Seven sins, seven deaths, seven possibilities.
Seven ways of hate and seven ways of suffering.

Seven lies, seven judges, seven fallen angels.
Constant sadness, daily, always, never ever fails.

Seven sins that cause hurt and pain and maybe even death.
Seven demons laugh and torture me never put to rest.

Illuminate (An Apology)

Surrounded be your love, I feel like I can conquer anything.
Surrounded by your love I feel whole again.
Surrounded by broken shards of glass, without your guidance they pierce me.
Without you, they kill me.

The glass draws me out.
Drawing me out into a more familiar land.
A land that makes no sense.
A desolate, chaotic land.
Chaotic yet familiar.


It becomes a part of me.
It became who I am.
A way of life to which I knew no different.

As easy as the chaos seems, I search for meaning.
I search for something.
Around you the chaos eased and I felt real.
I felt that for the first time I was truly alive.
That for the first time I meant something real to someone.

I didn’t have to hide and for the first time this darkness wasn’t over me.


Addicted to your presence.
Addicted to the clarity you brought me.
Addicted to you.


Within me lies a weakness.
My inability to give up my familiarity.
I am unable, unable to become what you need me to be.


I can’t lose you.
Can’t lose all the silly combinations, where if one is missing the other makes no sense.


I lost my way.
I become the person you despise the most.

I became the thing I despise the most.
I became the person I prayed I never would, promised I would never be, with you.

I am unfixable, I thought you were my revelation.


A darkness now clouds me, more than ever before.
And I am lost. Lost more than ever before. T
o break a person I love, as much as I have you, kills me.
To hurt you, when I promised myself I never would, when I promised you I never would, destroys me.
I will never forgive myself.


Disappointed because I could be what you needed me to be.
Disappointed with myself.
As hard as I tried to change, I was too weak.
Too weak. Ashamed.

An ending.

To leave.
To break this bond.
To break us.
In a way I never knew was possible.
An inevitable event.

I long to be the person you need.

I wish it could be me.

To save you from pain, I removed myself.
To save you from more pain, I removed myself.

I tried being a better person.
You deserve better.
You deserve better than this.
Better than me.

I long to be with you.
I long to be part of you.

I want to change.
I want to be better, stronger.
I want to be everything you need me to be.

I’m just sorry that I couldn’t be…