If I was a thought

If I was a thought I would choose to sail –
On the shallow seas of young minds that loose and fail,
Confined by confinement; in a prisoner’s shoes in jail.
Minds accused to ail as patients of eternal sickness in abuse’s tale.

If I was a thought I would choose to be planted –
Root-deep and fertilized in the mentally – bruised and demented
And refuse to leave centered the power of a foreign enemy
Exchanging blows with false reality close to falling sanity

If I was a thought I would build sacred temples –
Within souls where hatred settles as the devil’s naked samples.
In your grey thinking matter I’d give rise to vagrant rebels.

If I was a thought in blindness’ mind I’d cry for support
To rearrange the purpose of chaos in the life that we have got.

If I was a thought I’d fill holes in empty places –
Where colds roam through broken windows to kill souls of angry faces.

If I was a thought I’d be no accidental idea-
Built on luck and co incidence, harassed and strangled by fear
But a self- mental pioneer;
A thought of revolution’s emotions in motion to settle right here.
(Pointing to the head)

Ringtone Identity

Evolving possibilities
That’s the tone for Maria

This one is a firebrand
Perpetual forward motion, nothing bland
She ticks me off, but only in good ways
The frustrating challenge of a maze
defeated only by the satisfaction of overcoming it
I like her, I like her very much
Maybe more

Spirit
That’s the tone for Dominique

This one is beyond mystical
Emitting radiance, nothing prototypical
She broadens my mental horizons, in stunning ways
The head-scratching riddle
overcome only by the satisfaction of solving it
I like her, I like her very much
Maybe more

Classic phone remix
That’s the tone for Esther

This one is just there
My default girlfriend for the past five years
She puts up with me
Accepts the mood swings
Stays out of my vivid dreams
She helps me solve the problems
But she frustrates me with her ordinariness
She’s OK, yes…just OK
Maybe more

Marcus, he’s my boy by Esther
He’s about five
I’ll teach him to survive
When he grows up
He’ll be just like me
A man who knows how to stand on his own two feet
He is mine
I made him

The ringtones help me keep the arrangement organised
I have a different phone for all my official business
Everything is in line
I am in complete control
Everyone knows their place, although they don’t know about each other
As long as the different strands don’t tangle
no one needs to get hurt or bothered

A man has needs
My happiness comes in threes
A different woman for each facet of my multi-layered personality
The excitement, the mystery, the routine
All accounted for in my impeccable choices
I like it, I like it very much

Maria POV:

I met this guy three months ago
He’s just so-so
I had just ended a serious relationship
Was looking for nothing more than casual friendship
He just sorta came out of nowhere
Decent listener
Funny-ish
I call him up sometimes when I’m bored
But he tries too hard
This?
Us?
David is just a friend, nothing more

When he calls me, it’s my default ringtone…

Dominique POV:

I can’t remember
Seven months, somewhere in November
He helped me when my car broke down
We began chatting
Daniel is a nice guy
I told him about my mystical devotion
He enjoyed that very much
I call him sometimes, to hear how he’s doing
Mostly he just listens
I’d prefer if he opened up some more
In fact, I don’t really know that much about him
He’s like a notch above an acquaintance but a notch below a friend
I don’t see him in THAT way

When he calls me, it’s my default ringtone…

Esther POV:

I was very young when we met
Wasn’t even sure of who I was yet
I didn’t have experience with boyfriends
He was the first
I guess, I guess I loved him at one time
Right in the beginning
Or maybe that’s just what I thought I felt
I don’t know
I guess I’m still with him because of Marcus
My boy
I don’t want him growing up without a dad
You know?

Donny is a very quiet person
He doesn’t really tell you how he feels about anything
He has a few friends
Goes out sometimes
Gets some calls
But at least he provides for us
He is a good father
I think Marcus is the only one he really talks to
The only one he really cares about

No
I don’t want to marry him
It wouldn’t work
I don’t think we love each other enough anyway
It’s just a routine
And before you know it, five years have past
And everything is still exactly the same

Yes
I’ll focus on Marcus
I only want what’s best for him
I just wish we could love each other more
For the boy’s sake

When he calls me, the ringtone is “Take my heart away”
Johnny Clegg and Savuka
That’s my favourite song

I love Marcus
I love Maria
I love Dominique
I love Esther

I love them all and I know they all love me
I’m singing

Wait…
My phone’s ringing…

Dedication – Part 2

One track
That mind of yours
Kissing
Strangling away the hours

One thought
Paramount
Ensure your security
Feelings and love don’t count

What feelings?
What love?

