

Fight I will

Till the words I breathe reaches generation to come.

My Speck etched in time.

Rizpah

She fights with hand bare,

For her life hanging on a stick.

 

She lays on black rock of lace,

For her life hanging on a stick, dead.

 

She fights off dogs and crows,

For her life hanging on a stick, dead, empty.

 

She cries and prays,

For her life hanging on a stick, dead, empty, cold.

 

She smiles and cries joyfully,

For her life in a grounding burial, with his Father.

THE DAY IT HAPPENED TO YOU

I was pleased to hear your name
I was amazed to see a face like you
Your smile, time stop for that moment to wonder
Scared as I was my heart would have break if I said not hello
For once I took notice of my voice and yours was unbelievable
I said my heart out
I told of secrets kept hidden from the rest
I held you and assured you of never letting you go
My life was for you to protect
I held your hand and walk with you through that storm
Your tears I hold precious not to fall down
In your eyes I saw not an angel, but the image of the most high
You told me I was everything that your inside longed for and likewise I said
I called you not darling, sweet heart neither my half, but by your name and you said it was sweet, and your name is sweet
Then suddenly I was walking by your place
I saw you holding his hand and I nearly died of honestly
Was it really you my sweet turning bitter on me?
I believed it not
You saw I and your head went down and my head turn in the other direction because of disappointment
It was the truth we lost it, we really have lost it
You told me the day after my heart break that you never meant to hurt me
It was the truth you were always going to hurt me
I left and tears like a flood came rolling down my cheeks
I wanted to despise your existence, but my love was too pure to consider it
Storm and storms and weather grey become my daily existence
Was I dead inside for my smile was just a waste, but definitely a frown
Lady so sweet left me fragile
One day I smiled with I to see what will come forth
The thought of you disappeared like a long memory in the mist
Finally was I free from you
Then one day I heard you were looking for me
I found you sitting on a branch of a fallen tree; broken did I feel like the tree
You came running and hug i
Your eyes were full of tears, I wanted to push you a far from me, but only could hug you and embraced you
I hugged you because I knew the hurt you felt and nobody deserves it
You said he broke your solid heart and the pain was not bearable
I told you to stop because sense you were making not
You cried, I had nothing to give to you to wipe your tears
You asked me how could He?
I asked you how could he?
You said how could he take I away from you, but remember you let me away from you
It was getting late; can I take you home I asked? You said no, because you had no place to call home as I was your only home.
I tried to ignore you and what you were saying, you begged for forgiveness. For what I asked?
Please forgive me for the hurt and pain I caused so replied, I said don’t worry it is already done and I was okay with a face mixed with emotions.
I would not show my disappointment neither my hurt… damn you screamed
What went wrong you asked? I replied and said nothing went wrong only your greed was best answered.
Believe in me and I believed in you.
I asked if you will be fine and you said totally you were fine
Only to be find out to be the most scared of them all even though she said I ‘m beautiful
You are forgiven because it is the greatest of all gifts I would give….. goodbye our paths have crossed again.

FLANEGAN THABO NTSHOTSHO

A Joyful Solitude

A joyful solitude
Silently mingling with a chemical
Gently stroking a thought
Willfully conducting
a plague of uselessness
Spewing vague fables of significance

Violently denying the truth.
Feet glued to shitty television
and Irish booze
Clouds of smoke screening
days and days of regret.
Microscopic friends fester
in a failing memory’s wound.

You remember their smiles
Tattooed to their faces
Confirming your wit
Feeding your ego
Their proud words
Swimming in your head
You remember.

Calculated deceit
You remember that
Stealing from them
Corrupting them
Aborted strains of kindness
Your blood turning on you.

You remember that
don’t you?