Reflecting on mistakes I’ve made in my mind;

Looking out my window asking God if I could rewind time;

So I could relive my childhood days before they faded away;

And enjoy the time I took for granted in my younger days;

 

Before stress was a part of my every day;

And before death was a wish sent on a prayer addressed to Heavens gates;

If I knew life would be this hard;

I’d have thought twice before making mistakes;

 

I got all I want but nothing that I need;

I am a man who was destined to fail but managed to succeed;

I have experienced the luxuries most beg to have;

And lived the life most wish they had;

 

But money and fame don’t fulfil a heart’s empty space;

Love damaged me and now I’m a man full of doubt come what may;

Begging the Lord for change, on my knees at night as I pray;

Tears stains burnt into my face;

 

My mother looks at me in hopes that I’d change;

But it’s clear I’ll always be the same

 

Lately I have death on my mind;

Wondering if the next name God will call is mine;

If so I’m in trouble, my life’s full of sin and I’m scared of that judgement line;

People claim I’m saved so I’ll be just fine;

 

But they don’t know that I’ve lived my life as a thug and I will until the end of time;

It’s too late to change now, I know cause I’ve tried;

Things I thought I shook still haunt me like every night;

To be honest, I’m sick of this endless fight;

 

If I knew being saved was this hard, nigga I’d have thought twice;

It ain’t about not loving God or any disrespect;

It’s about being real and being sick of all this shit;

Troubles haunt me as if I was fame;

 

At night lay awake, trying to subside my mind while I’m going insane;

Sipping Hennessy in hopes to subdue this pain;

I could lie;

And say I’m all good and life’s just fine;

 

But I’d only be fooling myself in the end;

Scars of the past are still real even If I pretend;

My broken heart’s still in pieces even If it seems like it’s whole;

My smile hides the darkness that consumes my soul;

 

I play life like a poker game, I bluff as if I’m about to win, when my hand is destined to fold;

I can’t see where I’m going cause today seems so dark;

I can’t look back to where I’ve come from because it’s littered with scars;

I don’t know how I even made it this far;

 

People think my life’s all good and I’m just ungrateful every day;

What they would give to enjoy the essence of fame;

Nigga I’d trade it for peace of mind any day;

If you knew the truth;

You see that fame is a curse;

 

If I could I’d trade it to go back to my birth;

With the wisdom I have now, just so I could undo all this undeserved hurt….

You said the words “I Love You”, when you knew it wasn’t true;

You said you would come see me sometime girl, but you never do;

I tried to play it off, as if I misunderstood;

See, my past has taught me never to assume;

But actions never lie, I made you my queen girl, but you made me your fool;

 

Looking back girl I wish I knew;

That you’d be playing with my heart while I was loving you;

I can’t see into the future, so these scars are lessons learnt along the way;

I could say life is unfair, but these are just the choices I’ve made;

 

Life is not like those fairy tale stories, you can’t undo past mistakes;

All you can do is learn along the way;

I could say I wish we never met or that I never approached you that day;

But I’ll still remain in the same place, nothing would change;

 

So instead I thank God I did, even If it sounds strange;

Hear me out, give me a moment to explain;

Because of girls like you, I’m wiser than I was yesterday,

No girl would ever get another chance to run that same game;

 

Will that erase the pain you caused, never days;

But I’ll be wiser when another bitch slides my way;

I’ll see them same signs and when she greets I’ll just lift my middle finger, turn around and walk away;

Sounds cold, but as God as my witness I refuse to be hurt again.

