Archives for 2013

Grey Boy

how was i suppose to know that all of this is the killing kind

monday blues , mellow moods , the dooby days are lingering in my mind

red roosters YEAH !! or is it speed maybe some kinda poppie seed

mixem good dont be naive, we gonna see the walls breath

your lights are running on a line , but your lines are running out of light

wheres my grey boy why must i wait , cant you see im bloody late

this room is like a puzzle i cant find my way ,i cant talk right now im in a fuzzle

dont leave me here i cant drive

the devils on my back , this bizniz is rive

hows about a gram , come and fly with me

i’ll show you the door to ecstasy

so smoke me gently smoke me nice , i know you’ll be back once or twice

mtwa at the hole

mtwa at the hole

just another day in mtwa at the hole

you gonna find nothing here

just the slobber and the fear

The blind Beggar

She sat by the roadside head bent low.

At the sound of footsteps, her eager hand darts out.

She doesn’t raise her eyes.
Tightly curled knots form a tight cap
That snugly fits the dome of her head.

The timeless hiss of fat tyres
Forms the background symphony of her day,
Still her head bends low.

As the hiss fades and the steady crunch of a step is heard,
She looks up,
Vacuous eyes staring unseeing at the thick blanket of darkness.
The startling blue of the African skies
Doesn’t soften the thick blanket folded across her eyes.

She doesn’t blink.
Slowly her head drops to her chest
Her hand creeps back to its fold.
One more moment has passed…
Is there anybody there?

Sparked Mind

“I’m not saying I’m gonna change the world, but I guarantee that I will spark the brain that will change the world”, that’s what 2pac said;

He sparked mine and I’m going to carry on where he left off before his death;

I’m like a well, when you think you reached the bottom I leave you with more questions;

 

He ignites my mind like a match;

So I grab a pen and pad;

I go blind and let him do his thing cause alone I can’t;

I awake to rhymes of truth that flow like mad;

 

People ask where these words come from cause they can’t understand;

How I always get better with every verse I land;

How can an uneducated, street thug and mortal man;

Write words that nobody else can;

 

I speak the truth with every verse live so everyone knows where I stand;

Jealous bitches and envious nigga’s hate me cause I do what they can’t;

I’m going to keep doubling up and doubling up till these niggas kill me and that’s that;

No one person can stay in the same spot forever, that’s a sucker;

 

And those who feed of the next one is a vulture;

I’m here to get my own, cause I’m a hustler;

I’m on another level always moving up through my struggle;

Jealous bitches and envious niggas try to kill me because they see me as trouble;

 

I’ve set the bar too high;

So they can’t reach it no matter how hard they try;

When I die I want to leave not just a memory but a legacy behind;

I was sent to spit the truth and educate blinded minds;

 

But I know when I make it and my name is associated with fame;

Jealous nigga’s are going to try and kill me to take me out the game;

Money can make lazy niggas stumble and fall;

They want to take it easy and not endure the struggle I did before I had it all;

 

I want to go around the board as many times as I can everyday;

Cause I know one day they going to shut down the game;

In the hood they get jealous when you’re made;

They assume you’ve forgotten from where you once came;

 

But they don’t know that I’ve never changed;

I remained true no matter what came;

Those who know me well know I’ve only become better but still remained the same;

But I got to watch my back, it’s a dirty game;

 

Money never changed me it’s never been the case;

Most of those I knew in the hood threw me away;

Only a few stayed true, those are the ones I’m taking up with me to fame;

I don’t care if foul niggas take my life someday;

 

While I’m alive I’m going to make this world a better place;

With words of truth I want to uplift my niggas trapped in the hood;

So you don’t need to pray for better days and feel hopeless;

Keep your head up and never loose focus;

 

I came from the gutter, I was raised by the street all of you know this;

I’ve come to rescue all of you from the bullshit;

Never give up, never give in;

Never listen to the lies jealous people try and spin;

 

They just can’t bear to see another nigga make it without them;

Just keeping on keeping on and you’ll eventually win;

I’m an angel born with broken wings, sent by God to endure the hood life you’re living;

Born white but sent to understand the struggles you’re feeling;

 

Now I can let the world know the truth and make the white people listen;

I know they never did cause of this “coloureds are nothing” thinking;

But I’m their son so they can’t just throw me away and keep pretending;

It’s time they see the life they forced us to be living;

 

My skin may be light but my soul is brown;

My blood is red but my heart is hood grown;

I’m here to represent the “Bruin Ou’s”;

So keep this in mind before you write me off;

 

I’m a reply to all the prayers sent from the streetlights every night;

