Why I Never Begged You Too Stay (20.09.90)

When you told me you was leaving, I didn’t pay your words any mind;

I thought you was just bluffin and you’d be back in a day or two like all the other times you bid our love goodbye;

A week passed without a word and I wondered could you have meant goodbye this time;

A month on and I was in town trying to forget about you, then as if scripted you passed me by;


You looked at me like you did that very first time we met;

A smile, yes one in a millon it’s true, to amazing to forget;

I wanted to reach out and hold you tight and whisper “I’m so sorry” but I walked on by instead;

I smiled while you were watching, but I cried the moment you turned your head;


You thought that I never loved you and it made up your mind that you did the right thing when you up and left;

Your family were happy that I was out of your life and so too were your so called friends;

Truth is I loved you more than any words could say, I don’t care what them m*therf*ckers said;

I knew I had messed up so much and the damage was already done, before you ever said goodbye our love had already hit a dead end;


I don’t think a thing would have changed, you’d just get an ego boost if I stopped to beg, then you’d probably take that long overdue revenge;

I didn’t want that to happen, us breaking up and then getting back together over and over again;

I’ve been there before girl and it left my heart in a mess;

That’s why I hurt you in the first place, I was hurt that way by the girl before you and I ever met;


I didn’t want to go out that way, becoming the “one” you wished you never loved and instead of a memory I become just another regret;

See I heard all them stories and the things you chose too believe, making me out to be a bad man,when I just a man who lacked a little common sense;

But I faced all the pain and all the lies and even your family’s ice cold stares;

I didn’t take the chance to defend myself and tell you the truth about why I couldn’t show you the kind of love you really deserved;


You had already made up your mind and left out love for dead;

Watching me as I picked up the broken pieces you had left;

I cried, Lord knows I cried, You were the motivation behind every tear filled prayer I said;

Tears you never saw, things I never told you, you thought I never felt a thing, but girl I did and still do, it’s been 6 years and I haven’t gotten over you yet;


For that reason I must have been easier to forget;

It wasn’t long after you and I came to an end;

That you and your now husband met;

You;ve been married for a few years now girl, perhaps you finally understan why I chose to walk past you that day instead of trying to beg;


I never did that to hurt you, I did that so you would find it easier to move on and fall in love someday again;

I loved you that much that I thought about your future instead of mine, God knows I’d given anything to rewind the hands of time;

I fought everyday just to survive, I kept on forgetting to forget about you, I knew it would be a long term invesment for your life;

See the girl before you did me in and I refused to do you the same, so I sacrified my own heart to stop the cycle of pain;


I loved you more than I ever showed you, it’s hard to give love if your hearts in pieces, I shouldn’t have did you that way in the first place;

So I decided to do right by you and try and make up for all the mistakes I once made;

I still miss you even though I never called to say;

I knew I had to set you free, sending you messages and calling you would have hurt you more, it was the hardest thing to do, I almost gave in every day;


Just like Jesus knew He had to died for the greater good, I had to do the same;

I always loved you 20.09.90, that will never ever change;

I know when we meet in heaven you look at me from a distance with a huge smile on your face;

As you silently thank me for not begging you to stay.


Lover,Once Best Friend (7.11.84)

Girl it’s the smallest of things that bring me back to yesterday;

It’s not the big memories that make my heart break;

But those things I seemed to forget while you were mine;

They return like a flood within the confides of my lonely mind;


We met girl when we were both looking through childish eyes;

You needed to grow and so did I;

I wish we met today, perhaps we would have made it this time;

I’m a bit wiser, I’m a graduate of this place we call life;


Now perhaps we would fail but I’d sure like to try;

But I know you’ve moved on made a family with a new guy;

It’s hard to admit that you’re still one of the reasons I cry;

Your memory keeps me a hostage in bind;


In clubs spending banks full of cash till late at night;

Brushing five star stunners aside;

I’m sick of pointless one night stands;

When your the owner of this man’s foolish heart, hard to understand;


Even though I don’t understand the reasons why sometimes and it often makes me mad;

When your memory crashes into the sides of my heart like the sea into castles of sand;

I’ve tried to recover from our fall, I’m finally able to stand;

But I’m just a shadow of a man;


Hard to stand and watch another man love what was made just for me;

I put in all the work and he’s got all the benefits of our love story;

Seems so unfair but so goes life I guess so or that’s what I’ve come to see;

I wish for our younger days so what if the world said we ain’t meant to be;


Girl whenever your birthday comes around, I still wish upon a star;

Hoping my wish reaches you wherever you now are;

7.11.84 you stopped loving me a week after you left;

I kept loving you and it still hasn’t come to an end;


I just wish I had one last chance, one more moment in time my friend;

I wish you gave me a reason why we came to a sudden end;

Perhaps I could have changed whatever it was so we could be in love again;

Even though you’re long over me girl, I’m still missing my lover and once best friend.

