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Lerato

When I drown my eyes in bloody tears,
And infants spit in my mouth, elderly curse my name
Then worms eat my flesh,
And God denies my name, Dear:
A day missing youâ€¦ is worse than that.

When whips lash my back,
And dogs rip my skin, vultures gobble my eyes,
Then my family mourns my death,
And my brother shoots my face, Dear:
A smile missing youâ€¦ is worse than that.

When they slit my throat and sell me cheap,
And demons kick my head to smash that skull,
Dear: a laugh missing youâ€¦ is worse than that,
For a life without youâ€¦ is worse than death.

The singing Bells

The bells that sing,

She stamps her feet to the tabla playerâ€™s drum
The bells on her feet singing with him the sad love song devoted to lord Krishna
Na dhin dhin dha
Dha dhin dhin na

They twirl around her legs all 100 of them
Weighing down heavily onto her slim ankles and tiny feet
Cutting into her delicate skin
But leaving no pain

They are all she has in her scary world of brothels and dirty men,
Of Madamji who gave her a home when her own mother died of sickness
But gave it with a price tag, using her beauty and skill against her.
She loves her bells because they are the only thing holy she has.
Blessed by Pandit Swarmi,
With them she can release all her tears, tell all her fears
And just for a little while,
Become the desired and wanted One

Written by
Jacqueline GF Friedman

The fears I have

I fear, I will not be enough for that world outside,
I will not measure up to that who they expect me to be, want me to be.
I fear the one I breatheâ€¦ the one I see, will only see another.
I fear for these faults I have, these weaknessesâ€¦ those flaws.
Who will cherish, who will wantâ€¦ those flaws I have?
I fear, for my weigh on a machine…
It says repellent, it says obese
I fear, for my length on scaleâ€¦
It says unattractive, it says midget
I fear the night, how I prefer the light instead, the bright instead
Those owls and rats and bats; those foul creatures of the night.
I fear the world, will misunderstand these thoughts I have
Misinterpret these ideas I have.
I fear the world will not appreciate;
Those hours on the mirror, those rivers I sweat.
I fear I shall not attain those goals I have, those dreams I dream
My enemies will prosper, while misery and despair are paired with me
I fear they will change my partsâ€¦ make me into a thing with no heart
A thing with no faceâ€¦ and look down on my race!
I fear the questions I have, the doubts I have
But more than ore, I fear I shall die before I live,
I fear I shall not live till I die!

16GB Capacity

I plugged the USB stick into my neck port.
No option to abort.
Less than 16GB to upload.
So little data.
My whole life experience,
zipped into one neat folder for convenience.
This is all I have.

The low-res pictures are of when I was born,
inserting myself into a complicated equation.
I became taller, so that I could stomp the sand.
I (drowned) swam and I (fell) flew.
I build wives and broke them down too.
The hi-res pictures are of how I aged,
like a bitter wine.
Every wrinkle, every line.

The standard definition videos are clipped fragments.
They show me laughing at despair.
The sound of my own voice,
shrill and constantly begging for choice.
I was filmed as I filmed myself,
stacked up upon the highest shelf.
The HD videos are of how I died,
like some dehydrated butterfly.
Every truth, every lie.

Miscellaneous files adorn the rest of the package.
Haphazard mp3.
At the gates and Lionel Richieâ€¦
Spreadsheets and presentations,
filled with my wisdom and cruel machinations.
BMPâ€™s of how I painted bloody rosaries.
A reflection of all I represented in crisp binary code.

I didnâ€™t do enough.
Just the bare minimum.
Just within the margins of a glib outline.
Just enough for me and mine.

I wish it was 16TB.

No More Hallelujah

My love for you will never fade
You locked the door; my bed Iâ€™ve made
A face in the crowd reminds me: so you
The smile at tilt; the voice that lilt
The auburn hair; the skin so fair
My tender heart skips a beat: Hallelujah