God never turned His face away;

He was just setting up the stage;

He needed me to endure the struggles you niggas face;

 

So I can change the cycle of pain so it ends;

I wondered why wherever I went I could never fit in;

God told me if I did fit in, I could never be a leader of men;

So He made me a mixed breed so when I speak people will listen;

 

I’m an angel in disguise can’t you see;

I’m about to spread my wings;

To give this world the truth that they have been searching for;

I know they are sick of the fake people and the lies they’ve been sold

Girl I Can See

Girl I can see the pain in your eyes;

I know how it hurts inside;

Your smile tries but can’t hide the tears you’ve cried;

I can see it cause I used to be like your guy;

 

I know he can’t see your wings;

But they are clear to me;

One day he will wake up and see;

But it’ll be too late to do anything;

 

I know cause I once was a foolish man;

I can relate to him, I did the same so I understand;

I had an angel just like you;

But she up and left cause I acted like a fool;

 

Thought she was easy to replace;

That was years ago yet I’m alone today;

Any woman can wear a ring but not any woman can be a wife, real wife’s are heaven made;

Most are bitches hurt by guys in the same way;

 

I don’t want you to join that cycle of pain;

You deserve more than to be done that way;

Now I ain’t trying to mack you and steal you away;

I’ve been cheated on and I’d never do anyone the same;

 

I just want you to know your worth;

And not believe the lies his telling you or think love is based on bieng hurt;

My mamma brought my up oldschool, I’m a gentleman;

I ain’t a vulture trying to take away another brother’s woman;

 

My best friend macked mine;

So these words are not a pick-up line;

I just want you to follow your heart but not forget your mind;

You’re one of a kind;

 

I love my sisters, even as friends;

I want the best for all of them;

I love my brothers too;

But I don’t agree with the things they do;

 

Some call me a playa hater, some say I’m a bitch nigga;

But I’m sick of the ways good women get treated;

Then they take revenge on the next guy they meet;

And sometimes that guy is me;

 

I want to change this cycle of pain;

I’m sick of things bieng this way;

So I’m just telling you the truth;

And know that you’re wanted by other men too;

 

Don’t let him make you think you can’t survive on your own;

I want you to know you’re worth more than gold;

So you can be happy and free;

And get treated like a queens supposed to be

 

My Time To Shine

Considered just a nobody nigga lost in the game;

Overlooking my tommorows till they finally came;

Mamma prayed for God to bless her only child;

Now all she got to do is sit back collect my riches and smile;

 

My every move is a calculated step;

My mind is like a game of chess always anticipating what’s next;

Always doubling up my game to stay one step ahead;

Never gave up even when all I heard was no;

 

Now it’s time to blaze the world with my words of flow;

To my nigga’s that stay high just to maintain, I understand the pain,nigga I know;

But I ain’t got far too go;

I’m keeping that promise I made back before we were even grown;

 

As I move up, we move up as one;

You never gave up on me and picked me up from every fall;

With every rise, wiped the tears from my eyes and I came back even stronger than before;

See I’ve been in this game since 2001;

 

Now I sit and wonder if the world is ready for my mother’s celebrity son;

To all the bitches and bitch niggas from my past that said I’d never be what I’ve finally become;

That just used me and lied;

Who broke my heart, saw my tears and  smiled;

 

That said I was nothing but a big waste of time;

Who threw me aside when I treated you like one of a kind;

Who left me for dead never thinking I’d ever rise;

You may have laughed back then when I cried;

 

But baby I’ve come to let you know, it’s finally my time to shine

 

Una

Una laps the pond water like a dog. Her eyes stare into the sharded reflection of her animal self. None to see her in the moonlight. It’s her and the pondweed-and-frog smell of the night. She wonders how it is that all she ever feels, really feels, deep down, is utter confusion – a constant state of not being in touch, missing out on vital truths, seeing them in outline perhaps but never grasping them in her spacious moon-brain. The pitted moon – how far from the earth and closer to the sun, yet always one part in utter darkness.

She envies the clear conviction and certainty of people who live in her world. Why aren’t they aware of the bendable, stretchable universe and the chaos. The limitations of her mind perplex her. Why can’t she reach out and touch those shadows that circle around her like dancers.

The lights in the house glow orange and comforting. She watches, like an outsider, through the curtains into her home. Her children move in the lounge and the man stands clutching an oven-glove watching a fascinating moment on the little television across the room. She hears the hum of TV talk and human conversation. It’s a very pretty sight – moving and comforting – yes.

To be a part of that and not – an interesting position.