Lord, I’m Here You Need Not Cry Alone

sat one winters night in June, warming myself up near an old fire place;

I was Meditating on You my Lord and this thought crossed my mind while my heart started to break;

I put myself in Your shoes for a little while and wondered who You turned too when tears fell from Your face;

I thought to myself, I’m sure You think about all those souls that were lost to hells flame;


Without anybody knowing You’d silenty hide Yourself away;

As tears fell from Your beautiful eyes, I wondered to myself to whom did You turn;

You see whenever I’ve cried tears that would slowly burn;

I;ve always had You there to wipe them away and ease my concern;

As I imagined You all alone, while Heaven was filled with joy, happy souls never even knowing that behind Your veil of tangible Glory, You sat crying all alone;


So I lifted up my voice to heaven,  even if I was acting like fool and it wasn’t really that way, Jesus, there’s something I wanted You to know;

My precious Savior, if ever You cry, know I’ll always be there to dry your beautiful eyes;

And If there’s no one that You can call in broken hear-ted times;

You can always call on me, I’ll always be waiting to hold You so tight;


I wonder if anyone thought like I;

That they have someone to turn too when they cry alone at night;

But did it ever once cross anyone of their minds;

That You made us in Your image, so You and I must be alike;


Jesus, please don’t cry alone again;

I’ll be here to help You ease the pain;

If You ever find Yourself within a another cloudy day;

Jesus just know I’ll be ever ready to hold You when tears start to break away;


You don’t need to cry alone anymore;

Like You may have so many times before;

I know in You I have everything, But Jesus You are The King Of All Kings, nobody can be Your Lord;

But I’ll be Your comfort if ever You need, You never have to cry alone again, when Your hearts broken and torn

God Gave You The Key

I remember when I first saw you and how you took my breath away;

I remember how I wondered and planned to make you mine night and day;

You were so beautiful so out of my league, heaven’s reflection was made after God saw your beautiful face;

I remember how nervous I was when I first asked your name;


I remember how I didn’t know how to treat you, how we never even had a first date;

How I made up a lie to push you away;

Since that moment I knew I made a mistake;

But girl the truth is nobody ever took the time to show me how to love a girl the right way;


I was born into a home where I saw my parents fight all the time;

Until my mother left my day and I didn’t even understand why;

I used to visit them on separate weekends living two different lives;

My step dads treated me cold and hard, all I did was cry;


Now that I’m older, independent and wise;

My heart has frozen I’ve learned to keep my feeling hidden inside;

As a man I find it hard to open up to anyone at all;

I guess I still have to recover from all my falls;


But I still remember this angel in disguise;

Never saw such beauty or an angel in real life;

I’m sorry for killing love before it had a chance to grow;

It was all my fault girl I hope this you know;


May I please have my 2nd chance?

To put you at ease I’ll only need half of that;

Tears have been my teacher and I got a masters degree from my past;

I will never hurt you or make you cry, you can put everything on that;


I know since me you been hurt all the way;

You closed your heart and given up on love until your dying day;

But give me the chance to give your heart life again;

Time has opened up my eyes and I regret doing you that way;


I’ve been missing you a lot, I just couldn’t find the courage to say;

I watched silently as another man took my place;

I know I told you the truth just the other day;

Dropping a bomb on you, I should have let us go when I watched you walk away;


But there was something about that angel I saw here that managed to escape;

Heaven has been searching, it just hasn’t been the same;

But God secretly told He gave you the key to heaven’s gate;

He had heard my prayers and He sent you to keep a smile on my face

You’ll Understand One Day

It’s been a long time girl but I still miss you the same;

Time never did it’s job, your memory was never erased;

I still cry whenever I hear our song, the love never left when you walked away;

It just grew as karma took me back and made me relive my every single mistake;


Making me wish I did things diffrently, wondering if I had would you have chose to stay;

I don’t know what it is that makes me feel this way;

There were alot of lovers before you and a few since you slipped away;

So why was loosing you so much harder too take;


With them it took a month or two and I was doing just fine again;

With you it’s been 6 years and I miss you every single day;

I wish I knew the reason my heart refuses kill this lover’s flame;