The shy girl gives way to the powerful woman
You realised what you’re capable of
How can you go back, when you’ve tasted the inside of your own mouth?
There where control and confidence pools
Threatening to spill from your soft lips
Threatening to engulf those perfect nail tips
That body
You

I remember how you made me feel

Afraid
Exhilarated

You look bored
What can I do to help?

Dedicated to 14

13 Days: A poem about adoption

13 Days

She walked through the wide open double doors,
With her problem of 13 days
The problem she would now finally leave here for good.
13 days ago her shamed had been exposed,
In the back room of her Nkgono’s house,
With her mother as the midwife and lots of warm water and towels.
For 5 months she’d managed to walk without anyone knowing,
But the last four months it all became evident.
She’d laboured for 2 days unable to cry aloud.
13 days ago she’d first seen the little white, bald, Boer baby girl,
Whose skin hid Sesotho blood.
Who weighed 3.5kg and only had her brown eyes as proof,
Who gave one loud scream before gently suckling her brown breast.
Now she walked slowly to the reception desk,
Her problem wrapped in a thick pink baby blanket, wearing a blue Crawler
Her birth certificate, dummy and socks in a Shoprite Checkers packet,
Her little problem now fast asleep in a Moses basket.
She wasn’t supposed to love her because she didn’t at first
She wanted to keep her,
But white babies don’t belong with black unmarried maids,
She hung her head, ignoring the call of nurse,
Walking fast as her tears dropped and her heart broke,
13 days of love and her name was all she would be left with now.

The Veil covering the moon

She holds the basket steadily on her head,
Her moon face completely covered,
with only her eyes lighting her way,
Her long beautiful black locks,
Her straight Cleopatra nose and delicate elongated neck and prominent cheekbones,
Hidden behind a veil
meant to keep her safe, pure and sacred.
The veil that prevents her from learning anything besides the holy book,
The veil that says she cannot finish school and dream like her brothers,
The veil that forces her to get married to someone she doesn’t love and
Have children her body can no longer carry,
The veil that makes her wish she wasn’t a girl,
didn’t have breast and had the right to say no,
This veil that covers her beautiful moon face daily and can only be seen at midnight,
When she daringly takes it off and dreams

Dear Sister

I have been told you fear to look in the mirror,
scared of what you might find.
Like dandelion dust the walls of your heart have fallen;
into pieces the domains of your heart have been broken.

I need for you to feel the strength in your knees,
feel the assurance of tomorrow in your thighs
I know the stride is not with ease
and with the harshness of pain, time flies

I need you to collect yourself again
measure your worth as if the Earth was at your submission
slavery has not bound your spirit to eternal suffering,
neither has rape robbed you of your body

And with each tear, grow a little stronger;
Hold your smile a little longer
Princesses like you will one day inherit a kingdom
Remember, pain is just a part of wisdom

Next time you come across a mirror,
acclaim yourself a precious rock
dance to the beat of the beauty within;
After all you are a daughter to a King

Table Mountain

The mild Cape Town winter weather
triggers blooming of the Heather.
The Erica shines their lanterns
among the Foxtail Ferns.
The white clouds overhead feather.

The Silver Trees create a foil
against which the flora toil.
The King Proteas are gearing up
to supply a feast for birds to sup.
The Cape Cobras in slumber coil.

The Aloes have many a use
and can withstand much abuse.
The fiery red Cape Honeysuckle
led the cultivated hedges to buckle.
Mountain fires lit by the obtuse.

Our proud heritage was in full bloom –
a rambling pathway the only room.
Scorched earth, naked and black;
sustenance of the soil now sadly lack.
The canon on Signal Hill boom.

