Why I Never Begged You Too Stay (20.09.90)

When you told me you was leaving, I didn’t pay your words any mind;

I thought you was just bluffin and you’d be back in a day or two like all the other times you bid our love goodbye;

A week passed without a word and I wondered could you have meant goodbye this time;

A month on and I was in town trying to forget about you, then as if scripted you passed me by;

You looked at me like you did that very first time we met;

A smile, yes one in a millon it’s true, to amazing to forget;

I wanted to reach out and hold you tight and whisper “I’m so sorry” but I walked on by instead;

I smiled while you were watching, but I cried the moment you turned your head;

You thought that I never loved you and it made up your mind that you did the right thing when you up and left;

Your family were happy that I was out of your life and so too were your so called friends;

Truth is I loved you more than any words could say, I don’t care what them m*therf*ckers said;

I knew I had messed up so much and the damage was already done, before you ever said goodbye our love had already hit a dead end;

I don’t think a thing would have changed, you’d just get an ego boost if I stopped to beg, then you’d probably take that long overdue revenge;

I didn’t want that to happen, us breaking up and then getting back together over and over again;

I’ve been there before girl and it left my heart in a mess;

That’s why I hurt you in the first place, I was hurt that way by the girl before you and I ever met;

I didn’t want to go out that way, becoming the “one” you wished you never loved and instead of a memory I become just another regret;

See I heard all them stories and the things you chose too believe, making me out to be a bad man,when I just a man who lacked a little common sense;

But I faced all the pain and all the lies and even your family’s ice cold stares;

I didn’t take the chance to defend myself and tell you the truth about why I couldn’t show you the kind of love you really deserved;

You had already made up your mind and left out love for dead;

Watching me as I picked up the broken pieces you had left;

I cried, Lord knows I cried, You were the motivation behind every tear filled prayer I said;

Tears you never saw, things I never told you, you thought I never felt a thing, but girl I did and still do, it’s been 6 years and I haven’t gotten over you yet;

For that reason I must have been easier to forget;

It wasn’t long after you and I came to an end;

That you and your now husband met;

You;ve been married for a few years now girl, perhaps you finally understan why I chose to walk past you that day instead of trying to beg;

I never did that to hurt you, I did that so you would find it easier to move on and fall in love someday again;

I loved you that much that I thought about your future instead of mine, God knows I’d given anything to rewind the hands of time;

I fought everyday just to survive, I kept on forgetting to forget about you, I knew it would be a long term invesment for your life;

See the girl before you did me in and I refused to do you the same, so I sacrified my own heart to stop the cycle of pain;

I loved you more than I ever showed you, it’s hard to give love if your hearts in pieces, I shouldn’t have did you that way in the first place;

So I decided to do right by you and try and make up for all the mistakes I once made;

I still miss you even though I never called to say;

I knew I had to set you free, sending you messages and calling you would have hurt you more, it was the hardest thing to do, I almost gave in every day;

Just like Jesus knew He had to died for the greater good, I had to do the same;

I always loved you 20.09.90, that will never ever change;

I know when we meet in heaven you look at me from a distance with a huge smile on your face;

As you silently thank me for not begging you to stay.