I’ve tried it all, everything I have has failed;


It’s not like I just sat back and decieded to accept my fate;

It’s not like I chose to still love you when you’re so far away;

Girl I can’t explain love or the rules of the game;

Why I still love a girl who no longer feels the same;


Alot of women makes moves, I simply decline;

Knowing I’d be using them to forget the one that used to be mine;

I don’t want karma to pay me back like it did when you walked out of my life;

The pain is too unbearable to explain, I’d be damned if I pretend to love another knowing it’s just a lie;


I would be a fool to now see but to act blind;

To make the same mistakes for the second time;

You should learn from all mistakes, it’s called “LIFE”;

I’d rather be alone until the day I can say you are no longer consuming my mind;


I don’t know how long it will take, it’s already been such a long time;

I’ve sent plea’s to heaven but all I get back is a busy line;

I stopped begging God and just accepted that you’d be the one reason I still cry;

While my heart is frozen inside;


People keep asking why I write such sad poems, well to me it’s more than words, it’s my everyday life;

I’d rather be real so people can relate than too sell a lie;

How could I understand a struggle of another if I never struggled the same;

I feel the same when I let my pen bleed words onto a blank page;


People are so used to lies, they would spot a fake;

I don’t ever want that label, I’d rather accept people’s constant complaints;

About my sad poems, that would be so much easier to take;

If people can’t understand the words now, like the Bible, you never really understand a verse until you live it and can relate;


Then you understand the power of a living word, my poems are written with the same mind state;

You never really understand why, until that one day;

And your mind takes you back to these words long after I’m in a shallow grave;

You think back and you gained wisdom and wonder why you judged so easy instead of understanding from where I came;

Jesus Thank You For My Life

Through the mountains and the valleys where I would sit and cry;

Jesus I want to take this moment and thank You for my life;

Some dreams have come to pass and some are yet to be realized;

For the desert pastures and those floods that came just in time;


For the moments I never deserved it yet You gave me never ending grace;

When You blessed me and I never took time to give You praise;

Jesus for when You came running whenever I whispered Your name;

And held me in Your arms when my heart was about to break;


Jesus thank You for the good and bad times in my life;

For the struggles You allowed that forced tears from my eyes;

The lessons You taught me and I never understood the reasons why;

That molded me into this man when I was but a child;


For the moments You held my hand when I thought I had lost my way;

When You spoke life into my spirit when I thought I was going to go insane;

And how whenever I thought to give up and just fail;

How I was reminded of Your nails;


I held on like You did, Jesus thank You for my life;

For all the transition periods where nothing seemed to go right;

Where You were setting the stage in secret so I could win every fight;

Jesus I just had to thank You for my life

Still Believe

This morning when I opened up my eyes;

That old lonesome feeling seemed to take my heart by surprise;

There you were again heavy on my mind;

I struggled to hold back the tears from falling from my eyes;


I wanted to call you up and tell you how I felt inside;

I called and like so many times before that I’ve tried;

It just rang and rang until I dropped the line;

You sent me a message asking me what’s wrong;


I told you that my feelings for you were still as strong;You asked me to let it go, you’re married and you’ve moved on;

I wish I could say I’ve been able to do the same;

6 years have passed and I’ve failed;


I miss you still and I think that this feeling will never go away;

I’m sure it would have by now but it still resides within me;

I wish you still felt the same way, I wish I was still the one you were missing;

I wish I could show you how I feel;


Time as they said would help me heal;

It only opened up my eyes to the pain so real;

Knowing I’m the reason you wanted to leave;

If I could do it over girl I’d give everything and anything;


I know he has your body but your heart is still here with me;

I know I can’t be feeling this alone, I know you still love me somewhere deep within;

Even if this ain’t true, girl I still believe;

Just wanted to tell you I still miss you, I wanted you to know just how I feel

Maybe, Just Maybe (20.09.90)

Maybe I should have made more time for you than I did;

Maybe I should have tried instead of wanting to up and quit;

Things I can’t change are the most expensive assets,only thing my large bank balance can’t afford to buy;

If it could I’d rewind time to that very first day and love you right;


Perhaps you should have been my priority and not my heart’s crutch;

Maybe I should have shown you I love you so damn much;

Maybe I should have said I was damaged goods way before we met;

I hid the truth, my plan was loving you but I ended up hurting you instead;


Nights without you have gone from days to years and you’re that one girl my heart refuses to forget;

As I lay to sleep, mistakes I made replay over and over in my regretful head;