Official New 7 Wonders Inauguration of Table Mountain in Cape Town: 2 December 2012

Appointment

Give me the eye now and I can have it back to you by 1900, 2200 tops

The choices limited
Fragments of brainiac material have already started to become leakage
Drip, drip and dripping away
Don’t slip on your head juice, Mr
Some baby’s just waiting to laugh at your misfortune

Yes, you must fix my eye

He, the mister quite bitter slithers hither
His belly is chafed beyond any semblance of belief
This is a general gripe amongst the populace
Gooey matter designed to alleviate the problem is simply not good enough
They broadcast their neatly wrapped thought packages to the information centres every day to relay the failure of the gooey matter
Some genius has to come up with something better or they will never stop complaining
Never stop thinking
Give them new matter, better to protect a gut with

This preoccupies his thought package
In the darkness of eyeless transit
The gaping hole in his face decorated by a flimsy sheath

Got to get home to the warm glow

The landscape inhales electrical shockwaves
Smorgasbord
Dotted by damp squids and prattling overlords
Here is where you have to buy nausea
Lay down cold hard currency for simulated emotions
This crud caked celestial body needs the energy
The symphonies of thought packages
Bursting forth and enabling the mass to dangle from thin threads attached to the roof above
The roof of everything, so high up that it has no ending
Swinging along gently then at once with much violent urgency
This home cannot be relied upon for predictable serenity

If only my belly would stop hurting
Oh and my eye
Need it back to start exerting
The essence of my thoughts
So that my home may continue to live

The aching journey nears its end
He comes home

Deep cavern inside the mass
Downward spiralling ever deeper with ruthless precision
He reaches
The gooey matter must be washed away with acrylic
So as not to leave more plump scars on an undercarriage already used to haemorrhage
He is home within home

1900, 2200 tops
Then the eye can be reinserted
The brain juice saved from being squirted
Off in every direction
Slipped upon
So that no baby can laugh at his misfortune

I need the eye or that’s it
Please warm glow
Glow on me

The light obliged
Toasting his insides
Scorching the scales
Blackening his self-awareness
Soot and heat in a cacophony of slow-burn ecstasy

The skin shed itself like every night before for 34 clicks
It unwrapped itself
Dried blood and dried guts moved aside
And from there where he always hides
He emerged

The man from within the creature’s body

His nude frame was bristling with shivers of pain
As the light dimmed to nothingness
He stood upright in the lair
Savouring every second of not having to slither like the beast he must be
Walking tall like man
The forgotten species

Somehow, the mass doesn’t know what I am
The mass must approve of my deception somehow
As long as the thought packages reach their destination
The mass will never hurt me

The man must think for himself
It’s all he really has left
To remind him of what he truly is

Yes, need to fetch the eye at 1900, 2200 tops

Note to self

Dedication – Part 1

All the children
So much to experience
Millions of steps left to take
Insides bound to break
Clueless
No idea of what is to come

Every time you grow up
You feel it nagging at your hollow stomach
Nothing else matters
As long as you get to eat

Eat dead animals
Eat faded coins
Eat rusted nails
Eat bread
Eat flesh
Eat dirt

You grew up nicely
Thank you very much
Here’s the gold star
Stick it to your forehead with spit and sweat
You achieved something

And to think
You were once one of the children

So what do you want now?

Dedicated to 1

Lost Soul

Once upon a time, I saw a shooting star…

When last was I so lucky, last time I went to Kentucky
The man with the wink in the eye, gave me a wish upon the sky

I grabbed a shining star, that exploded on the tar
Hell has closed it’s doors, as I’ve found a brand new shore

Deep in the ocean I find, the treasure I left behind
Diamonds and gold, are never to be sol – or so i’m told

Three wise men came from the East, and showed me to the beast
Greedy for my loot, the scale tipped on my foot

The crib was in my site, the called him “Jesus Christ”
How could I be such a fool, to think the Devil’s eyes were blue?

The beholder of our future, whereupon you find a broken picture
I see a dark moon rising, as the shattered glass surrounds me

I’m just another tiny star, shining down on you so far
To protect you from the evil, from the darkness of the devil

You hold the key to my destiny, I shall wait for thee – eternity
For the path that I have taken, was a martini stirred, not shaken

A can of worms left unopened, when the Titanic hit the ocean
How can you mend a broken heart, just follow a brand new path

You will find the land of milk and honey, where there’s lots and lots of money
For the wisdom of the owl, cannot re-direct my soul

Oh Lord, don’t let him win, for my soul’s not worth the sin
The train has finally stopped, as the devil made his gruesome shot.