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Who Knew

Girl it’s been years since you walked away;

Our song still reminds me of that day;

How much I’ve grown, how much I’ve changed;

Became who you wished I’d be even though it came too late;

 

Today I sit and reminisce;

About that once in a lifetime girl I missed;

So focused on the past, I mistreated God’s gift;

After you, I promised I’d never let another oppourtunity slip;

 

Treat every girl like heaven’s only wings like I promised;

Never hurt any girl since;

So even If you’re my only regret;

Because you loved me through the pain every girl after you enjoys the benifit;

 

I cry at times wishing I woke up just one day before you left;

Wishing I had this knowlege back then;

Never had a dad who cared, I know that’s no excuse;

But that’s one of the biggest reasons I ran you through;

 

I was a baby raised in broken home, where love was expressed through pain, the only kind of love I ever knew;

I didn’t know how to treat a woman, no one ever taught me how too;

I learnt as I went, I was ran though by the girl before you;

So I was still stuck in the hurt of yesterday, guess you never knew;

 

Who knew the one girl I ran through;

Would be an angel in disguse called you;

Sent by God to ease my past pain;

Who knew that kind of true love would be so hard to find again;

 

Never hurt another regardless how they do;

Before I react I’m reminded of the day I lost you;

So I stay silent, tears fall I kiss her and walk away, keeping the promise made because of you;

The other girls laugh, thinking I’m just a fool they can walk over and use;

 

But if they could only read my mind, if they only knew;

The cost of me treating them as good as I do;

The reason they get a man who women beg God to send, is all because of you;

Your broken heart was never wasted, your love made the impossible come true;

 

The world gave up on me said I’ll never change, but who knew;

God removed the impossible and the angel He chose was you;

I’m sorry for the tears and pain, if only I knew;

I’d have held you close and never let you get away;

 

Who knew you’d be so hard to be replaced;

Beauty and true love, girl they don’t make them like you;

That’s how I know You were sent from above, your love was the truth;

After us, i’ve had a few, treated them like I should have treated you;

 

Even though I did it all right, it still fell through;

Guess those girls never had real love the way I had with you;

Who knew, someday our roles would swap and now I’m crying the tears I forced on you;

Today I sit and wish for a girl like you, but God only made one so I’m forced to substitute;

 

An angel from above sent to show me how to love;

Who knew that angel would be you…

 

Crossed My Mind

Babygirl I thought of you today;

Wonder If I ever cross your mind in the same way;

Though it’s been some time since we went seperate ways;

I miss our past days;

 

You cross my mind from time to time;

It’s not that I want you back,I just wished we never crossed the line;

I miss my friend the most;

A confidant I could turn to in troubled times and not your ghost;

 

I haven’t told you this due to a prideful heart;

Kept it to myself because it don’t matter since we been apart;

Beauty like yours has been hard to find;

Guess it’s one of the reasons you often cross my mind;

 

Roses 24/7 your face is heavens reflection;

Your love was more than just affection;

Do you remember these lines;

The first one’s I wrote to you when you became mine;

 

You were gold in the slip stream I surely missed;

I always knew since that first kiss;

I some how know I’m not really missed;

But I look at the falling stars and you are still my only wish;

 

Looking around for any sign;

That the Lord might once again make you mine;

But it seems to be a trick my heart tries to play on my mind;

But my happiest times nowdays are those times you often cross my mind….

 

Wish I

Wish I had the power to remove another’s pain;

Heartbreak is the hardest to wash away;

I’d choose physical pain above it any day;

Wish I could educate men so they avoid my mistakes;

 

To hold on to that girl before she walks away;

To show them how to love and not play love’s game;

Cause you loose either way;

Wish I could teach women to be patient;

 

Before they get fed up and change;

To stick with their men and not walk away;

To teach them real love is hard to replace;

To forgive and not leap from lover to lover;

 

To take time to heal and recover;

You only meet more pain when you replace it with another;

Hurt people, hurt people that’s cold fact;

Once trust is gone it’s impossible to get back;

 

Wish I could show the world my life movie;

So people can let go of fake lives and live truly;

Regret is a prison within;

Doing time forever cause you can’t escape yourself by any means;

 

Time only heals but never removes the memories or what you do;

So treat people better than they treat you;

For karma I’ve learnt always collects tears debt that’s overdue;

When least expected it attacks, even if forgotten it never forgets you;

 

We need change in life today;

Sick of the old ways;

I wish I could be that soldier who can save;

To answer all the pleas of those who beg for a better day….

