On the 10th of january she screamed in agony clutching onto everything in her path as she tried with every breathe in her to compose herself. While everyone seemed not to take her as seriously as she wanted them to. She would have prefered them running around panicking like headless chickens maybe that would destract her from the excruciating pain. As she entered the hospital she was greated with even more smiles which only seemed to aggrevate her even more. “It’s time,” said the doctor, while everyone was pacing up and down the corridors Teddy stood by her side , holding her hand while she squeezed it with every push. There he was in the doctors arms as Teddy confidently let his tears stream down his cheeks , “it’s a boy babe, we have a son,” he said. Kwame was his name!!
Archives for April 2015
Never Understood The Cost Of Love Lost
That old lonesome feeling takes my heart by surprise;
Whenever I open up my eyes;
I have grown afraid to sleep, so I tend to stay up late most nights;
This sudden change has my Mamma concerned, she keeps wondering why;
But how do I explain something I find hard to understand;
That I’ve got the heart of a little lost boy within the body of a grown man;
Sometimes it frustrates me but what can I do;
It hurts but I have no choice but to push on through;
Perhaps I missed something and my name is still on Karma’s list to do;
I’ve told her I’m sorry, I tried to explain why, she slammed the phone down in my ear, so what’s the use;
I’ve called heavens hot line and never seem to get through;
When I ask others for advice on what to do;
They all say to move on and find someone new;
As if I never thought of that, as if I never knew;
There’s nothing I haven’t tried, I’d rip out my heart if I could;
I don’t enjoy missing someone who no longer feels the same;
I don’t want to cry about someone who’s mind I never cross of late;
That has forgotten the things that still haunt my heart like a ghost night and day;
It’s simple to say move on, but doing it isn’t as easy as they claim;
They said Jesus is the answer, I took the step and now I’m saved;
The same problems remain, I’m just considered a tainted saint;
Living in a sinful life but covered by grace;
As if I took out an insurance policy as a slave;
I’m not saying getting saved was a mistake;
I’m saying my intentions were wrong so the result was the same;
If I gave my all to God but not my heart, how could I expect a change?;
I’m not trying to bring down the tone of love in anyway;
I’m just being real, this is how I live in my every day;
Behind a painted smile on a tear stained face;
Only those who know me well can see my pain;
The rest think I’m living the dream life, wishing they could exchange;
Their lives with mine, if only they knew, they’d think it over again;
Love wasn’t the problem, I made the mistakes;
If I had made them knowing the consequences I’d be okay;
But I never had a clue on what the cost of lost love would be one day;
Until it hit me when she walked away;
2nd Chance
Lord tell me can’t I go back to times gone by;
See I miss my days as a child;
I was always told to enjoy them but nobody ever told me why;
So I just wished to be a man in this place called life;
I’ve been a man for quite a while;
It’s harder than I ever thought and it snatched away my smile;
Daily it leaves tears in my eyes;
And serves as a reminder of how I miss my days as an innocent child;
Lord tell me is there no way for me to turn back the hands of time;
I don’t want to be this man I always wanted to be anymore;
I’m wiser now, can you take me back to times before;
That I took for granted, Lord I didn’t have a clue, I didn’t know;
That life would snatch the life from my soul;
Why can’t we be born and live life as an adult and end up as a child;
Why did I take for granted the best times;
Now I wish to relive them again with a renewed mind;
How I’d do things so much different if I had the chance;
I’d never even break a single heart;
I’d make count every day as if it were my last;
Lord tell me is there no way You can send me back;
I’d trade what I have right now for a second chance;
I’m in the present but my heart misses the past;
Lord tell me why I can’t go back;
I wish I never wished to be a grown up man
Black steel
Blac was never white just like these mirrors never learnt to be honest.
Encrypted on these walls are secrets to why we never saw sunrise,
why death woke us up on the sorcerer’s hour.
These grounds are full of decay.
These gumboot dances remind us of the era of mine workers who dug deeper holes in hopes of finding treassures of gold and instead found graves to where our ancestors lay.
They tapped on those boots as if trying to tap the nation into order.
Law and order was brought by these guns we rose to and layed upon.
Black child, black consciousness, black pride,
were scriptures we meditated upon.
They sang songs of provocation; a revolution was upon us.
They stood firm on these grounds destroying the aura they had created for these colonial masters.
Black was surely conceived from wombs of strength.
They were the black diamonds,
metiers of rock.
Fornicate (The Truth Why God Said No)
It hurts too much to say;
People can’t understand how I can feel this way;
I could do 1000 times better than her any day;
So why would I still be crying over a girl I could out do who did me dirty for no reason at all in the first place;
See love is something God made, it’s something I can’t explain;
The reason He made it a sin to fornicate;
It was not to condemn us but to protect us from hurt, I just wish I could help people see before they make that mistake;
That first time, that first person was made sacred for a reason, trust me that first time never fades;
Even if you weren’t their first time, even if you are long forgotten and you’ve been replaced;
They will forever occupy your heart’s biggest space;
God intended it to last forever, regardless if you disobeyed the rules of the game;
The consequences of your choices will remain;
It’s not about being cool or showing off to your friends;
One day you’re find yourself alone, friends nowhere to be found, as you find it impossible too forget;
As you watch your first time get with the next;
As if you never even met, keep in mind your first time may have been their…., well they lost count, while you sit and regret;
I ain’t trying to condemn;
I’m just trying to help you think before you make a decision that could be your soul’s very last breath;
You see, you might be living in body, but when your soul is stolen, it’s hard to smile again;
Your reason for living is now loving another and you can’t seem to understand why they walked away;
I am living proof of these mistakes;
So to those who haven’t done it either by luck or by the prayers of your elders heard by Heaven and answered with Grace;
Meditate on these words, let it sink in and grow roots;
Cause now that you have read this, you could never tell God one day “Lord, I never Knew…”
Most Beautiful Girl (20.09.90)
I wish God allowed you to read my heart the night before you said goodbye;
I know if He did you would have thought twice;
I don’t think you had a clue about how deep my love ran;
I didn’t show you just how much I did, I was a damaged man;
I would have died for you girl if you asked;
This is no excuse for acting bad;
This is just the thoughts of a reflective man;
The mistakes I made I now understand;
I know it’s too late to turn back the clock, I’d do it in a second, but I can’t;
Loosing you was the fall from which I couldn’t stand;
It’s the straw that broke the camels back;
Things I wish I did or said when I had the chance;
Haunt me like my shadow, no matter where I go, I can’t escape the cold facts;
I just wish God allowed you to read my heart the night before you turned my future into my past;
All this money, status and fame, I’d trade it all just to have you back;
See I could get them all again, but I can’t get back the most beautiful girl I ever had
To God, To Man, To Self
As she wraps the ghungroos around her slim ankles,
she can feel the pinch her delicate skin and winces in pain.
She gets up and stamps her feet lightly praying they won’t fall off
And then she does her pranam,
Thanking Mother Earth for allowing her to stamp on her
And then the melodious thump of the Table fills her ears
And she begins her form of worship to her god.
She peeps out of the curtain to see who is all watching
She hopes there are many drunks tonight because they usually tip the best.
Pulling on her hot shorts and midriff top, she stretches.
Yesterday she learned a new trick around the pole
And Friday nights always mean more money for her especially with new moves
And that will help pay for her children’s school fees and a new flat.
As she pushes herself onto the class,
She already hears the music playing and sees her partner coming to her smiling.
He helps tie her feet so that don’t move around and spins her around in her chair.
She likes the Rumba because it makes her imagine that she has working feet.
And today, as every other day, she dances for herself without the care of being different.