Archives for July 2015

My Creed

Here I sit vigorously trying to escape from behind these crimson bars of doubt and shame

With yet another thought and looking for someone else to blame

Tears fall from my weeping eyes dropping to the dirty musky floor like acid rain

Hello? Can you hear me why don’t you answer and how can you not see my pain

The echoes of my call flow out me like sharpened daggers opening up the wounds I closed off and left untreated

The vibration of my trembles moves in synch with my beating heart dropping me to my knees suddenly im  feeling defeated

The silence suddenly has become louder, the echoes of its present throbbing in my head

Who is that? That familiar gentle voice inside of me? All this Confusion of what is being said

My hands grasping tightly to the bars that have imprisoned me, the essence of all I am trapped and deeply hidden alone in the darkness of the night

Through bleeding eyes of wounded tears I try see through the blur and distortions but nothing, not even the sign of hope or possible freedom is in sight

Nobody is hearing my cry nobody seems to care but wait hold on doesn’t seem like anyone is there, is this a delusion just my own creation of a prison created by unfounded fear

I know I removed the shackles from the chains that bound me they weighed  me and measured me I know they gone because I see them near

But yet the staggering pain has dug itself deep into the very wounds that have reappeared and opening up deeper and more prevalent forcing me to accept whats real

To break free means to pull apart the parts of me I tried to hide, the parts that became versions of stories that changed to fit in to something good to feel

To see the light I have to become the light, Embrace the pain and break the chains that I and I alone created as a shield of my own protection

To break free is to accept, to forgive and let go of all that was and all I believed it to be and to do so in a humble confession

Thought is our own worst enemy, it creates the actions that become the parts of us we no longer recognise, it reshapes us into beings of denial and shame

We walk around with wounds we think are deeply hidden yet when we come out we see just how much we had them exposed we gave them a name

That name became doubt, lack of self worth, courage and even stripped us of the freedom we meant to feel to fully complete our journey of self discovery in order to be fully freed

I am enough, the wounds do not shape me, the choices do not define me, I will rise to the beacon of my brightest light, I will be free I will succeed yes this is MY CREED

Right Now

Right now I am incapable of discipline.
Right now I’m lost to the idea of bettering one’s self.
Right now I have the will of a man who has none.
Right now when I gaze at my reflection I see not a man,
I see a 20 something year old boy.
Right now I am a boy who still makes excuses for his shortcomings,
And blaming my circumstances
Right now my family would be hurt if they found out that’s what I wrote
The truth is I have it better than most.
Right now I am thinking about an old girlfriend.
Right now I need to stop thinking about an old girlfriend.
Right now I have to get out of bed.
Right now I have to find some discipline.
Right now I need to become excited at the idea of bettering one’s self.
Right now is the time to do it
Your moment is…
Right Now!

Thank you Jehovah

Why have You drawn me
to You -from everyone else
what do You see in me
that no-one else sees
You have loved me from the start
even when i never reciprecated
You give me so many chances
knowing I will let you down again
thank you Jehovah
for loving me for giving me life
thank You for listening to me
even though i am dust
thank You for your son
oh Jah of the heavens thank you thank you thank you

You give so many chances

Judge Me

Did you ever stop to ask if I am doing fine,
Or what’s been on my mind?
But you would rather comment on the amount of make-up
I put on,
Yes you would rather judge me-

Maybe all I’m looking for, is a friend,
You could have been there just to help mend;
But you would rather comment on all the clothes that
I put on,
Yes you would rather judge me-

My sisters, did it not make sense when I often stayed off work,
And when I did return, all you did was smirk,
But you would rather comment on the amount of days
I was off,
Yes you would rather judge me-

Women! Look into my empty eyes.
Listen to my silent cries.
Feel my undetected pain.

Are you not suppose to be a mother, a sister, a friend?
Where’s the compassion that you show your own but not a stranger?
Aren’t we protectors, nurturers, defenders?

All the make-up, all the clothes and all the days off?
They are just to cover the hurt!
Sssshh! Its okay, don’t comment and don’t judge me.


She is the definition of a solo performer singing out loud cries of silence, sometimes she wonders if her shadow would still follow her if it had a choice. Her life story is as tangible as sunlight, she taught herself how to smile through her fear.

She is the torn pages of her own history book and what her native tongue forgot to speak years ago, a head on collision caused by her parents driving to fast on a dirt road just to feel whole.

Drenched in all the words she couldn’t call herself,

Covered in her own mistakes as she drips self esteem from her fingertips,

She believes that she is undeserving to breath as her future is adducted by her past.


She is being raised by street light instead of her father, the only language he spoke were liquor stores on a Sunday afternoon, maybe that’s why she allows stranger to come inside her by vaguely permitting them to spread her leg apart like the torn pages that she is, they have become too thirsty to pour water into her empty glass,

watching her became as transparent as broken windows after a fire,

they couldn’t love her but appreciated how she gifted them by allowing them in between her thighs.


People spray painted her lifestyle onto mural walls, subjected to everyone’s stares but never to be taken ownership for.