The Reason I Closed My Hearts Door

You were the first girl in my life;

You were my very first time;

If you knew I wasn’t going to be your only man;

Why did you ever ask me out, I’ll never understand;

 

I loved you unconditional;

I trusted you without doubt;

I loved you till it hurt;

But my bridges you up and burnt;

 

Against all odds I gave up my studies for you;

Gave up my dream, cause you became my dream come true;

But you cheated and left me out of the blue;

I had to pick myself up and my broken heart too;

 

Alone, when I really needed you;

You never cared only played games with my head;

10 years I tried to get you back after you up and left;

Years wasted I can never get back;

 

Today I wonder what was wrong with you;

See how your choices in life made you loose;

Pain you caused me, pain I didn’t deserve, pain I didn’t choose;

I did nothing wrong, I loved you right all along;

 

Questions I ask God;

Why did I ever choose your love;

If He knew you would hurt me someday;

Turn my life upside down when you walked away;

 

Things you did still hurt me today;

I’ve never loved the same;

Never trusted anyone;

Never gave my all ever again;

 

I see you around and notice how guys ran you through;

Now you’re a single mother used;

You could have had this good life I live now everyday my boo;

You never thought I’d stand again after I gave it all up for you;

 

When my own family left me disowned;

But I made it, maybe you should have thout it through;

When I moved up and finally let go of you;

You wanted me back, but I refused;

 

Could never allow you to break me again;

Like you did way back when;

Maybe it was not your fault;

Maybe I was saved from even more pain by God;

 

Things you did in secrect, things I never knew, I’m sure He saw;

Looking at you today, I’m glad He allowed you to break my heart;

Who I loved and who you really are are two worlds apart;

I was blinded by love because I gave my all;

 

I made it without education;

I made it with hard work and pure dedication;

So thank you for leaving me when I had no one else;

I picked up my life all by myself;

 

Cause of the pain you brought I’m doing well;

I made it to Heaven even when you put me through hell;

I contemplated suicide before I was even saved;

Before I knew God, He came and stopped me that day;

 

I never wished you the same pain;

Life has laws, you live by the choices you make;

I begged Him to send you back someday;

I’m so happy He ignored me when I prayed;

 

Even though I pleaded with tears streaming down my face;

He saw my tomorrow, while I only saw my yesterday;

By the looks of things, seems like you paid for your mistakes;

Maybe you got more than your fair share of Karma’s payback;

 

I never wanted it to end up this way;

I wanted to love you forever and marry you one day;

Got your date of birth tattoed on my right arm;

So you will always be a part of me even when I’m gone…

Thugs Are Born

Thugs are born;

Cause fathers were never there and left a young nigga on his own;

Needed love from a dad;

But he dipped, so mamma was the only love we ever had;

 

Turned to the street;

Place where fatherless kids meet;

Thug life family;

Used drugs to subside the pain;

 

Promised never to love again;

Violence on the block never cease;

Wouldn’t be this way if my father loved me;

Forever hated by police;

 

Never understood peace;

Always bringing heat, though I’m innocent, Narcs wanna arrest me;

So I was born to be a thug nigga;

Hard to carry on when nobody loved me;

 

I may have a job and a fly car;

But street life is never far;

So when I’m stressed;

Return to my niggas to undo this mess;

 

Nigga’s always got my back no matter how far I roam;

In times of trouble, just reach for the phone;

Niggas always answer and are ready to roll;

That’s why I love the hood;

 

Showed me the love I wish my father would;

We ain’t killers, just young niggas misunderstood;

Came from a life of abuse;

Trying to live free, Asking “Dad where were you?”

