Reflecting on mistakes I’ve made in my mind;

Looking out my window asking God if I could rewind time;

So I could relive my childhood days before they faded away;

And enjoy the time I took for granted in my younger days;

 

Before stress was a part of my every day;

And before death was a wish sent on a prayer addressed to Heavens gates;

If I knew life would be this hard;

I’d have thought twice before making mistakes;

 

I got all I want but nothing that I need;

I am a man who was destined to fail but managed to succeed;

I have experienced the luxuries most beg to have;

And lived the life most wish they had;

 

But money and fame don’t fulfil a heart’s empty space;

Love damaged me and now I’m a man full of doubt come what may;

Begging the Lord for change, on my knees at night as I pray;

Tears stains burnt into my face;

 

My mother looks at me in hopes that I’d change;

But it’s clear I’ll always be the same

 

Lately I have death on my mind;

Wondering if the next name God will call is mine;

If so I’m in trouble, my life’s full of sin and I’m scared of that judgement line;

People claim I’m saved so I’ll be just fine;

 

But they don’t know that I’ve lived my life as a thug and I will until the end of time;

It’s too late to change now, I know cause I’ve tried;

Things I thought I shook still haunt me like every night;

To be honest, I’m sick of this endless fight;

 

If I knew being saved was this hard, nigga I’d have thought twice;

It ain’t about not loving God or any disrespect;

It’s about being real and being sick of all this shit;

Troubles haunt me as if I was fame;

 

At night lay awake, trying to subside my mind while I’m going insane;

Sipping Hennessy in hopes to subdue this pain;

I could lie;

And say I’m all good and life’s just fine;

 

But I’d only be fooling myself in the end;

Scars of the past are still real even If I pretend;

My broken heart’s still in pieces even If it seems like it’s whole;

My smile hides the darkness that consumes my soul;

 

I play life like a poker game, I bluff as if I’m about to win, when my hand is destined to fold;

I can’t see where I’m going cause today seems so dark;

I can’t look back to where I’ve come from because it’s littered with scars;

I don’t know how I even made it this far;

 

People think my life’s all good and I’m just ungrateful every day;

What they would give to enjoy the essence of fame;

Nigga I’d trade it for peace of mind any day;

If you knew the truth;

You see that fame is a curse;

 

If I could I’d trade it to go back to my birth;

With the wisdom I have now, just so I could undo all this undeserved hurt….

You said the words “I Love You”, when you knew it wasn’t true;

You said you would come see me sometime girl, but you never do;

I tried to play it off, as if I misunderstood;

See, my past has taught me never to assume;

But actions never lie, I made you my queen girl, but you made me your fool;

 

Looking back girl I wish I knew;

That you’d be playing with my heart while I was loving you;

I can’t see into the future, so these scars are lessons learnt along the way;

I could say life is unfair, but these are just the choices I’ve made;

 

Life is not like those fairy tale stories, you can’t undo past mistakes;

All you can do is learn along the way;

I could say I wish we never met or that I never approached you that day;

But I’ll still remain in the same place, nothing would change;

 

So instead I thank God I did, even If it sounds strange;

Hear me out, give me a moment to explain;

Because of girls like you, I’m wiser than I was yesterday,

No girl would ever get another chance to run that same game;

 

Will that erase the pain you caused, never days;

But I’ll be wiser when another bitch slides my way;

I’ll see them same signs and when she greets I’ll just lift my middle finger, turn around and walk away;

Sounds cold, but as God as my witness I refuse to be hurt again.

 

My bad girl I admit you got the best of me;

Your shady ways had my mind decieved;

But I ain’t really concerned;

I learnt through the bridges you burnt;

 

Your ways will backfire on your shady ass one day;

Karma will take revenge for the tears you burned upon my face;

You’ll look back and regret it someday;

Lies you fed me and I gave you the benifit of the doubt;

 

Believed them throughout;

I’m to blame I have the tendancy to fall for them bad girls;

Guess I am the reason I’m hurt;

It’s always been the case;

 

You weren’t the first bitch that did me this way;

And you probably won’t be the last;

Because of girls like you I’m wiser cause of my past;

So girl, I ain’t mad;

 

Life’s a gamble, you gots to loose sometimes to become a better man;

My wife I’m sure will thank you one day for breaking my heart;

I’ve learnt what it feels like to be torn apart;

I’ll never do the same to another girl again;

 

You never understand another’s struggled until you’ve endured the same pain;

So in hindsight I’m glad you did me that way;

Your pain inspired me to write these words and they propelled me into fame;

I just pray you never come my way again;

 

I can’t promise I won’t also run game;

And pretend to love you when I don’t feel the same;

That’s how you once did me;

I’m saved, yes, but I still have the nature of a human bieng;

 

I know I shouldn’t take revenge because of my yesterday;

But fuck that, one day God will judge me and then I’ll pay;

Now I admit I ain’t filled with hate;

Just regret for the fool of me you made;

 

I’m real and I will take my revenge if Karma allows me that fortune one day;

You’re an A Grade ho, that’s all I am going to say;

I feel sorry for the next fool who comes your way;

I’d warn him but you’re too fast, it’ll be too late;

 

He’d think I’m just after you again;

But in the pain you left me, I found the way to stage of fame;

I endured all this undeserved pain;

One day you’ll recall our yesterdays;

 

And wonder why you hurt the answer God sent to you all those lonely nights with tears you prayed;

But know this girl, I’ll never come back your way again;

Pain made me wise, my heart will never allow you to run the same game;

Before you ever call me, know if you do it’s too late and to you  I will do the same….