Having Only My Thoughts With Me

Having Only My Thoughts With Me I Am Struggling To Be Free For My Thoughts Keep Me Busy Focusing On How I Can Get The Pain To Stop.

That’s All My Life Has Started To Become For The Words Of Some Has Been Like A Sword That Has Cut My Heart In Two And It Hurts Me Deeply.

I’m Still Learning About Everything Around Me Searching … For The Answers To The Things I See.

Confused About All That Happens This Is The Things That Saddens For I Am Trying To Understand And No One Is There To Help Me.

It Was Me Who Was Left To Myself And In Time I Learned To Do What I Do It Was What Helped Me Through But It Keeps Me Awake At Night.

Fear Is Dominating Your Life

Fear Is Dominating Your Life It Is Fear You Feel When You Want To Stand Up But Are To Afraid To It Is All You Know How To Do.

The Fear Of Being Yourself Is What Cause You To Always Wonder Whether There Is A Possibility That They Won’t Always Use Their Words.

This Is What Hurts The Most Their Words Cause You To Be Lost. Like An Orphan You Feel Abandoned Always Wondering What Being Loved Is All About.

Killing Yourself By Any Possible Method Is The Only Objective You Have In Mind And This Is Making You Blind To The Truth That You Are Loved.

You Are Who You Are Because It Was God’s Plan To Make You Just Like You Are And That Makes You A Very Special Individual.

Dying Is All You Want

Dying Is All You Want It Is Circumstances You Can’t Stand, For You There’s No Light That’s Why You Decide On Suicide.

Your Thoughts Keep On Telling You That It Will Be A Way Out. Like A Salesperson They Remind You Of The Advantages You Will Get When You Do …

Buy What They Offer But In Actual Fact They Let You Be Stuck In Thoughts That Will Eventually Become Your Only Friends.

Friends Are Good When They Help But Your Thoughts Keeps You Down. Your Circumstances Can Change If You Are Prepared To Fight Them.

Use What’s Keeping You Down As Motivation To Rise Up And You Will One Day See That The Thoughts Of Suicide Was What Was Keeping You From Truly Living Life.

I’ll Never Know

I’ll Never Know What Is It That Is Hurting You So That Is The Cause Of You Being So Low And Suicide Has Become A Friend.

Life Was Meant To Be More Than Just To Die And That Is Why I Write My Words To You.

The Pain Caused Your Head To Think Like This And It Caused A Depression To Come Into Existence. Why Would You Want The Pain To Stay? Just Call Out To God And Allow Him His Way.

Then You Can Just Like Me Know What It Means To Be Free From The Pain That Filled Your Life When You Realize That He Is Not Who You Thought He Was.

At First It Is Difficult For You Don’t Know What’s Going On But If You Hold On You In Time Will Understand Why He Did What He Did.

How Do I Speak The Truth To You?

How Do I Speak The Truth To You? You Don’t Know If It Is True Or Not For You Are So Accustomed To Lies That It Makes You Scared To Hear A Stranger Talking.

What I Need To Share Is Because I Have Been Walking Through This Myself And I Found This Truth By Believing God.

The Lies That You’ve Been Told Are The Only Way You Know The World. It Is What You’ve Been Taught By Those Who’s Examples You Followed.

People Told You That What You Feel Is Nothing … It Is Something That Doesn’t Matter For There Are More Important Things To Focus On.

When You Give God A Chance You Will In Time Find Why Everything Happened As It Did And You Will Realize That It Was Exactly Your Circumstances That Made You Stronger.

Dit is uit jou hopelose situasie

Dit is uit jou hopelose situasie
waaruit God jou roep
en jou verseker
jy is nooit alleen.

Maak nie saak wat gebeur
God sal jou nooit verlaat
en jou nooit aan jou eie genade oorlaat
omdat Hy n plan met jou lewe het.

Hy weet wat Hy wil maak
met alles wat jou lewe raak
en hoe Hy dit kan gebruik
om Sy planne met jou lewe bereik.

Al wat ons moet doen
is om alles in God se hande te los
en in geloof te wag
op God se perfekte tydsberekening.

(C) Ellie Bezuidenhout

Wanneer ons stil word voor God

Wanneer ons stil word voor God
en Hom vertrou vir wat Hy beloof
het Hy sal doen
antwoord Hy op n manier wat ons nooit verwag.