 

But I’m glad I never had a dad;

Taught me to be street smart;

So I could get the best of life when times got hard;

Education is all good;

 

But life happens at the end of school;

So I’m always one up on the rest of you;

When life makes you cry;

I sit back and smile;

 

Cause while you were schooled by books I was by life;

I earned respect everwhere I go;

Niggas as I pass screaming ” Awam Kribo”

So to those who don’t know;

 

Thugs are born and raised by the street;

I never chose this Thug Life;

This Thug Life chose me.

What’s my lesson?

I tend to wear black
Almost everyday
Thing is- I’m in mourning

I lost a little girl.
She was…wait…
She’s was GONNA be all these things,
That I’d now list-
But you already know
Coz’ there’s just something that little girls are always gonna be

This little girl stepped into a world
That would never see her,
Pushed and pressed in untoward directions
Creating a person that shouldn’t be,
But now, well, here she is.

With baggage of her birth
Contamination in each breath
A life-long loving parasite

We’re all never gonna know now,
Who this little girl would be
Look, she became me.

But,
I mourn for her.

Nothing happened here

There you lay
Breathless
Having had your centre knocked
Your body’s urge to grasp air
And remain alive

Deep breaths
It aches
Somethings been hurt
Crawl up
Settle down
In
Out

There’s pain here
Oh there to
Ringing ears
You can’t think
Where do you start

It hurts.
Your body.
Creep of to a locked door
Regain your composure

Your mind knows
Your eyes saw it
Your body felt it
You don’t believe it

Too broken to begin to feel
The repercussion
Of a beating
So severe
You are changed.

Rubble

A thin string of smoke rises to the air on the mountain. Then another and another and another. People are settling in for the long night ahead as the sun says its red goodbyes over the peak. They’re stupid. Letting them know exactly where they are. Making it easy for them. Like killing an ant. Around me, smarter people hide under the trees and next to the rocks as the long grass of the field keep guard. A small river breaks the field into two. It runs with a steady stream of water only interrupted by the occasional floating, rotting island. A year ago people would have cared. They would have tried to get them out, but know it just seems like a task that would waste energy and make too much noise. Rubble and remnants of structures that were once houses line both sides of the street that was once a home. Up closer to the mountain, I know, stand another, collapsed and empty. A creative mailbox would have proudly displayed its number as 831. 831 26th Avenue, Rietfontein, Pretoria. I can still remember my address. Useless, I guess, but it is like a memento of yesterday. Just a piece of it that can’t be stolen or ‘forced-extracted’.

“Why are you standing in the middle of the street,” I hear a voice from behind me say, “Aren’t we going in there?”

I look around to find her standing behind me, a frown settled on her brow and a look pointing past me to a bare, concrete structure. “Maybe it would be better to sleep in the field,” I say, “Safer.”

She doesn’t even take time to think about it. Her brow frowns and her lips pull tight.

“Boetie!”she says, the word still as innocent in her mouth as ever, “You promised we wouldn’t be sleeping in a field again. You know I hate the…”

“The rats and the spiders and the snakes,” I finish for her, “And the crickets and the grass sticking to everything.” I look to her with a grin.

“Well I do,” she says and walk closer to me, “Please can we just sleep in there?”

I know we shouldn’t. The field will hide us from troublemakers and FFE troupes. The structure won’t. I listen for a familiar crackling sound, but none meets with my ears and I let a sigh escape from my lungs. She still stares at me with those big, blue eyes. The same ones my mother used against me to do the dishes.

“Fine,” I finally give in, “but just because it’s your birthday, Anne. Tomorrow we’re sleeping in the field and you’re cuddling the rats, Okay?” She laughs and pushes past me.

“Race you there!”

