My Life (In My Own Words)

Born to fail but I still made it;
Even though parents separated;
Broken home;
Too young to know why everyday alone;

Always wondering why mama was gone;
Thought it was my fault all along;
Daddy never cared, coward was never there;
Constant beatings was the only love he ever shared;

Still loved him through all my despair;
Grew older;
Heart turned colder;
Turned to the streets;

Become a hood soldier;
Hung out with the thugs;
Even though they sold drugs;
They showed a young nigga love;

So I became street smart;
Endless fights made me brave at heart;
Nobody knows its hard when no one loves you, hard to carry on;

Had so many step daddy’s;
All hated me;
Bringing constant heat, at night pain made it hard to sleep;
All while life was going on without me;

Made me hard;
Soulless eyes, soul became dark;
Hardly at home, found more love on my block;

Born white don’t mean life was easy;
Life ain’t racist colour don’t stop life from being sleazy;
Never knew love then I met her;
Gave her my whole heart, before I never knew doubt tears or hurt;

Till she did me in left me cold, my soul burnt;
Still hurt today by every cold lesson I learnt;
Every girl after that I never gave a chance;
Hurt them before they hurt me so it didn’t last;

Nobody knows the pain inside;
See my smile but not the war in my mind;
Alone at home, tears falling from my eyes;
Contemplating suicide;

Asking God why I’m alive;
Why He never killed me before I arrived;
Never knew peace;
Until I hit the streets;

Drunk and high, just to maintain;
Living life in the fast lane;
Niggas Rollin up on me;
I was white, , considered me a fool, trying rob me;

Been too long in this game, years of street smart;
When they tried, I never spoke;
Just pull a nigga close;
Bust his ass, made a nigga choke;

See in the hood, questions are never asked;
Niggas gave me respect after that;
Though I was light;
They made me one of their own;

Got baptised in the street, nicknamed me “Kribo”;
Used to go to the hood clubs till daylight;
Too dangerous for me my race claimed;
So I was the only white;

Fights broke out all the time;
Never knowing if its my turn to die;
No man alive;
Witnessed struggles that I survived;

Too many close calls;
Fed up and went to church;
2005 got saved;
On mothers day, then baptised;

Must admit pastor lied;
Said from now life would be easy on my heart;
But life just became even more hard;
Niggas of old turned against me;

Suddenly I was an enemy;
No matter how they tried;
Niggas couldn’t end my life;
Gunshots knives and gang fights;

Every one I managed to survive;
So I was forced to give up on the hood;
I missed the street life, was on my own;
Evicted from the place I called home;

Rolling solo, focused on my life;
Blessings from above made niggas envy me;
They never knew,
When you have Gods favour, Heaven follows you;

Was a prince cause Jesus was my king;
Never knew the power of the blessing;
So He sent me the perfect girl;
But I wasn’t ready so I never appreciated her;

She loved me instantly, though I didn’t know her;
Damaged by my past so I hurt her;
She stuck around 2 years with the constant pain;
The day she left I only realised she was a once in a lifetime;

Since she left I ain’t been the same;
I was to blame;
Tried to get her back;
It was too late;

Years passed thought I had life on track;
Forgot about karma and its pay back;
After she left;
Karma came to collect the debt;

Met a new girl so she did me the same;
Finally understood my once in a life time girl’s pain;
Promised to never break any heart again;

Gave up my studies for that first girl who left me in the rain,
Started from the bottom uneducated nigga again;
But God made me a way;
Got the finer things in life even if I still have pain;

I’m still a prisoner within;
Things that happened in the past still control me;
Will this pain ever leave;
My soul like my body wishes to be free;

Mama asks will I change?;
I say yeah;
But its clear i’ll always be the same;
Some pain never leaves;

Impossible to erase these memories;
People think I’m f*cked up cause I hate everyone around me;
Just a shell of who I used to be;

Shut the world out cause even those closest seem to hurt me;
I am what I am before you judge me;
Take time to see where I’m coming from;

Days are short and nights seem long;
Nobody understands where my cold stares come from;
Branded me a cold nigga, an outcast;
Look past my smile and see my troubled past;

Only have one friend in life;
Only nigga who picked me up;
Never see him now days;
I miss my thug;

Zano is his name;
Only nigga who took time to understand my pain;
Though you are far, you remain on my brain;
Wish you was with me today;

Lies stories and alibi’s;
When I needed people the most they put my heart on lay bye;
Claim to have my back;
Why then when I needed them most did they always slide;

Don’t let my smile fool;
I’m hood smart, don’t fight every battle like I used too;
Choose my battles so I never loose;
Don’t push me there is a thug within who wants to be loose;

I know the damage he can do;
I killed niggas for less than the shit you try to;
Been in jail more times you ever knew;
Secrets I choose too keep;

Hood code, taught to never snitch,
My silence is the first clue,
Don’t push me further, nigga i’m a silent assassin
II’l kill you;

My life you never knew,
Chose not to show you,
Cause you will never understand,
Cant embrace another’s pain until you’ve been through the same struggles of another man;

So next time you pass me by;
Remember the words of my troubled life;
Before you judge my cold ways,
Try and endure the struggles that I survived…..