What hurts is I did so much to hurt you that a 360 degree turn is an impossible goal to achieve;

I have everything I want, but not the one thing I really need;


I’ve always wondered how could you be depressed as a celebrity;

Now I understand, some things can’t be bought by any amount of money;

Priceless moments that I took for granted when it was free;

Perfect love I earned at no cost but I was too blind too see;


I was searching for an angel when she was always next too me;

What does is benefit a man to become a King if he hasn’t got a Queen;

Then he is just a powerful man with a crown for everyone too see;

It took a while to wake up girl but now these things are so obvious to me;


I know you’re gone for good and we will never be;

You found a new man and evicted me from your heart’s space;

You were the reason for that crooked smile on my face;

Now I find it hard just to make it through each day;


I want to call you up like so many times before;

But you told me to stop it cause you’ve closed the door;

I’m trying to be the man you’ve always wished for;

Respecting your wishes even if it hurts me to my core;


Karma made me pay for crimes against your innocent heart;

I paid the ultimate cost for our past;

Sometimes I wonder if Karma forgot to stop cause it’s f*cking hard;

Making me remember days with you, making me want to go back knowing that I can’t


Having a palace and the world at my feet;

It’s every man’s dream you’d think;

But without you this don’t mean a thing;

I’d rather have you back and have nothing;


I know I could work and get back everything;

But how do I get you back knowing I’m the reason for you leaving;

I’ve striven all my life trying to get where I am, hurting you while trying to achieve;


Now that I have it all, I see you were all I ever needed to make me happy

Never Understood The Cost Of Love Lost

That old lonesome feeling takes my heart by surprise;

Whenever I open up my eyes;

I have grown afraid to sleep, so I tend to stay up late most nights;

This sudden change has my Mamma concerned, she keeps wondering why;


But how do I explain something I find hard to understand;

That I’ve got the heart of a little lost boy within the body of a grown man;

Sometimes it frustrates me but what can I do;

It hurts but I have no choice but to push on through;


Perhaps I missed something and my name is still on Karma’s list to do;

I’ve told her I’m sorry, I tried to explain why, she slammed the phone down in my ear, so what’s the use;

I’ve called heavens hot line and never seem to get through;

When I ask others for advice on what to do;


They all say to move on and find someone new;

As if I never thought of that, as if I never knew;

There’s nothing I haven’t tried, I’d rip out my heart if I could;

I don’t enjoy missing someone who no longer feels the same;


I don’t want to cry about someone who’s mind I never cross of late;

That has forgotten the things that still haunt my heart like a ghost night and day;

It’s simple to say move on, but doing it isn’t as easy as they claim;

They said Jesus is the answer, I took the step and now I’m saved;


The same problems remain, I’m just considered a tainted saint;

Living in a sinful life but covered by grace;

As if I took out an insurance policy as a slave;

I’m not saying getting saved was a mistake;


I’m saying my intentions were wrong so the result was the same;

If I gave my all to God but not my heart, how could I expect a change?;

I’m not trying to bring down the tone of love in anyway;

I’m just being real, this is how I live in my every day;


Behind a painted smile on a tear stained face;

Only those who know me well can see my pain;

The rest think I’m living the dream life, wishing they could exchange;

Their lives with mine, if only they knew, they’d think it over again;


Love wasn’t the problem, I made the mistakes;

If I had made them knowing the consequences I’d be okay;

But I never had a clue on what the cost of lost love would be one day;

Until it hit me when she walked away;

2nd Chance

Lord tell me can’t I go back to times gone by;

See I miss my days as a child;

I was always told to enjoy them but nobody ever told me why;

So I just wished to be a man in this place called life;


I’ve been a man for quite a while;

It’s harder than I ever thought and it snatched away my smile;

Daily it leaves tears in my eyes;

And serves as a reminder of how I miss my days as an innocent child;


Lord tell me is there no way for me to turn back the hands of time;

I don’t want to be this man I always wanted to be anymore;

I’m wiser now, can you take me back to times before;

That I took for granted, Lord I didn’t have a clue, I didn’t know;


That life would snatch the life from my soul;

Why can’t we be born and live life as an adult and end up as a child;

Why did I take for granted the best times;

Now I wish to relive them again with a renewed mind;


How I’d do things so much different if I had the chance;

I’d never even break a single heart;

I’d make count every day as if it were my last;

Lord tell me is there no way You can send me back;


I’d trade what I have right now for a second chance;

I’m in the present but my heart misses the past;

Lord tell me why I can’t go back;


I wish I never wished to be a grown up man