 

My bad girl I admit you got the best of me;

Your shady ways had my mind decieved;

But I ain’t really concerned;

I learnt through the bridges you burnt;

 

Your ways will backfire on your shady ass one day;

Karma will take revenge for the tears you burned upon my face;

You’ll look back and regret it someday;

Lies you fed me and I gave you the benifit of the doubt;

 

Believed them throughout;

I’m to blame I have the tendancy to fall for them bad girls;

Guess I am the reason I’m hurt;

It’s always been the case;

 

You weren’t the first bitch that did me this way;

And you probably won’t be the last;

Because of girls like you I’m wiser cause of my past;

So girl, I ain’t mad;

 

Life’s a gamble, you gots to loose sometimes to become a better man;

My wife I’m sure will thank you one day for breaking my heart;

I’ve learnt what it feels like to be torn apart;

I’ll never do the same to another girl again;

 

You never understand another’s struggled until you’ve endured the same pain;

So in hindsight I’m glad you did me that way;

Your pain inspired me to write these words and they propelled me into fame;

I just pray you never come my way again;

 

I can’t promise I won’t also run game;

And pretend to love you when I don’t feel the same;

That’s how you once did me;

I’m saved, yes, but I still have the nature of a human bieng;

 

I know I shouldn’t take revenge because of my yesterday;

But fuck that, one day God will judge me and then I’ll pay;

Now I admit I ain’t filled with hate;

Just regret for the fool of me you made;

 

I’m real and I will take my revenge if Karma allows me that fortune one day;

You’re an A Grade ho, that’s all I am going to say;

I feel sorry for the next fool who comes your way;

I’d warn him but you’re too fast, it’ll be too late;

 

He’d think I’m just after you again;

But in the pain you left me, I found the way to stage of fame;

I endured all this undeserved pain;

One day you’ll recall our yesterdays;

 

And wonder why you hurt the answer God sent to you all those lonely nights with tears you prayed;

But know this girl, I’ll never come back your way again;

Pain made me wise, my heart will never allow you to run the same game;

Before you ever call me, know if you do it’s too late and to you  I will do the same….

 

Girl I gots you on my mind;

Dreamt of you again last night;

Us bieng a part, yes it’s been for quite a while;

But this morning I woke up with that naughty smile of mine;

 

The one that was wiped away when you left my side;

For all you did to me girl, know this truth;

I’m not mad at you;

True love, I’ve learnt keeps no record of wrong;

 

I’ve felt this way ever since you’ve been gone;

My feelings never changed, they are just as strong;

Time could never erase what we had;

Love is not an emotion but a choice to endure through times of good and bad;

 

It’s not that I’m still stuck on us;

I’m just an honest man, like I always was;

I’ve made mistakes that cannot be undone;It’s the consequences of bieng unexperienced in love and bieng young;

 

If I had the power to go back in time, without a second thought girl I would;

Just to have another chance to love you;

But no matter how I pray, it’s just something I don’t have the power to do;

My heart still cries a river that leads to you;

 

Life has changed and you’re no longer here;

And loosing you was always my biggest fear;

You are and will always be that one that got away;

God knows If I could;

 

I’d erase the me that you once knew;

So we could meet again and we could start brand new;

But these are only wishes of mine that will never come true;

And my biggest wish is just to love that girl I once knew, that girl is you

Alone in my room listening to Mario Vasquez – “Gallery”;

Girl, everytime I hear that song it takes me back in memory;

2007, when you made the choice to love me;

When my heart was stuck on someone else and I pretended to feel the same as you;

 

Now I see how foolish I was as I count back the years;

Oh how I wish I had this wisdom back then so I could reverse all your tears;

But I was too young and failed to see;

You were all I ever needed, my disguised blessing;

 

I pray God gives you my mind for just a little while;

So you can see that these words are from my heart and not just another lie;

That I really do love you and your heart sees the truth before my demise;

Damn, my heart fell when you found someone new and then got married;

 

I wish I could go back and show you, i’m so sorry;

All I need God to do, is take me back to the day I first met you;

With the things I know today;

Cause If He did I’d appreciate you and never let your love slip away;

 

Aish and looking back, girl nobody ever loved me as much as you;

But I played the game but I forgot the rules;

I paid the price and the ultimate price was loosing you;

Time has moved on but I’ve never loved the same;

 

I keep wishing I could reverse the days;