The structure is cold. A breeze runs around its corners and whistles at the next. No one else occupies the destroyed space and we walk towards a section that still has some of its roof intact. I set our bag down and point Anne towards the floor under the roof. A few tiles still managed to survive their cracked siblings. She does as I instruct and I decide to take a look around before settling in myself. Here and there something different peaks through the normal piles of rubble. A television, its screen broken, lies next to a shopping cart with only two of its wheels left. The television once would have shown his face declaring war against anyone that opposed him or he simply didn’t like. It would have shown those first few months drenched in red and it would have shown the week that the bombs started destroying everything. I walk back to Anne where she sits rummaging through the bag. She looks up as I come closer.

“Where’s the juice box I found?” she asks.

“I gave it to that kid remember,” I say knowing she wouldn’t. I didn’t tell her.

“Not again,” she moans, “You always give our stuff away.”

“We have enough. Bread and water. Those kids don’t even have brothers or sisters like we have. Right?” Her lips tighten again, but I don’t let the frown climb back up her forehead. I tickle her and she falls on her back laughing.

“Shhh,” I say lowering my voice, “We’re making too much noise.” I laugh at her and then help her upright. Then I reach into the bag and pull out two slices of bread and a bottle of water. We sit there, eating in silence as the moon takes over the shift from the sun.

“Boetie,” she says after a few bites, “Do you think Mom and Dad would have been here if I didn’t cry?”

I sigh. She always asks this and I always give her the same answer.

“Mom and Dad died protecting us. They wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.”

“I still remember her smell, you know?”

“I know. Me too,” I breathe in the night air and she mimics me, “It’s getting late. You better sleep. We’re going over the mountain tomorrow.”

She takes the last bit of bread into her mouth and lies her head down on the bag as she chews the last bits.

“Happy birthday, Anne.”

That night as the moon kept rising and the air became colder my eyes shot open at the sound of a familiar crackling.

Ode To The Gale

The nightingale asked

“How Strong is this branch?

If I added some weight would it buckle?”

The tree answered back

“How strong is your faith?

If I added some weight would it crumble?”

Subtle? Yes, but no-one knows this tree is waiting to dance

brandish these feathered scales with these gales in its branch.

Stands alone on its hilltop in an obsidian trance,

subtly it jests ready to let this mantis eat from its plans,

run through this again,

I don’t get where it’s gone, how do I give her a chance?

Fans these pages in the moonlight, soon they tangoed

in a fit of romance,

the tree with the nightingale and his faith in her hands.

Face in the feathers of fire, finally singed,

while the tree drifts away leaving the night to sing.

Ringing on her perch above this spinning globe and longing to be allowed in,

bring with a star in the eye of a child or offer us hope then.

The branch is getting weary, these nightingales already asleep,

amongst all the foliage while the tree is comatose we can hear them argue between…

The nightingale who asked

“How Strong is this branch?

If I added some weight would it buckle?”

And the tree who answered back

“How strong is your faith?

If I added some weight would it crumble?”

Tweet, tweet, sings the gale, pale with a million mouths to feed.

Heed this summer comes to show there’s only one apple between all of these leaves.

Pleads to the hive, how to disguise the withering fruit in its cheeks.

Why oh why wonder to squander your wealth?

Is it really safe to ponder upon the roots of your health?

Tell the sun the moons dying, the sky replies that this morning is made out of ice.

Winter in a wonderland in a land only in this nightingales eyes.

Burning from cold, growing old in this bland state of reprise.

If ashes were to ashes as dust to dust,

you might realise,

the tree and the gale are both us.

Looking in the mirror everyday but never seeing within,

every-time that reflection stares us down we must remember to sing!

I asked myself

“How strong are my branches?

If I added some weight would they buckle?”

My reflection answered back

“How strong is your faith?

If I added some weight would it crumble?”

2014 Commonwealth Short Story Prize

The 2014 Commonwealth Short Story Prize is awarded for the best piece of unpublished short fiction (2000-5000 words). Regional winners will receive £2,500 and the Overall Winner will receive £5,000. Translators will receive additional prize money.

The 2014 Short Story Prize will open for entry on 1 October 2013 and close on 30 November 2013. Entry is via the online application form at www.commonwealthwriters.org. The judges, who reflect the five regions of the Commonwealth, will be announced on 1 October.

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