Trade It All

Lately I have death on my mind;

Wondering if the next name God will call is mine;

If so I’m in trouble, my life’s full of sin and I’m scared of that judgement line;

People claim I’m saved so I’ll be just fine;

 

But they don’t know that I’ve lived my life as a thug and I will until the end of time;

It’s too late to change now, I know cause I’ve tried;

Things I thought I shook still haunt me like every night;

To be honest, I’m sick of this endless fight;

 

If I knew being saved was this hard, nigga I’d have thought twice;

It ain’t about not loving God or any disrespect;

It’s about being real and being sick of all this shit;

Troubles haunt me as if I was fame;

 

At night lay awake, trying to subside my mind while I’m going insane;

Sipping Hennessy in hopes to subdue this pain;

I could lie;

And say I’m all good and life’s just fine;

 

But I’d only be fooling myself in the end;

Scars of the past are still real even If I pretend;

My broken heart’s still in pieces even If it seems like it’s whole;

My smile hides the darkness that consumes my soul;

 

I play life like a poker game, I bluff as if I’m about to win, when my hand is destined to fold;

I can’t see where I’m going cause today seems so dark;

I can’t look back to where I’ve come from because it’s littered with scars;

I don’t know how I even made it this far;

 

People think my life’s all good and I’m just ungrateful every day;

What they would give to enjoy the essence of fame;

Nigga I’d trade it for peace of mind any day;

If you knew the truth;

You see that fame is a curse;

 

If I could I’d trade it to go back to my birth;

With the wisdom I have now, just so I could undo all this undeserved hurt….

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