Archives for June 10, 2013

A song

You’re my kaleidiscope dream
And I was praying that you and me might end up together
Baby, I’ve loved you for a thousand years, and I’ll love you for a thousand more
You’ve got me twisted

Even though my sex is on fire,
and I’d be the best he ever had,
he’s even locking himself outta heaven
And for him, I’d bleed myself dry, and even wear no make up today.
I’d even tell him he’s right when he’s wrong, and show him he’s so much better than he’s knows.

At one point, I was thinking, its us against the world
That only you can get it
And I was gonna cater to you
Oh and how I said I just gotta have you, and all I really want is you
You had me walking on the moon

But all I keep getting is such sweet nothings
And I’m tired of dreaming of you
So right now nobody knows but me, how I’m dying inside.

By the way I tried to say I’d be there.
Let’s not waste anymore time on me, you are still the voice inside my head
But I will not see what I cannot have forever
So its time to fly these pretty wings around

Dear Lord

Dear Lord
A gift for words and questions
I hope You don’t regret,
Because I’m kneeling here and I have many for You

I am grateful, please don’t think I’m not
I know full well that I have a lot
But Lord I must I ask,
Did You not see that I really needed my Mummy?
Lord you know I’m thankful, yes I had her for a bit.
Lord did not see what he was doing to me?
Lord you know I’m humbled, you kept me alive
I still cannot believe….

Lord you’ve been there when I didn’t see
You were always company for me
You held my hand and kept me warm
But I still ask You these things,
These are things I cannot understand, they are only for You.

I have and will doubt things to come
Please don’t think I’m unworthy Lord
You tell me I’m not
For what its worth Lord
Your love is the only thing I’m sure of.

Docile Davey Delaney

“Davey, where did you get that?”

The man rubbed the wine stain profusely. His favourite shirt, completely ruined by overindulgence and assorted silliness. Muttering, he gave up. The stain would have to remain…

“My dad never locks his cabinet. Look at it, Martha…It’s beautiful, isn’t it?”

“David…your shirt’s a mess.” His wife was a neat freak. She had seven arms, no breasts and a monolith in her stomach. That’s how he saw her. “Ja…Ja…It was a silly accident, Jennifer…Nothing to get pissed about,” he hollered towards the kitchen. She never knew when to let something go. “Then you mess it up worse by trying to clean it. Why didn’t you just leave it for me?” He bit down hard on his teeth. “One of these days…” She came into the room. “David, I’m talking to you…”

“Davey, be careful…Please…”

He loaded the red stained, rolled-up carpet in the back of his dirty bakkie. “Have to stop by the carwash first, then go to the supermarket, then I have to get rid of the carpet…Lastly, I have to pick up the girls, can’t forget the girls…”

“Don’t be such a baby…Nothing’s gonna happen!”

He bought himself a tall strawberry-flavoured crushed ice and invoked brain freezes, whilst loading the cart with boxes of custard and yogurt cookies. He waltzed in the isles, attracting stares and sniggers masking secret admiration. Then he found what he was really looking for…He was a gap-tooth kid again, doing whatever he felt like with no fear of the consequences.

“Davey, you always get us into trouble…DAVEY, WATCH OUT!”

His favourite song, “Break my stride”, served as the soundtrack for his journey. CD on loop… The clean bakkie stopped by the side of a road overlooking a steep embankment. He wrestled the heavy carpet from the vehicle with great difficulty. He ensured that the coast was clear, before rolling it over the edge. He stood there, staring entranced as the carpet rolled to the bottom where it joined an army of other lonely junk. He felt free at last, severed from useless responsibilities…

“Martha! Martha! Please, wake up now…Open your eyes, Martha!”

The two girls sprinted towards the bakkie, competitive to the last. “Ja, good one, my girls… Linda took it!!” He laughed uproariously. “But don’t worry, Sandra…my little angel…you’ll get another chance tomorrow…” The girls giggled in stereo. “Is mommy home yet?” He stared off into the distance, suddenly distracted. “No, Sandra…Mommy’s not home yet…”

“Please Martha…Please don’t leave me…” The blood dripped from the walls and pooled on the shaggy carpet, more blood than he had ever seen before…

They arrived home at last. The girls ran into the house. Davey stayed in the bakkie. He turned up the volume on his favourite song, “The king of wishful thinking”… CD on loop…The girls screamed…