As every moment I hurt you like a broken record replays;

But you showed me what true love was;

And now I know what too look out for;

 

Even if I’m still looking out for you;

When my heart, soul and mind knows, never again will I ever get the chance to love another you;

Yet every year I ask God to give me the same birthday present;

“I want another chance with her Lord, Why was I so blind” Amen as I send my prayer request;

 

And even if I hate on you and act cold, girl know I’m full of pride and I just pretend;

I only relaised I loved you the day you told me our love has come to an end;

I fight with you today, cause I love you too much and can’t just be just another friend;

Truth is, If God said I could have anything in this world, my only wish would be to have one more chance to love that angel He named “Kirsten”

Last year Christmas, how could I forget, girl you were still mine;

A year has gone by and you’re still heavy on my mind;

Cloudy days since have stolen my sunshine;

Ever since I haven’t been able to wear a smile;

 

Do I ever invade your dreams sometimes;

I wake up often with tears in my eyes;

Wishing my dreams were real,cause babygirl I want to love you just one more time;

So I lay my heart under your Christmas tree;

 

Hoping that the next gift you open is me;

You haven’t called me since that cold January day;

The realization sets in that you’ve never felt the same;

Asking myself if you never loved me then why did you pretend?;

Why lead me on when you knew love had already come to an end;

I miss taking you out and spoiling you, just to see that beautiful smile;

I won’t lie I miss your kiss from time to time;

And I know I should be over you by now;

 

But life isn’t fair or so I’ve found out;

My heart misses you and this silence in my room at night is so loud;

I miss the one that got away;

And girl that one just happens to bear your name

 

Even though I’ve relocated I’m still A “G”;

I’m all for my Evander thugs even though now my numberplate is laced with “GP”;

I love my hood, from every block to every street;

You are part of my family, Nigga’s I was raised in “MP”;

 

I stay real and remain true, always staying down for all my niggas stuck in the hood;

For those who know me, you know I only spit the truth;

Money and fame never changed me, I had money even before the world ever noticed me;

So this one is for “Evander”, my love, my hood;

 

If you thought, you thought wrong, I could never forget about you;

“Legends”, “Bafana” Taverns shout out to you, you are like family;

“Dan’s” and “Monica’s” thank you for fighting the law and being shebeen’s;

All of you are like my bloodline, forever a part of me;

 

I had a cold family home, so I turned to the streets, you’ll are the reason my childhood years are filled with the best memories;

To “Veli” & “Johnson”, even though we had beef, when shit went south me alone in the streets, you’ll stood up for me;

So I lift my glass out of love and respect, even if you’ll reloacted to the cemetry;

 

So from “Tinki-Tonki” pre-primary;

That’s where I started so my first love is for you;

From “TP Stratten” to “Evander Highschool”;

The most respect and love goes out to you;

 

“Evander High”, you are the reason I’m made;

Because of you, my name is associated with fame;

Many hated, most assumed I’d fail because of the thug nigga I was back then;

So to those haters who doubted, success is the best form of revenge;

 

Yeah I was labelled, crazy and different;

But one day you’ll look back and thank God for my ass, I’m your voice, I’ll make the world listen;

To the students coming up that I never got to meet face to face;

Take it from me, study hard, without education the world is cold and hard everyday;

 

Be cool at school but don’t forget your mind;

When you’re alone at home study all the time;

To all the teachers I gave so much grief;

I had a young and reckless mind, never knew about life, thought you were hating;

 

But now I realise you only wanted the best for me;

I finally found my purpose, so know your teachings were never in vain, they helped me succeed;

For all my ways and those stressful days, I’m sorry;

If you think I ran away or forgot about you,let me explain so you know the deal;

 

Dear enemies of mine, who’s first, oh yes that bitch nigga named “Mondli”;

I never forgot about your ass, I was just waiting for the perfect opportunity;

Remember that day at the pool shop in “Evander”, with my 9mm, I could have smoked you;

