Free To Be

It may at first seem like only perception
But upon reflections on reflections
I surmise perhaps it is not me you despise
but the idea that, to you,
a simple notion is a subterfuge.

Too terrified to rely
on testimonies testified
by the lived reality of being confident enough to live openly
is a shame.

I, Too, sing a fearful trill
Of things unknown
Over distant hills.

The only out is cessation
that I pray for in emancipation.
When you smile out loud you are
reborn into recreation away from
an eternal damnation of the mind.
So become free.

As I play with words,
all doctrines deferred,
I dip my wings in the tempests
and mock the fervent roars
that seek to mute my humbled intellect.

I claim no wisdom
more than I AM able to live through and I give you no mandate
to doubt what I have been through. But the failure to connect
is a human defect that we are both afflicted by.

The only difference I see
between you and me
is that I am free to be and let be…
thus…
still I rise.

What could I have done?

As I watch movies of apartheid,
as I read of apartheid,
as I hear of apartheid
as I imagine the apartheid era

I ask myself:
What could I have done?

Was I going to fight or flee?
Was I going to be courageous or a coward?
Would I have stood rockstill or hide?
Would I live to tell the tale or would the tale tell of me?
What would my part have been?
Would I have endured the pain or gave into it?

Could I have been able to see the sun through the thunder storm?
Could I have believed in the silver linings of the dark clouds?
Could I have been able to imagine the light at the end of the tunnel?
Could I have been able to hold on till tomorrow?
Could I have been able to believe that oneday these teargas tears
would once be tears of joy?
That these wounds would once be wounds of belief,hope and courage?

Would I have had hope for a better tomorrow?
That I would once shake hands with my enemy?
That this nightmare would once benefit generations to come

I also ask myself
would I have carried the cross with Jesus or crucified him?

As a daughter of the South African soil
I would like to give a great applaud to our fallen stars,
Our forgotten soldiers,
Our heroes and heroines,
Both alive and those only with us in spirit,
may their names be written in every black seed’s mind and heart
may we carry their courage in our souls
may every history book remind us of them
may every street corner,monument and statue be for and about them
may we remember them in all our country’s victory and achievements

For they are the reason why I can write,walk,talk,breathe,sleep and live freely

Amandla to you all!
For having fought for a dream that you carried only in your
hearts and souls
For enduring the pain,
For standing for what you believed in,
For being selfless

I the daughter of the soil would like to say
THANK YOU!

I’ll Bend For You

As much as I can fold,
I’ll go
I’ll wrap up all my soul,
You know

I’ll trim back parts of me you don’t like,
So we won’t fight,
So you’ll be right,
So you can…

Tell me when it’s enough
When I’ve smoothed out the rough
Not deserving of your love?
I’ll do whatever, I’ll give me up.

Fold me over till I’m tiny
For your L.O.V.E
You won’t see the real me
Tell me now, am I worthy?

Hide me

They said to hide knowledge from a black people you should hide it in the book.
That their brains are as short as their hair.
Today I hide myself with embarassment,ashamed.
When the future education is destroyed by corruption,when they are warming the seats with corruption and incompitence.
I hide myself when future give no darn about spelling and grammar.

When the only word can spell is ‘no job’ and ‘no food’.
Hide me,hide me I’m scared.
Scared for South Africa’s children.
Rather learn how to mislead the youth,and how to pay someone to kill anyone who makes your seat uncomfortable.

Than to end up being shot by police for mining your kid’s bread.
Or drag to hell for being you.

Someone hide me

let it go

i love you echoes in my ears
though from a distance
fading

as the wind sweeps them on the tee barks
grass and the sand
lingering, through tiny hole
body in cold eyes watery
hands shaking
remains my communication language

he, walking lackadaisically
as if it did not exist
without heart and care
after the venom,breaking
the fragile heart,
memories start haunting
like a winter wind
speechless.

tears dry ,forcing a smile
though heart is bleeding
accepting the future ,
and forgetting the past,
memories

She was

She was sweet,lovely,kind and cheerful
She was one of a kind,always cared for everyone,
always gave away our old clothes,
always gave me a good hiding whenever
I lost my school jersey(a habit I’ve since lost)
with a wet bath cloth in the bath

Always gave us a fit when we didn’t
finish our plates,
“People are starving and you’re ungrateful”
Being a kid then I didn’t understand
but I do now

I was my brother’s keeper,being the firstborn,
back and forth from creche I would take him
I hated it then,
but when another kid would make fun of him
I would in a heartbeat try to discipline that damn kid!

