Archives for October 2014

First of all LIFE is difficult, that is the general fact that I have come to be acquainted with but am struggling to embrace because when it gets tough you just cannot imagine that another person is going through worse than what you are going through. Life’s hardest moments present us with answers after the tears have streamed down our faces. Different kinds of tears representing different kinds of problems. Let me also clarify that tears are not a sign of existing problems but that the tears also come to represent joy. A kind of joy that reminds us of the pain we have left behind, a kind of joy that represents the opposite of what pain is.
As I write this, I am going through a difficult time in my life, the pain that shakes the core of my being. The present tears are the kind that explains everything even before anyone asks. At different times they come in different forms representing the current emotions and thought patterns. But even as these tears stream down my face I can picture the aftermath.
I fear crying, in a weird way that I do not understand myself; I fear crying even when I’m on my own. I feel stupid for crying over anything and I quickly remind myself to get back to my senses. In a way this is what destroys me but today I’m trying to fight back these tears and I cannot this time. The problem at this time has taken its toll on me and I cannot act tough anymore. The tears have been held in for a long time and if they are not released I might be at breaking point beyond repair. This is an example of the tears that we often try to fight back maybe because we have not received an opportune time and moment to release them. The tears that suddenly stream down in a silent manner when you least expect them to, these tears represent the pain we feel deep down in our souls, they stream down involuntarily as you are sitting there replaying that pain in your head. No sound, no sobbing, no twitching just warm water streaming down and if you happen to open your mouth to wipe them off you can taste the saltiness. I believe the saltiness comes from the bitterness we feel deep within at the moment in time.
When you are going through so much pain it might be even hard to think that the light at the end of that tunnel is going to show. It is hard to believe in the knowledge that all that hurt instructs. Our life is generally centered upon: GOD, the self, family, our work, our friends, our romantic interests. At least that is how I understand the interconnectedness of these parts to travel in this journey called life. This is not a generalization for everyone but to those that can relate,[God is stated above in referring to my own personal belief in this higher power in the way that I have been conditioned to understand him and have actively chosen to believe in, as it seems to work for me].
Pain is unavoidable, it instructs, it brings growth, it does not knock before entering, it simple introduces itself at any time in our lives and seeks to take control and overcome. Pain comes in the form of problems that we face in our day to day life but it can only be measured subjectively because what may feel like pinch to one its heartache to another. The pain ranges from little to medium to so much pain. Tears follow but all dependent on how each individual deals with their own small or enormous struggle. I for one am very emotional but tears take much time to stream out because I do not allow them to.
In my pain I often get the answers that I need to overcome this pain from prayer and directive thought. Directive thought however can be achieved only when you have reached the level of self consciousness that places you at the ‘VICTOR’ category than the ‘VICTIM’ category. Only when you understand that you need to discipline yourself, accept responsibility for your own LIFE and wellbeing are you able to overcome pain. As tears stream down they show you this clear view, the release of deep seated painful emotions provides one with a clearer view of what is on the other side. Unfortunately when it comes to pain not many people make it out as ‘victor’, life’s problems take control and cause them to remain victims waiting on someone/something else to save them. In this life no one can save you from pain, no one can protect you, the only probably cause for our living is how we deal with this pain, let the tears flow and be thankful for the tears because the aftermath introduces us to a positive view.
When painful situations arise and as the tears fall…let them fall…you need them…they lead you to a better path…they set us free., we need to ask ourselves questions of control:, how much control do you have over this current situation, how much indirect control do I have and if possible do I even have control?… These questions help us as grievers in particular moments to identify the steps we need to take to be victor and grow from the pain. Too many times we stress over things we cannot control and depress ourselves.
Tears I have realized help, I love tears because after they have dried up I am left with feelings of gratitude. Let us embrace our tears because the aftermath of our tears delivers the silver lining. This is my story, I don’t know about your story but I hope you can relate.