Archives for 2013

Jesus thank You for the furnace, thank You for the flame;

Thank You for the tears, lonely nights and pain;

I hated You then but I thank You today;

Lessons learnt in yesterday;

 

Equipped me to help Your people avoid my mistakes;

You taught me to overcome so Your people could be saved;

I cried tears, took the scars so they never have to endure the same;

How much You love them, that You had them in mind when I suffered that way;

 

If they only knew your goodness, cause me you’ve never once failed;

When there was no way, you made a way;

What the world considered impossible, You called a 2 piece puzzle when I prayed;

Your foolishness is wiser than any man’s knowledge anyway;

 

Lord I never thought I could fall in love with You;

Your grace and mercy even when I hurt You everyday made falling for You easy to do;

To think You chose me before I was born, when I always thought I chose You;

Just at a whisper of Your name and You move Heaven and earth and run to me;

 

When I feel most alone on earth You remind me You’ll never leave;

When I cry You catch every tear;

To show me one day how much You cared when we meet;

It’s those little things You do that never cease to amaze me;

 

I’ve had money cars and life’s finer things;

But grace and mercy is the real reason  I’m rich;

Just cause I’m saved don’t mean I’m perfect;

Your name is Rabbi, meaning teacher, so me You’re forever changing;

 

World said I’ll always be the same;

But I had an ACE up my sleeve and Jesus is His name;

Your speciality is broken people so I could never stay the same;

What the world considered impossible, you called nothing the day I got saved;

 

Father thank You for the fire, the pain and tears everyday;

You love them so chose me to be the sacrifice to save Your children someday;

If they only knew Your love, don’t worry I’ll show them the way;

Lord so when we meet I just want to thank You for all the hurt cause it made me the man I am today…..

was a young fool;

The day I first met you;

Should have been open and told you the truth;

You didn’t deserve all the pain I put you through;

 

The day you walked away I lost my once in a lifetime, I instantly knew;

Replacing you was going to be impossible to do;

Never the less I tried and had a few after you;

Year after endless year slowly I was realising;

 

I miss the little things you used to do;

Things you thought I never saw;

Things that haunt me now and I wish I appreciated them much more;

To God I pleaded to undo the hurt and love to restore;

 

To give me a chance to show you I’ve changed and not who you knew before;

More years passed and you tied the knot, I lost all hope;

But something in my heart refused and love for you I felt it grow;

God heard my cries and now we are friends once more;

 

I understand the value of loosing you, so friends is all I could’ve asked for;

My life was incomplete and I never understood why, I never saw;

Now that you’re back I found my soul to be whole;

Thank you for looking back before closing your heart’s door;

 

You had every right to never look back at all;

I didn’t derserve the time of day;

I guess the same God who makes a heart as hard as clay;

Has the power to melt it in the same way;

 

I want to show you how I have changed;

Not to win you back but to make up for all my past mistakes;

I kind of know it will never be more than friends again;

But I know how living without you pains;

 

So friends is more than I could have asked for when I prayed;

God finally restored the missing puzzle piece, my first love, my yesterday;

Thank you for giving me a chance to make up for the pain;

You helped a lost man find his way…..

 

Wish I knew what I know now;
Wish I could return to the day we met somehow;
Wish I put you first back then;
Wish I never missed out on time with you because of my friends;

Wish I left her in the past;
Wish I focused on you and made it last;
Wish I never broke your innocent heart;
Wish I took the time to love you from the start;

Wish I never played my foolish games;
Wish I appreciated you before you walked away;
Wish I showed you love instead of pain;
Wish I never cheated can’t believe I did you that way;

Wish like God I was able to read your heart;
Wish I never pretended to be someone I’m not;
Wish I gave you all my love;
Wish I spoiled you instead of leaving you with barely enough;

Wish I took time to get to know you;
Wish I opened up to you about my heart and showed you;
Wish I listened to you everytime you cried;
Wish I never fed you all those lies;

Wish I never left you alone all those nights;
Wish I was a faithful guy;
Wish I appreciated those gorgeous eyes;
Wish I knew I’d never find another love like you again in my life;

Wish I kept promises I made to you;
Wish I answered the calls you made;
Wish smse’s you sent I saved;
Wish I made you my lady and not my sex slave;

Wish I appreciated you all day everyday;
Wish I wasn’t blind, wish I was as wise as I am today;
Wish you never left my side;
Wish I never let you slide;

Wish you never became another man’s wife;
Wish you knew that today I’m what you begged God for every tearful night;
Wish you could come fetch your mr right;
Wish you weren’t so far out of sight;

Wish I had just one more chance;
Wish I had one last dance;
Wish you never walked away;
Wish I knew how much I’d miss you today;

Wish I wasn’t blind;
Wish I could press rewind;
Wish I could still be the only guy on your mind;
Wish I could undo all the bad times;

But wishes never come true;
If I had one, know that I’d use it on you;
You heart’s sacrifice changed me into a Prince who was once a fool;
Wish I never realised how much I loved you before the day you walked away;

Wish I had one more day;
Wish I had once more chance to say;
You are the only one I ever truly loved with all my life;
Babygirl I wish you were still here tonight……

Calls to you were always ignored;

Tears rolling down my cheek hit the floor;

If I gave my all;

Why did you stand and watch me fall;

 

Gave you the best of me;

But you were never pleased;

Ever ready to up and leave;

I even put you above my family;

 

Treated you like a queen from the start;

But you never let me near your heart;

Never let down your gaurd;

Made everyday with you so hard;

 

Never really understood;

Why I was never good;

Kisses were always cold;

Always felt forced when your hand I tried to hold;

 

Avoided me around your freinds and fam;

Pretended like I was never your man;

Wondering why, could never understand;

If you loved me why was I left feeling abandoned;

 

Your smile always confused;

Never showing the real you;

Made me believe you felt the way I do;

After a while I discovered out the truth;

 

You never loved me, I was bieng used;

You were in love with someone new;

I was raised right so I stayed true;

Pretended to be blind so I never hurt you;

 

But what hurt the most;

Everyone knew that you kept close;

I was the fool;

Yeah I was the last one to know…..