“David…Dinner’s ready… I made your favourite… Thanks for buying them those dolls; they’ve been nagging for weeks… ” Jennifer kissed him tenderly. “Ja, I found those dollies on special this morning. There were just two left, how lucky was that, babe?” She smiled. “Very lucky, Davey…” “Ja, I bought the dollies home and put them on their beds. You know, to surprise them…” She ran her hand through his gruff hair. “I’ll be there just now, babe.” His wife was his loving inspiration. She had auburn locks, flawless skin, timeless curves and a new future in her stomach. That’s how he saw her. He had fallen asleep in the dirty bakkie. He gathered himself, shaking cobwebs loose. “Count your daily blessings, Davey…” This refrain looped in his head, as he went inside…

16GB Capacity

I plugged the USB stick into my neck port.
No option to abort.
Less than 16GB to upload.
So little data.
My whole life experience,
zipped into one neat folder for convenience.
This is all I have.

The low-res pictures are of when I was born,
inserting myself into a complicated equation.
I became taller, so that I could stomp the sand.
I (drowned) swam and I (fell) flew.
I build wives and broke them down too.
The hi-res pictures are of how I aged,
like a bitter wine.
Every wrinkle, every line.

The standard definition videos are clipped fragments.
They show me laughing at despair.
The sound of my own voice,
shrill and constantly begging for choice.
I was filmed as I filmed myself,
stacked up upon the highest shelf.
The HD videos are of how I died,
like some dehydrated butterfly.
Every truth, every lie.

Miscellaneous files adorn the rest of the package.
Haphazard mp3.
At the gates and Lionel Richie…
Spreadsheets and presentations,
filled with my wisdom and cruel machinations.
BMP’s of how I painted bloody rosaries.
A reflection of all I represented in crisp binary code.

I didn’t do enough.
Just the bare minimum.
Just within the margins of a glib outline.
Just enough for me and mine.

I wish it was 16TB.

No More Hallelujah

My love for you will never fade
You locked the door; my bed I’ve made
A face in the crowd reminds me: so you
The smile at tilt; the voice that lilt
The auburn hair; the skin so fair
My tender heart skips a beat: Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Your eyes held mine, a magic spell
The pain I felt was a pleasing hell
No one could e’ver compare to you
You touched my face with your hand
The time all round came to a stand
From my soul I moaned: Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Love’s tender touch now in the past
Around I’d see: Nothing e’er last
The things I did could’ve blew’ you
The cars I drove at such high speed
The fast life our friends would lead
We did not understand the Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

I tempted you with a bit of *snow
You didn’t at first want to know
If y’ didn’t know how I’d show you
The surreal dream showed on your face
Everything moved at a faster pace
You shouted my name: Hallelujah!

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

You pulled away then from me
I was begging for you please to see
What this was doing to us; to you
All that mattered was the crave
Your life given over to a rave
You’ve shut me out in this Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Your beauty faded before my eyes
The pain you caused with all your lies
I couldn’t bear to see what we did to you
Your dreams had fallen and paranoid
The reality, now null and void
A syringe, your only Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

On our true love I will always dine
To’ve turned back to another time
To happy times I loved and knew you
For bringing you into this ruin
Sorry! This was all my doin’
For me there will be no more Hallelujah.

NO MORE HALLELUJAH, © 17 January 2013 Suzette Crous

*snow: slang for cocaine

Inspired by the song HALLELUJAH copyright © Leonard Cohen


My whole world is crushed,
I wish I wasn’t here.
I think that they’d be better off
if I could just disappear.
Please forgive me for my sins,
I have lost a part I’ve known
Why does this torment me so…
it was easier when my heart was my own.

I planned to walk out the door…
and leave all my troubles behind.
I would run from my past demons
and pray that me…they wouldn’t find.
I would forget all my built castles;
just leave them there in the sand.
I would forget how much I loved you,
and how hard you tried to understand.

I would pretend that I had the nerve
to do something so vile.
I would believe my heart was a stone
and I could do it with a smile.
I would convince myself to break my vow
and disappear without a trace.
I would show you and the world,
that I could live without your embrace.

But the truth, you see, that I have found
is that I could not be so unkind.
I would spend my life with much regret
of the life I had left behind.
You’re a part of me, and I’m a part of you-
no one could ever take your place.
We need to create our own happiness,
in our own time in space…