She left that day and somehow,
I knew that she wasn’t coming back
as she’d often do
It was June the 12th when we were told
of their passing a day after my birthday
we almost cried our eyes out but luckily we didn’t,
imagine being blind and parentless!
It was June the 17th when she was placed
in a brown box,she laid in it,
as beautiful as I always remembered her,
but she seemed numb,cold and lifeless,
I thought however that the box seemed
too small and stiff,but anyway it mattered not,
since it will be put in a six feet pit,which will be decomposed
by the earth and all the worms and whatever that lived in the earth,
in maybe a day,or a week or a month but definitely
It will be tattered and just bones left

She was our everything
She was our mother and provider
Our protector and disciplinarian
She was our guardian and mentor
She was our rock

She was our mother.

Oh Yes I Am a Killer – And I Like It

Yes I have killed and you can’t blame me
I killed an ant that terrorised me
It ate my hard-fought food
And that fuelled the feud
It fed on my children’s stuff
And I beat it with my staff
Yes I killed and I’m proud of it

Ants killed me emotionally
They made me a killer myself
It’s true I have killed
And it’s not the first time

First, it was a big cockroach
I killed it alone unassisted and then it was a fly
I took my sharp hatchet and killed it instantly without a lie
The police saw everything – but they are my friends
I am a killer and I am happy with the title dear friends

I will continue killing them
I will shoot them with my sling
And kick those who follow me
And I will always enjoy killing them

I don’t care what the seemingly sane people say
I simply do what I like
I kill the ones I don’t like
Oh yeah, I admit, I am a proud killer

I don’t mind going to gaol
As long as I have accomplished my goal
It’s nice killing these folks
And they are my worse foes

Let everybody help me kill them
Killing has never been so nice
Only death will stop me from killing them
They break into my house
And they messed up all my kwaito and house music files

And now I will move up the ladder
I will have to finish all the mice
I don’t need a cat to do that
And catching them will be very nice
I can do it with my bare clean hands

These bastards – damn it – they make me angry and hungry!

Empress Woman

Left to right, wide hips swaying.
Sun kissed skin, glowing under the sun.
Beads of sweat between her breasts,
a feminine brow to soften her face. What a sight…at first glance, then you take another look, and another, and another…see?
She crushes thornes with every step,
her feet hard, from the days strife.
A harsh, yet soft sight.
Big beautiful brown eyes, should never have been witness, to so much ugliness & yet they too still have a glow about them.
In every stride she grows & learns, still to discover the empty throne that awaits her.
When she finds inside her that natural light, she’ll know to respond when her real name is called.
Child, don’t be afraid to take your place. Own it for when you are addressed by that name, you would have earned it.
So dance still, sway those hips lightly to this beat called life…embrace who you realy are.
Half truths will starve your soul, learn to point out the real from the fake.
Remember you are born of Women who made real, warm homes out of nothing. Your strength is unmeasured. Best be sure it will be tested still, rise above it, there’s still work to be done. Don’t forget child…
Your throne awaits you, take your place- Empress Woman.

Time Keeper

Pretty please Mr Timekeeper, lend me your glass eye…
I’ll stand patiently like a stalker and watch from the window thru the cold nights. I swear to you, I wont make a sound.
I wont go through her house trying to catch a whiff or her scent. Nor will I go into her sleeping childrens room, searching for my features in their faces.
I’ll fight the urge, to climb through the window, the urge to touch or speak to her.
Dont stand there with that grin on your face! I only wish to know what you know! Tales told of the the time keepers gift, make my heart heavy with envy. You look into the future, the past and present. Do you even know the value of ‘certainty’ when it’s as good as the piece of carpet on your doorstep?
So please mr! Lemme sneak a peak at whats to come for me?
I’ll be good, I’ll only watch her…

Pehaps knowing what lies ahead, would make all my present experiences worthwhile.

Butterflies

I have that uneasy feeling, butterflies in my belly, they must have been smoking sumthing cos they moving around real eratic and ish. I feel like everything around me is abt to crumble!
Crash! Boom! Woooooosh! Wooosh! Wooosh! The backlash!
Einaaaaaa!!!!
Windows rattling, they explode! under the intense sound of my heartbeat. Shattered pieces of glass, I walk on them across the floor, draging my soles, my soul.
My big eyes watch, the walls crack, the ceiling crumbles I stand there watching.
They scream! Get out! Get out of there! Its gonna kill you! I hear them but my heartbeat too loud to listen to them.
Aaaaaaaarh these voices in my head! These sisters that guide me daily still remain! Get out! Get out! Get out! They chant to the drumming of my heart. Get out! Get out! Get it out child!
I cannot ignore…their words echo in my ears! Past the falling door frames, shattered picture frames, the curtains caught fire, everything is falling apart! I knew it was! I take heed of the voices… OUT OF THERE!
Standing OUTSIDE of there, OUTSIDE of me, I watch as the house burns. The grass between my toes feels so alive, so young, so sharp! so new! Renewed! Anew! Me!
I am not afraid to build. I have never been afraid to build. So let the walls tumble and fall, lets the gates crumble to the ground, bring on the floods! Brim stone! The works….
After all is said and done, I will build again and put to sleep the buterflies in my belly.