Thinking torrent thoughts
Writing words relentless

Injecting pain into my pen
Bleeding onto this page

Draining out this damned dam
Flooding up a stage

Spewing out thwarted feelings
The wretching fills your ear

Purging pseudo poetry
After an emotional binge

Hanging these words to dry
I’m koshering myself
Salting my wounds

Confessing all on a canvas
Splatterings of grey matter

But still haram
Uncleansed and impure

Tainted perspectives
Skewed systems

Scrubbing with scribbles
Can’t be washed away

Dirtied mind
Broken words

Spoken in vain
Relief but no release

What’s my lesson?

I tend to wear black
Almost everyday
Thing is- I’m in mourning

I lost a little girl.
She was…wait…
She’s was GONNA be all these things,
That I’d now list-
But you already know
Coz’ there’s just something that little girls are always gonna be

This little girl stepped into a world
That would never see her,
Pushed and pressed in untoward directions
Creating a person that shouldn’t be,
But now, well, here she is.

With baggage of her birth
Contamination in each breath
A life-long loving parasite

We’re all never gonna know now,
Who this little girl would be
Look, she became me.

I mourn for her.

Nothing happened here

There you lay
Having had your centre knocked
Your body’s urge to grasp air
And remain alive

Deep breaths
It aches
Somethings been hurt
Crawl up
Settle down

There’s pain here
Oh there to
Ringing ears
You can’t think
Where do you start

It hurts.
Your body.
Creep of to a locked door
Regain your composure

Your mind knows
Your eyes saw it
Your body felt it
You don’t believe it

Too broken to begin to feel
The repercussion
Of a beating
So severe
You are changed.

You don’t understand

Listen to me,
Don’t you ever,
Don’t never tell me
You understand!
Because you don’t!

You don’t understand
Now I aint saying I’m the only one to ever feel a thing
But I was the only one there, feeling that thing.
So please don’t ever tell me “you understand”

Now pain its relative, and non-comparative
I take nothing from yours
But please unless you were there
And to my knowledge you weren’t
Don’t tell me you understand!

No no you did not feel my blows
Hear my bellows
And if you had would you have done something?
Where was your understanding then?

And if you understood so well
Tell me why then are you professing such
To cover a wound you have just reopened?
No you don’t understand

That there are millions of me,
Generations, civilisations, and whole populations
Of haunted hurt women
And yet you want to say you understand!

You, know, nothing.
Of what it is to bled naturally,
Of life and love unwillingly
To spout kindness
And strength of brazen necessity
For you understanding

Now I’m not saying I am the only one
But you do not understand.

A song

You’re my kaleidiscope dream
And I was praying that you and me might end up together
Baby, I’ve loved you for a thousand years, and I’ll love you for a thousand more
You’ve got me twisted

Even though my sex is on fire,
and I’d be the best he ever had,
he’s even locking himself outta heaven
And for him, I’d bleed myself dry, and even wear no make up today.
I’d even tell him he’s right when he’s wrong, and show him he’s so much better than he’s knows.

At one point, I was thinking, its us against the world
That only you can get it
And I was gonna cater to you
Oh and how I said I just gotta have you, and all I really want is you
You had me walking on the moon

But all I keep getting is such sweet nothings
And I’m tired of dreaming of you
So right now nobody knows but me, how I’m dying inside.

By the way I tried to say I’d be there.
Let’s not waste anymore time on me, you are still the voice inside my head
But I will not see what I cannot have forever
So its time to fly these pretty wings around

Dear Lord

Dear Lord
A gift for words and questions
I hope You don’t regret,
Because I’m kneeling here and I have many for You

I am grateful, please don’t think I’m not
I know full well that I have a lot
But Lord I must I ask,
Did You not see that I really needed my Mummy?
Lord you know I’m thankful, yes I had her for a bit.
Lord did not see what he was doing to me?
Lord you know I’m humbled, you kept me alive
I still cannot believe….

Lord you’ve been there when I didn’t see
You were always company for me
You held my hand and kept me warm
But I still ask You these things,
These are things I cannot understand, they are only for You.

I have and will doubt things to come
Please don’t think I’m unworthy Lord
You tell me I’m not
For what its worth Lord
Your love is the only thing I’m sure of.


Creeping darkness fills a space
There’s nothing there to hold its place
Nothing, it feels of nothing

Seeping emptiness
A vacuum of black
There’s nothing to hold it back
Sinking to an abyss

Listless being
There’s nothing in this existence

Hold me now

Hold me now
I’m begging
I need to feel some warmth
To be real

Hold me now
I’m falling
Catch me please
I cannot stand

Hold me now
I’m crying
Keep me safe in your arms
My tears keep flowing

Hold me now
I need this
To be in this moment
To make it to the next
Hold me now, I’m failing

To love you

What a thing it is to love you
Every little
Its burning flames
On my skin
But baby it feels so
love your every
beginning and end
bad and so sad

I see that charred skin
I am crying out, oh baby, what a thing it is to love you!
And when I love you, the way a woman loves a man
Only one thing can
Be born

My body calling your divinity toward
Narrowed Eyes pitched to your full
Lips that must, must reach mine
I crave your fullness
Smother you in mine
Begging for just
Momentary freedom
between thighs soft, more than yellow

What a thing it is to love you
To wish for release
from you in me
or away to go

I cannot have you
Be my love
And I cannot
Let you go
Oh but baby, what a thing it is to love you

I am

Fear is my first memory
I couldn’t tell you when it started
Falling to the floor,
Tears broke free when they knew better
I couldn’t tell you why

Perfection was my aim,
I couldn’t tell you how often
Sickly sweet cereal poured over my black satin strands
I couldn’t tell you why

Protection was not a concern
I couldn’t tell you how that hurt
Gun aimed, my vomit brimming
But it wasn’t the end
I couldn’t tell you why

Love was not on offer
I couldn’t tell you how I searched
Called ugly, useless, slut, f*!@# piece of shit!
I couldn’t tell you why

Dreams were on hold
I couldn’t tell you how they are forgotten
Deep punches, left breathless
I couldn’t tell you why

Life was unbearable
I couldn’t tell you why I’m here
Head pounded on a wall
I couldn’t tell you why

What I could tell you is everytime though,
I’d hear a ringing thought
“I am Ravona Naidoo”