Looked over because to some graffiti is not an art by vandalism, the same way her edges are subdue to trans passers destroying the property of her body as she gives in to these invasion,

And when rain falls it hits her harder than Gunshots during a war,

Missiles targeted to set her Islands of safety on fire,

Most days she grows tired of living in shambles.

Depression came when she willingly gives up her bare skin,

Hoping she can be bared with.

To her it is love that only last moments,

And having single moments of love was almost good enough.

Selling her dreams to anyone willing to purchase them as the consequences of forgotten comdoms become evident inside her.

She takes the liberty by removing a mistake and she now carries a graveyard in her womb,

Refusing to allow her seed to be the same accident her parents tried to turn into a purpose.


Sometimes she felt that she grew up in a crippled land,

The only memory she has is her runaway dad,

Nothing changed besides the date on the calendars,

Maybe it too much to ask her tears not to fall over her.


Syringes made her feel whole,

Feeding the hunger to be loved in her soul.

Sniffed the white powder til her white bones turn into powder and she numbs herself like this,

Accustomed to circumstance, detesting the occupant that she is.


She has insecurities she traps under her eyes

While she gives away her pieces of her lopsided smile.

A confidence below zero maybe that’s why she is cold when you touch her. I’m able to smell all the suicide letters she burnt on her skin and I can see all the colours in her occasional hallucinations.


She falls asleep to the lalaby sung by needles and dirty ashtrays.

In her dreams

She runs away from the sun as she chases the wind hoping it would lead her to all her dreams been held hostage by oblivion but soon she is captured by tiresome as she falls away into relinquishments.

Maybe some day the world will spare her and she will be enough.


Her life bleeds a painful type of unchanged disappointments, using the same band aid to heal the wounds beneath her flesh into a new change, but this time something magical happened…


Change occurred when she falls asleep cloaked in defeat and until today she has yet to awaken.


Flow Masengesho.

Letter to my ex

Yes Jack I know
about Candice and lloyd
i suppose that now makes
me good enough
lloyd was very vocal about
how you were
trying your luck with candice
i asked you about her in december
you lied to me
i cannot believe i was so stupid
to believe saying you were
just friends
what really hurts the most
was that i really had strong feelings for you
to you i was someone to amuse
yourself with
when you were in the cape
i hope really hope that oneday you meet someone that you truly care about and that she hurts you
the way you hurt me


I have the flu
i am feeling blue
i’d like a hug
you could catch my bug
maybe i need sleep
goodnight my tweeps


I long for the freedom of the landscape
Where I can allow myself to escape
When the walls are closing in on me
And Hell seems the right place to be.

I reach out to touch the untouchable
I dream of reaching the impossible
I count the sand grains through the hour-glass
Knowing my fate will soon come to pass.

Helpless, hands tied behind my back
No amount of fighting will allow the chains to slack
I beg for reprieve, for a just one chance of freedom
For on last attempt to seek God’s wisdom

I open the gates of the past to catch up
Allowing old pain, hurt and regrets to fill my cup
Holding on to memories of days gone by
While I beseech my soul in vain, to not cry

My mind is strong though my willpower weak
I lived a sunny dream with a future so bleak
I’m trapped in a cell with bars of a strange kind
I’m locked up for life, a prisoner of my own mind.

This world

This world has become a stage where everyone does whatever he or she feels like doing at his or her own time.
Busy pleasing the world out there where he or she receives no profit cause they which he or she is trying to please are also at work pleasing others and getting lost in the way of pleasing others.
That’s the reason why he or she is down on his or her knees, cause he or she values a copy more than an original.
Humanity has lost its ground with people holding their peace from good, gathering up all the riches of this world to themselves as if there is a truck that flies to Heaven to carry their riches with them.
This world has become a playground where people get to play with innocent souls just to fulfil their filthy souls.
Where people pretend to love you only to realize that to them, you’re just a teabag and a nappy, once used you’re thrown away.
Where people expect much out of life than it expect in them, throwing them with dissapointments that tear them apart day by day.
Where people are too good to be true, faking smiles as if they are facebook emojies and creating fake identities for themselves just to earn likes cause likes speak louder than words this days.
But if it is by the will of God then it is okay with my soul cause its okay not to be okay when people are okay.
The question is, have you ever wondered, do you ever wonder, will you ever wonder who you are than who you should be and wanna be in life?

A modicum of reality; A modicum of delirium

Birth and expiration is in close proximity;
However, ironically it infers open contrariness…
Disparage the ignoble, and seek those of equanimity;
Abhor the sinned, and seek those of kindness.
For The Creator is nothing, yet everything_
The Creator is neither male nor female nor transgender-
It is in this thought that we stimulate finding
To find the creator of The Creator thru wonder-
Attempt to search for me, and I shall come,
Call upon my name, and I will undoubtedly hear,
Speak to me, and I shall eternally listen;
Display compassion, and you will attain salvation.
Contemplate about my nonexistence and decipher your birth;
Meditate upon my existence and decipher your expiration.