I forgot to care once.

It was pre-puberty
There weren’t any hormones
Of which to speak, then the tragedy
My home, extended family all on their phones
Mommy said Daddy loved you
Everybody shed a tear
I watched them, I missed my cue
What was wrong, did I not care?

I grew up
My first real girl was clear of cork
I had turned into quite the little screw up
Thick, she was still pure, she still enjoyed her pork
I was determined to meet her cup cake
Blinded by “love” we merged knife and cake
Disillusioned she was no longer my cup of tea
Teary-eyed named me evil; did I forget to care?

I grew wiser
The Lord had broke me to remake me
I met another
Sad really, now even I say she completes me
I am eager to learn of perfect and “real” love
She’s on my mind right up to day’s end
I will perfect me to fit her like a glove
I will never forget right up to life’s end

The morning came so soon
Grey light,, before the dawn
Bird calls mingle in my dreams
and sporadic the sounds
of early traffic

This is the way the day starts
This is the way the day starts

not in a bang
but with small beginnings

Say if happiness could be bottled
I would place this feeling in a tight bottle,
under a firm seal it would last forever.
Like a light breeze brushing over my brown skin
suddenly my world was in total peace.
Joy found from blessings that rain,
cool as water from a shaded fountain.
A sigh, a smile, an uncontrollable laugh
found me at random times to remind me.

Days will remain the same
even in terror and deep sorrow,
joy will stay with me all my days
to wipe my tears and give me peace.
“Smile”, said a mysterious voice without a face,
“all will be well with you.”
Who could have known such relief from a few words?
The similarities of routine days so different,
true, no two days are the same.

I am content in myself, with myself.
Loving the woman that I have become,
whole and full of life flowing freely.
Loving completely, a heart bruised but will never stop.
In this, just as it is better days move closer.
A spirit with so much faith,
strong like the woman who houses it…
Living, loving and laughing.

* * *
Written by: Missty

I lived to know the beauty of pain,
my smile growing thicker as I cried harder,
the ache in my chest pounding through to my head hurt so much that I laughed.
How I have grown to become one with my tribulations brought me into the presence of peace.
I clung to the sweat and tears tensely so that I would never forget
how my pain truly groomed me into a passionate combatant.
I will never yield in battle, nor will I rest my weapon down at war,
surrender stands as no option.
In a fierce brawl for a better tomorrow I hold out all stops.
moving to the beat of my racing heart with anticipation,
I danced solo to my heart’s desire loving the anxiety.

Caressed by the seductive nature of being hurt,
I loved to live through it so I could tell the tale of its sweetness.
Longing to become one with the stillness of agony,
where silent cries that land on ears that hear but ignorantly choosing to be deaf.
I was swung right back into that what brought me to all this… pain.
In spite of all and how pulverised my little heart was; like a teenage girl I fell in.
I laughed loudly and wildly at the teary face in the mirror.
How I have come to understand you for leaving me in a well lit dark alley,
where hope finds no home but rests its weary head on my pounding chest,
music undefined, soothing and true.

My pain will never lie yet so brash and comforting it only tells me that this too shall pass.
Tomorrow borrows the troubles of today
Though today will be yesterday and tomorrow today;
trouble remains a permanent guest and my smile; my best friend.
With all my might and all my heart I came to see pain’s smile,
to understand the benefit of open wounds, deep and oozing blood.
The silver linings and lights beyond the tunnels were make believe,
because the bare truth is that it stays with me to remind me and be my friend.
Thank you for being a part of me I carry like a trophy, proudly and glad.

* * *

Written by Missty