Born to fail but I still made it;
Even though parents separated;
Broken home;
Too young to know why everyday alone;

Always wondering why mama was gone;
Thought it was my fault all along;
Daddy never cared, coward was never there;
Constant beatings was the only love he ever shared;

Still loved him through all my despair;
Grew older;
Heart turned colder;
Turned to the streets;

Become a hood soldier;
Hung out with the thugs;
Even though they sold drugs;
They showed a young nigga love;

So I became street smart;
Endless fights made me brave at heart;
Nobody knows its hard when no one loves you, hard to carry on;

Had so many step daddy’s;
All hated me;
Bringing constant heat, at night pain made it hard to sleep;
All while life was going on without me;

Made me hard;
Soulless eyes, soul became dark;
Hardly at home, found more love on my block;

Born white don’t mean life was easy;
Life ain’t racist colour don’t stop life from being sleazy;
Never knew love then I met her;
Gave her my whole heart, before I never knew doubt tears or hurt;

Till she did me in left me cold, my soul burnt;
Still hurt today by every cold lesson I learnt;
Every girl after that I never gave a chance;
Hurt them before they hurt me so it didn’t last;

Nobody knows the pain inside;
See my smile but not the war in my mind;
Alone at home, tears falling from my eyes;
Contemplating suicide;

Asking God why I’m alive;
Why He never killed me before I arrived;
Never knew peace;
Until I hit the streets;

Drunk and high, just to maintain;
Living life in the fast lane;
Niggas Rollin up on me;
I was white, , considered me a fool, trying rob me;

Been too long in this game, years of street smart;
When they tried, I never spoke;
Just pull a nigga close;
Bust his ass, made a nigga choke;

See in the hood, questions are never asked;
Niggas gave me respect after that;
Though I was light;
They made me one of their own;

Got baptised in the street, nicknamed me “Kribo”;
Used to go to the hood clubs till daylight;
Too dangerous for me my race claimed;
So I was the only white;

Fights broke out all the time;
Never knowing if its my turn to die;
No man alive;
Witnessed struggles that I survived;

Too many close calls;
Fed up and went to church;
2005 got saved;
On mothers day, then baptised;

Must admit pastor lied;
Said from now life would be easy on my heart;
But life just became even more hard;
Niggas of old turned against me;

Suddenly I was an enemy;
No matter how they tried;
Niggas couldn’t end my life;
Gunshots knives and gang fights;

Every one I managed to survive;
So I was forced to give up on the hood;
I missed the street life, was on my own;
Evicted from the place I called home;

Rolling solo, focused on my life;
Blessings from above made niggas envy me;
They never knew,
When you have Gods favour, Heaven follows you;

Was a prince cause Jesus was my king;
Never knew the power of the blessing;
So He sent me the perfect girl;
But I wasn’t ready so I never appreciated her;

She loved me instantly, though I didn’t know her;
Damaged by my past so I hurt her;
She stuck around 2 years with the constant pain;
The day she left I only realised she was a once in a lifetime;

Since she left I ain’t been the same;
I was to blame;
Tried to get her back;
It was too late;

Years passed thought I had life on track;
Forgot about karma and its pay back;
After she left;
Karma came to collect the debt;

Met a new girl so she did me the same;
Finally understood my once in a life time girl’s pain;
Promised to never break any heart again;

Gave up my studies for that first girl who left me in the rain,
Started from the bottom uneducated nigga again;
But God made me a way;
Got the finer things in life even if I still have pain;

I’m still a prisoner within;
Things that happened in the past still control me;
Will this pain ever leave;
My soul like my body wishes to be free;

Mama asks will I change?;
I say yeah;
But its clear i’ll always be the same;
Some pain never leaves;

Impossible to erase these memories;
People think I’m f*cked up cause I hate everyone around me;
Just a shell of who I used to be;

Shut the world out cause even those closest seem to hurt me;
I am what I am before you judge me;
Take time to see where I’m coming from;

Days are short and nights seem long;
Nobody understands where my cold stares come from;
Branded me a cold nigga, an outcast;
Look past my smile and see my troubled past;

Only have one friend in life;
Only nigga who picked me up;
Never see him now days;
I miss my thug;

Zano is his name;
Only nigga who took time to understand my pain;
Though you are far, you remain on my brain;
Wish you was with me today;

Lies stories and alibi’s;
When I needed people the most they put my heart on lay bye;
Claim to have my back;
Why then when I needed them most did they always slide;

Don’t let my smile fool;
I’m hood smart, don’t fight every battle like I used too;
Choose my battles so I never loose;
Don’t push me there is a thug within who wants to be loose;

I know the damage he can do;
I killed niggas for less than the shit you try to;
Been in jail more times you ever knew;
Secrets I choose too keep;

Hood code, taught to never snitch,
My silence is the first clue,
Don’t push me further, nigga i’m a silent assassin
II’l kill you;

My life you never knew,
Chose not to show you,
Cause you will never understand,
Cant embrace another’s pain until you’ve been through the same struggles of another man;

So next time you pass me by;
Remember the words of my troubled life;
Before you judge my cold ways,
Try and endure the struggles that I survived…..