You can thank God I was stopped by my late nigga “Dru”;

 

They say never start a war until you got your money behind you;

I got’s mine bitch nigga, I hope you do too;

Most motherfuckers there fear you;

But I’m just wise, I laid low, I never give up, ask anyone from my hood;

 

I was a Thug nigga running the streets even before you were born;

“Mondli”, I’m coming for your ass nigga, watch your back, bitch nigga you’ve been warned;

So fuck you and fuck peace, best you get your crew ready, like a nigga’s last breath I’ma make you fade away;

To all the nigga’s I’ve lost along the way;

 

Who taught me the rules of the game;

I sip Hennessy and pour a 5th out to send my respect to Heaven’s gates;

You niggas are the reason I’m finally made;

To my Lil’ Homies, “Vanzo” & “Shado” just to name a few;

 

If ever you’re in danger or in need, never hesistate to call cause I was and will always be down for you;

Our future is in the youth, my young nigga’s that’s why I’ll ride and die for all of you;

My advice is always keep in mind, life’s a game, learn the rules;

In your mind you win every fight so there’s no need to grab a gat and shoot;

 

Trust me, nigga’s I’ve been to the pen and jail ain’t for you;

Never show fear no matter what shit you go through;

People know my name on those hood streets;

I didn’t just leave a memory, ask them about “Kribo”, niggas I left a legacy;

 

Always keep in mind niggas are gonna hate you no matter what you do;

So fuck people, you are only young once, always keep it real and remain true;

The only person you need to impress is God, fuck all them other people around you;

“Evander”, my hood, ride till I die, I moved up but I could never forget about you;

 

I may change, fame might chase my name, but I’ll always remain the same;

You were my first love and until I die that will always be the case;

So to all my “Evander” niggas, this one is for all of you;

Before fame, you were my first love, and I’ll never forget about my original hood.

You are the reason I smile;

You are never too far to hear me cry;

You are my protector so battles I never need to fight;

When darkness creeps in, You are my shining light;

 

You catch my every tear as I cry at night;

You consider them more precious than diamonds that shine twice as bright;

I still fail to understand why I mean so much to Thee;

When all I seem to do is hurt You selfishly;

 

Why would a King leave His throne just to come and rescue someone like me;

I always thought I chose You, when in truth You had me on Your mind that day You died at Calvery;

How everyday You still surprise me with the smallest of things;

You show me love when I don’t deserve a thing;

 

When I have no where to turn, when I am about to loose all hope, there You are;

A crack need only begin to damage my heart and You hear from a far;

Where would I be without You;

That’s why I’m so thankful I’m part of Your chosen few;

 

It blows my mind to think somone cared about a nothing like me;

Someone who gave up their life so eagerly;

Someone who didn’t need too but chose too;

No words could express the depth of love I feel for You;

 

But this You already know;

For this my heart is forever bound to You like two ex-lovers who just can’t seem to let go;

I love You Jesus , I just thought I’d let You know

Ever since the day we first met I just haven’t been the same;

I fell in love with You because You allowed room for change;

And even if my life’s story is based on mistakes;

Getting saved was the best decision I’ve ever made;

 

It’s not about the start, but it’s about the finish that matters in any race;

Where the world writes me off You give me never ending mercy and grace;

Before I fall You run to my aid;

Without a second thought You part the clouds and never once do You hesitate;

 

The smallest things You do puts the biggest smile on my face;

I’m still trying to change my ways;

Anyone else would have given up on me and thrown me away;

But there You are still changing me stage by stage;

 

I’m a sinful man and refuse to shift the blame;

My sins are the reason You left Your throne and came;

Your depth is far to hard to explain;

Troubles fade just at the mention of Your Name;

 

To see your smile through the sun upon Your face;

Is the reason You’re so easy to praise;

Not a thing I’ve been through would I ever want to change;

So thank You for all the tears, lonely nights and pain;

 

That is the reason You’re so easy to praise.