Never Understood The Cost Of Love Lost

That old lonesome feeling takes my heart by surprise;

Whenever I open up my eyes;

I have grown afraid to sleep, so I tend to stay up late most nights;

This sudden change has my Mamma concerned, she keeps wondering why;

But how do I explain something I find hard to understand;

That I’ve got the heart of a little lost boy within the body of a grown man;

Sometimes it frustrates me but what can I do;

It hurts but I have no choice but to push on through;

Perhaps I missed something and my name is still on Karma’s list to do;

I’ve told her I’m sorry, I tried to explain why, she slammed the phone down in my ear, so what’s the use;

I’ve called heavens hot line and never seem to get through;

When I ask others for advice on what to do;

They all say to move on and find someone new;

As if I never thought of that, as if I never knew;

There’s nothing I haven’t tried, I’d rip out my heart if I could;

I don’t enjoy missing someone who no longer feels the same;

I don’t want to cry about someone who’s mind I never cross of late;

That has forgotten the things that still haunt my heart like a ghost night and day;

It’s simple to say move on, but doing it isn’t as easy as they claim;

They said Jesus is the answer, I took the step and now I’m saved;

The same problems remain, I’m just considered a tainted saint;

Living in a sinful life but covered by grace;

As if I took out an insurance policy as a slave;

I’m not saying getting saved was a mistake;

I’m saying my intentions were wrong so the result was the same;

If I gave my all to God but not my heart, how could I expect a change?;

I’m not trying to bring down the tone of love in anyway;

I’m just being real, this is how I live in my every day;

Behind a painted smile on a tear stained face;

Only those who know me well can see my pain;

The rest think I’m living the dream life, wishing they could exchange;

Their lives with mine, if only they knew, they’d think it over again;

Love wasn’t the problem, I made the mistakes;

If I had made them knowing the consequences I’d be okay;

But I never had a clue on what the cost of lost love would be one day;

Until it hit me when she walked away;