Ons weet alles verander
en ons kan anders kyk
na dit wat ons deurmaak
omdat ons gevul is met Sy krag.

Ons is toegerus vir wat ook al op ons wag,
want ons weet Hy is met ons
al moet ons deur hoe swaar gaan
en ons sal sterker staan as ooit tevore.

In stil wees en vertrou
sal geloof ons staande hou
omdat ons weet wanneer ons glo
sal alles vir ons uitwerk.

God se liefde

God se liefde
Gee ons die vertroue
Om op te staan en om elke dag
Meer as oorwinnaars te leef.

Dit is omdat Hy ons dra
Deur elke swaar
En ons Hom beter leer ken
Om te sien hoe Hy vir ons omgee.

Dit is hoe Hy deur ons pyn
Ons toerus met Sy krag
En ons sterk maak
Om elke dag ten volle te leef.

Dit is hoe Hy ons lewens
In Sy groter plan gebruik
Wat ons verseker dat Hy ons liefhet
Meer as wat ons ooit kan dink of verstaan

(C) Ellie Bezuidenhout

God openbaar Homself

God openbaar Homself in ons lewens
In tye en maniere wat ons laat besef dat Hy alleen die bron
van alle waarheid en kennis is.

Hy verander winter in somer
Hartseer en pyn gee vir Hom kans
Om ons van binne aan te raak
En ons met Sy liefde heel te maak.

Ons omstandighede
Maak dat Hy ons kan aanraak
En ons seer en pyn kan vat
Om n getuienis van Sy getrouheid te wees.

Deur Sy werk in ons lewens
Leer ons Hom ken as die Geneser, voorsiener en versorger
Van alles wat ons daagliks nodig het.

(C) Ellie Bezuidenhout

Tainted Love

You used to hang onto every word I used to say;
Now you hardly listen, girl tell me what’s changed;
My smile used to turn you on, now you can’t stand the sight of my face;
Something is wrong, things just ain’t the same;

You hardly ever answer my calls, all I get is your stupid voicemail;
You never send me texts no more, when I send tem your way, you never reply;
You adored my love letters and they always made you cry;
Now when I give them to you, you just put it to the side;

You are always too busy to spend time;
And your family started to treat me unkind;
It’s like people around me know you’ve bid out love goodbye;
Whenever I ask, you say it’s all in my mind;

Then tell me why every convo turns into a fight;
And tell me who’s car is always parked outside;
Tell me why you always rush me home when I’m supposed to spend the night;
And tell me why your phone I pay for’s bill is so high;

Tell me who are you calling so much, cause I know you ain’t calling me;
Tell me who calls when I’m around that you need to take the call privately;
You ask me why I’m checking up on you, that I’m acting childish;
Your mother and uncles all cut me from a distance with their eyes in passing;

I feel like I’m in the twilight zone, I don’t want to accuse without proof;
But girl I know the signs of cheating love, it’s something I’ve been through;
Why don’t you just be straight and tell me it’s over between us two;
Why string me along girl, I’ve never done that to you;

Didn’t I always treat you like a queen and there was nothing I wouldn’t do;
Love has changed, something’s got in the way;
I’ve been here before, I’ve been played;
You aren’t the first girl to do me this way;

My whatsapp messages used to get an instant reply;
Now I see those two blue ticks and they make me cry when I can see you’re showing online;
You status says you’re in love with a naughty smile;
In love with who, cause it’s not with me, all we do is f*cking fight;

Your relationship status on Facebook is now single, tell me why?
You say it was your little brother messing around on your profile;
Girl you always have an excuse ready in line;
Tell me what I already know deep inside;

I don’t know what I didn’t do right;
I don’t know when our love was buried alive;
I can’t understand what went wrong no matter how hard I try;
Now Mamma brought me up right;

I can’t go pointing fingers and start to accuse;
I can’t go around playing Sherlock Holmes and try and find out the truth;
I’ll let bygones be bygones and without a word I’ll slide;
When he breaks your heart girl hit me up, I won’t reply;

You can put all the blame on me and make me the bad guy;
You can tell your friends and fam I hurt you and made you cry;
You can shift the blame, that’s what most cheaters do;
I just can’t believe that cheater would turn out to be you.