Archives for June 2015

Thank You

What can i do mum, to show that i love you?
How will you know, you’re a friend and not a foe?
You need to know how precious you are…
You shine in the dark nestled amongst a billion stars!
Through your struggles, your pain, heartache and tears
You never gave in; you just veiled your fears
Your relentless serenity, your conscientious charm
Your instincts of protection which keeps me from harm
So tell me mum, what can i do to show that i love you?
“My child…a simple thank you will more than do”

Love Affair!

You came from my past, into my present but will never my future be..
You brought joy with pain, tears with laughter, oh – the memories..

I felt love when I heard your voice.
I felt guilt when I had to make a choice!
How could I not embrace what I once lost..
A passionate love affair! But at what cost?

I couldn’t breathe, my heart stopped beating.
My love, my life, is this really happening?
An unending road once travelled..
Desirous feelings are now revealed!

The love I feel for you was buried but not dead,
Kept safe in an aching heart, not fed!
This feeling of pure luminous pleasure..
Like a bitter pirate to undiscovered treasure!

You came from my past, into my present but will never my future be..
Thank you for the joy with pain, tears with laughter, oh – the memories..

Passing Meadows

The trees are green and bubbling outside
They look so luscious and full of life;
But all i do is sit at my window
And look over passing meadows.

The wind is blowing but very subtly
Creasing the waters along so gently;
But all i do is sit at my window
And look over passing meadows.

Way up in the sky, beauty is what I see
Cotton wool animals floating so free;
But all i do is sit at my window
And look over passing meadows.

If I had one wish, and one wish only
It would be to dwell in the heavenlies
On the earth below and just make my mark;
If only I could walk!

Love, the moon & the sun x.

The moon & the sun
Are at other sides,
However together,
With their love
They make a world,
With the calming chaotic ocean tides,
And undiscovered iceburgs,
And land forming embedding roots
And rain falling slowly to bring life.
They’re are paralleling opposites
Giving eachother a time to be,
A time to shine,
They are slowly creating an
infinity.

wait

Here I sit and wait,
wait in hope that happiness will come my way.
Wait in hope that my troubles will disappear.
That I will be able to see the purpose of life again.
The importance of living.

Here I am, sitting and waiting.
For my turn of happiness to come.
Happiness that is meant for me.
Unforced happiness.

Here I will sit for ever .
in hope that my happiness will find its way to me, and my troubles will disappear.
I am not yet to give up, nor not ready to quit my destiny.

Because in hope I wait, wait for a brighter day to come.

Her world

The sun was shining and the birds were singing on that day. There she was, across the street. She sat on the pavement as though waiting for something or someone. Day in and day out I watched her but no one came. Seasons came and left but still she did not move. On one summer day, she stood and stared into space as though looking toward a future she once had.

One morning, I did my usual routine and thought just maybe it were time for me to talk to her. I paced up and down the stairs not knowing what I would say to and whether or not she would even talk to me. I ran to the door and stood there for an hour, then a day and before I knew it I had been standing there for an entire week.

“Tina! Are you there?” It was Mrs. Cook. She comes to see me every day. I do not know why she comes because she never has anything to say to me besides the usually “hi Tina” and the “the weather is so beautiful outside”. She scares me. It is as though she knows my fear and is pushing me to face and maybe conquer them. “TINA!” She carried on knocking.  For a sixty five year old she knocks very hard and loud. I went up stairs to change and ran back down the stairs and stood at the door.

“Mrs.Cook! What a lovely surprised. I was not expecting to see you.” That’s what I would say to her all the time. She must have known my script the same way I know hers. Today she looked different, I could not put my finger on what it was but I sensed that she was not here for a casual visit. “Oh Tina, I just came to say goodbye.  My husband and I moving into a nice little cottage at a retirement home on the other side of town.” She said. I stood there startled. I had dreamt of this day for as long as I can remember but never had I thought she was going to leave me.

A month after Mrs.Cook left, stepped out the door and went to the girl across the road. She took my hand and held it. Before I could say a word to her she said “set me free, it is time. Do not hold on to me. You need to move on from this scene in your life. I can not sit on this pavement forever”. “What are you talking about? I do not know you. Who are you?” I said to her. She stood up and stared into my eyes and said “I am the little girl trapped in that cage you call a heart. I am the memories that bring tears to your face. I am the one holding you back from yourself. It took you long to come and face me because you did not want to let me go.” At this moment I thought she was a deranged young girl who was doing drugs. She fixed herself up and started walking away. “Wait! I didn’t get your name” I shouted as she disappeared into the light.

“Tina” a voice whispered in my ear multiple times. “Wake up sweet,  it’s time to go home now” the voice continued. I opened my eyes and saw my mother standing before me. “All her stuff are in this bag. She has come a long way and she is ready to go home now.” a nurse said to my mother. “Did you hear that Tina, you are coming home with me.” my mother said as she hugged me. “Let’s go home mum.” I said.

I understand

I understand is a phrase that I am starting to find hard to say.

I understand I say:
I understand I say when you make me question my sense of self-worth,
I understand I say as you slowly chit away years of independence,
I understand I say when you attack my identity and yet want to lay the blame on me.

I understand I say:
I understand I say when you introduce doubt to my convictions,
I understand I say when you blame your mistakes on me,
For how could you have done that if not for me?

Yet I see no way out.
Confined by expectation and fear.
I have built a prison much stronger than iron bars.
I understand.
I understand is a phrase that I am starting to find hard to say.

To Fear

Evaporate.
Detach yourself from the memories i cling on.
You were never good enough for me.
The comfort I found in the corners of my darkest shadows,
Well, today breaks dawn of a whole new world.
As we divide, I deposit you in the brightest, shiniest days of my past,
And let you hang around the neck of my fears and hope gravity is never defied.
I shall seek self in the origins of mine
And let the wisdom in your words dissipate and attach itself to the air i exhale…
The seed that was left for life to water, Got better with age,
I now see what is for what it really is.
I now fear not.

My envy for the unknown

I lie behind the tall mountain tops
And long to drift beyond the seas
I duck and dive from the roots of my birth tree
And place myself under the shadow of one that is unknown to me
I stretch my eyes to the sky above
With a desire to follow the birds beyond the seas
I diverge my thoughts from the sunset which seems black and white to me
And admire one which my mind sees as marigold
I drink from the well, only the ones like me drink from
Dissolving its tastes into my taste buds
Adopting customs, whose backgrounds are unknown
I block out all which I could see
And envy a world invisible to me
Blinded by the mountain tops before me

If You’d Just Keep Quiet

If you’d just keep quiet-
Our kids would learn to trust
you again,
You’d restore the peace under
our roof,
You’d save our marriage.

If you’d just keep quiet-
You’d solve most of your
problems instead of focussing
on everyone else’s,
You’d do much better at your
job and earn the respect you
think you deserve.

If you’d just keep quiet-
You would have so much more
time on your hands to achieve
all you want to achieve,
You’d control your tongue
and save us a whole lot of
hurt.

If you’d just keep quiet-
You’ make better decisions
and learn from those mistakes
you so often make,
The sun and moon would
smile at you every day of your
life.

If you’d just keep quiet-
You’d be better able to control
your destiny,
You’d break free from your
own bondage,
You’d be able to handle life’s
complexities.

If you’d just keep quiet, and
choose fewer words,
Your life would be a whole lot
easier than this,
You’d stay humble and be
exalted.