This Blank Page (20.09.90)

Where do I find the words to tell you that I’m so sorry?

I may be good with words as some might say but here I am struggling to pen down this apology;

This is not a letter to excuse me, this is an admission of being guilty;

As I sit and stare at this blank page;

Tear drops start to fall as they consume my face;

Regrets plague my lonely mind as it starts to replay;

The days I broke your heart with no reason to find;

And how I always made it seem as you were the reason for every single fight;

Girl I can’t tell you the reasons why;

I look back in time and can’t believe I was that blind;

Punishing you for her crimes;

I can’t undo the pain I caused you no matter how hard I try;

I know nothing I say or do will give you a change of mind;

I deceived you with far too many lies;

I know that I can’t convince you that I’ve finally changed for the good, Lord knows how much I’ve tried;

I can’t beg you to come back one last time;

I’ve been on my knees in front of you endless times, pushing pride aside;

You would just turn around and walk away every time;

I’ve run out of options and so I finally stopped making my problems yours;

Knowing that no matter what I do, you no longer love me like you once did before;

I stopped texting you for it hurt every time I got ignored;

I stopped trying too call knowing that you don’t answer them anymore;

6 years have passed since us I know, but it seems like only yesterday;

Hope still resides within the walls of my heart and refuses to fade;

Hoping you might return someday;

That day never comes, making the next one even harder to face;

I wish I had the words to apologize to you in every way;

Instead here I sit watching as my tears stain this blank page