She pushes her hands into the grass and slowly gets up. Brushes the pond-side bits and pieces off her cotton dress and slips sandals onto her feet, spits the hair out of her mouth, straightens her cardigan.

He steps onto the veranda and frowns into the darkness. “Una,” he calls, “did you get the teddy bear?”

She’d forgotten about the child’s bedtime comfort. She’d come out to look for it among the trees where the children had been playing. They both knew the drama that would ensue.

“No,” she said.

“Well come in anyway. It’s late and sooner or later he’ll have to learn to do without the thing.”

The limp thing smelt of her little son’s adenoids and perspiration. It was almost hairless where he had rubbed it and held it night after night. There were patches covering the holes where stuffing had leaked out. It had a green waistcoat and its eyes were dulled with scratches. An object of love and security.

In that warm house there is never time to reflect, to talk to the quiet. Out here in the autumn darkness she feels less like the squeezed teddy bear.

“Una!” there is a note of impatience now.

“I’m coming…”

I’m coming into the warm world again, to be filled with business and cooking and you. I’m leaving behind my animal self, leaving it crouching in the long grass, gazing at the moon.

Momentary Insanity

I smile broadly in disguise of this pain
I’m residing inside the sea
A sea
Made out of my own tears
Tears
Which I cry for you

It has been over a year
Yet I still find myself waking up in the middle of the night

Calling for you

Curled up in my pillow

Seeking for you

Hoping to find you

On the other side of the bed

Desire running through my vains
Quivering for your embrace
Thirsty for your lips
Longing to hear your soft voice
Saying “please hold me”

Everything seems familiar
But incomplete without you

I dream of you often day and night
I wish all of this was just a nightmare
Cause in the morning it would be over
And you would be here with me
I no longer know when I’m asleep or awake
Am I sleeping or awake now?
I don’t know

I apologize
I didn’t know you were unhappy
Momentary insanity
must have been the reason I caused you pain

I surrender
I was wrong
Save me from my misery
Save me from this insanity

Please come home.

second chance

the taxis were all lining up the day was closing in
there at the bar we sat all day attitude after gin
it was like a normal day no work then we must play
the hours kept on ticking by the wifes wil phone by nine
again and again again and again then again at half past ten
we were all stubborn then as we were the macho men
till this dreadful night we loved sitting at our den
it musta been a all nighter as i woke up in the wreck
the flames were getting hotter as i felt it up my neck
whos the guy behind the wheel and why are we upside down
the last thing i remembered was dancing like a clown
wake up i said to the driver what have you done to us
the bloody car is burning man as sirens start a buzz
i somehow got myself outside dragged the driver to the curb
the car went up in flames from there the neighbours looked disturbed
i said to the man you better run or sleep behind steel and stone
he nodded and said where you going man
i said im going home
i did not know where i was but was happy to be alive
as from that night i never drank again or visited my old dive
the question is will you be able to
tell this story to a friend
or will you burn out before your time is up
your funeral unattend

To the insane asylum dead on Andrews Road, Port Alfred

Numbers, no names in this toothy field:
Stone incisors tilt drunkenly beneath a twelve o clock sky.

Your flaking bones and gaping mouths
lie forgotten in the press of earth,
lost lacework…

Did tender fingers once trace the shell of your ear,
some mouth kiss your warm cheek,
before grey walls and white doors shut out the light,
before your brain burst behind your bloodshot eyes?

Who never came to claim you?
And who clunked the gurney under the run of soulless lights,
Who signed the form, slotted you, filed you and forgot you?

Where do they lie?

But in the crush of years
all turn to dust,
cherished and uncherished.
So why do I ache to scratch away the earth,
find your milky bones,
tease tarsals out like little seeds,
cradle your skull,
give you back your name?

I tremble. A fragment stirs
and I breathe its evocation:
Names can bind and set you free…

Perhaps the mystic in me has not withered utterly;
Parchment dry,
but waiting for a little rain.

The man I love

The man I love lives off borrowed truths.
He is a hoarder of facts.
He quotes entire Bible verses verbatim.
He collects the realities of strangers.
He struggles with his own truth.

He goes to Accounting class
and then compares me to a deferral.
He chats to a classmate who does Chemistry
and then compares me to potential energy.
He tells me I am the girl he would love
if he had a heart.
Clearly he doesn’t do Biology,

I bring him food from home so he can fill his mouth
with something other than words.
I tell him stories.
He moistens his lips with juice I poured
at my kitchen counter and continues to speak.
I ask him to tell me about his past.
He tells me he doesn’t have a father.
He says I am too beautiful to know the rest.
The man I love is a liar.