Pink elephant’s and little white kitten’s fill my head with joy,
I feel like a little girl playing with her favorite toy.
Up and down the jungle gym and round and round the merry-go-round,
It feels like my heart is going to burst because for these few second’s
I own all the joy and happiness in this great big universe,
But what goes up must come down, like little fairies, the Virgin Mary
and the feeling of being ‘Oh so sublime’
It’s coming from inside, it’s eating me alive.
Read me a story so I can go to bed about the little princess who wishes she was dead.
Dead like you, dead like me, dead like all the people her blood shot eyes can see.
Big green eyes, long blonde hair, bloody wrists and a black stone heart,
‘To my dearest child’ it read, ‘I fear it’s time to part. With bloody hands, the world is your canvas. Let them see your blood, let them see your soul, let them see the gaping hole I’ve left inside your heart.’
Archives for March 2013
Mary Jayne’s Blood
I am suppressed
I am suppressed by my imperfections
Those flaws which become the guarded walls of my existence
My faults that become the definition of my character.
The unspoken truths of my heart
I am suppressed by the expectations of my forefathers
The ladder set before me which I cannot climb
I am suppressed by my failures.
Opportunities missed
Unforgiving foes
Lack of judgement in my hour of youth.
I am suppressed by those moments
Moments of inability to dispel the serpent of sins
Moments where my eye of the future was blind.
All these things
All these faults and moments of shame
Remain mine
Remain written in the stop of my life.
These moments will forever haunt me
Will forever stay the shadow of my nights
Will forever suppress me…
Oh Yes I Am a Killer – And I Like It
Yes I have killed and you can’t blame me
I killed an ant that terrorised me
It ate my hard-fought food
And that fuelled the feud
It fed on my children’s stuff
And I beat it with my staff
Yes I killed and I’m proud of it
Ants killed me emotionally
They made me a killer myself
It’s true I have killed
And it’s not the first time
First, it was a big cockroach
I killed it alone unassisted and then it was a fly
I took my sharp hatchet and killed it instantly without a lie
The police saw everything – but they are my friends
I am a killer and I am happy with the title dear friends
I will continue killing them
I will shoot them with my sling
And kick those who follow me
And I will always enjoy killing them
I don’t care what the seemingly sane people say
I simply do what I like
I kill the ones I don’t like
Oh yeah, I admit, I am a proud killer
I don’t mind going to gaol
As long as I have accomplished my goal
It’s nice killing these folks
And they are my worse foes
Let everybody help me kill them
Killing has never been so nice
Only death will stop me from killing them
They break into my house
And they messed up all my kwaito and house music files
And now I will move up the ladder
I will have to finish all the mice
I don’t need a cat to do that
And catching them will be very nice
I can do it with my bare clean hands
These bastards – damn it – they make me angry and hungry!
Empress Woman
Left to right, wide hips swaying.
Sun kissed skin, glowing under the sun.
Beads of sweat between her breasts,
a feminine brow to soften her face. What a sight…at first glance, then you take another look, and another, and another…see?
She crushes thornes with every step,
her feet hard, from the days strife.
A harsh, yet soft sight.
Big beautiful brown eyes, should never have been witness, to so much ugliness & yet they too still have a glow about them.
In every stride she grows & learns, still to discover the empty throne that awaits her.
When she finds inside her that natural light, she’ll know to respond when her real name is called.
Child, don’t be afraid to take your place. Own it for when you are addressed by that name, you would have earned it.
So dance still, sway those hips lightly to this beat called life…embrace who you realy are.
Half truths will starve your soul, learn to point out the real from the fake.
Remember you are born of Women who made real, warm homes out of nothing. Your strength is unmeasured. Best be sure it will be tested still, rise above it, there’s still work to be done. Don’t forget child…
Your throne awaits you, take your place- Empress Woman.
Time Keeper
Pretty please Mr Timekeeper, lend me your glass eye…
I’ll stand patiently like a stalker and watch from the window thru the cold nights. I swear to you, I wont make a sound.
I wont go through her house trying to catch a whiff or her scent. Nor will I go into her sleeping childrens room, searching for my features in their faces.
I’ll fight the urge, to climb through the window, the urge to touch or speak to her.
Dont stand there with that grin on your face! I only wish to know what you know! Tales told of the the time keepers gift, make my heart heavy with envy. You look into the future, the past and present. Do you even know the value of ‘certainty’ when it’s as good as the piece of carpet on your doorstep?
So please mr! Lemme sneak a peak at whats to come for me?
I’ll be good, I’ll only watch her…
Pehaps knowing what lies ahead, would make all my present experiences worthwhile.
Butterflies
I have that uneasy feeling, butterflies in my belly, they must have been smoking sumthing cos they moving around real eratic and ish. I feel like everything around me is abt to crumble!
Crash! Boom! Woooooosh! Wooosh! Wooosh! The backlash!
Einaaaaaa!!!!
Windows rattling, they explode! under the intense sound of my heartbeat. Shattered pieces of glass, I walk on them across the floor, draging my soles, my soul.
My big eyes watch, the walls crack, the ceiling crumbles I stand there watching.
They scream! Get out! Get out of there! Its gonna kill you! I hear them but my heartbeat too loud to listen to them.
Aaaaaaaarh these voices in my head! These sisters that guide me daily still remain! Get out! Get out! Get out! They chant to the drumming of my heart. Get out! Get out! Get it out child!
I cannot ignore…their words echo in my ears! Past the falling door frames, shattered picture frames, the curtains caught fire, everything is falling apart! I knew it was! I take heed of the voices… OUT OF THERE!
Standing OUTSIDE of there, OUTSIDE of me, I watch as the house burns. The grass between my toes feels so alive, so young, so sharp! so new! Renewed! Anew! Me!
I am not afraid to build. I have never been afraid to build. So let the walls tumble and fall, lets the gates crumble to the ground, bring on the floods! Brim stone! The works….
After all is said and done, I will build again and put to sleep the buterflies in my belly.
Silent like the drum
Forbidden looks across shallow waters,
unheard words, spoken out loud bring
silence like a drum. Boom! Boom! Boom! The
crowd goes silent.
Hard feet crushing anthills at dusk, and the
sound of day break, she goes to him, to them.
Strong and firm like the mighty oak tree, on
his branches she finds shelter. She can
breathe.
Forbidden looks across shallow waters,
unheard words, spoken out loud bring
silence like a drum. Boom! Boom! Boom! The
crowd goes silent.
Soil soaked after the rain, like her face gets
sometimes. Doors kicked down from the
outside to let her get a glimpse of Mam’
Shabangu’s rose bushes.
Even amongst all the thornes, beauty remains.
She recalls the pain when she pricked her
finger once. Beauty can make u bleed too. She
laughed at herself.
Forbidden looks across shallow waters,
unheard words, spoken out loud bring
silence like a drum. Boom! Boom! Boom! The
crowd goes silent. She goes silent.
Looks across the waters soften, the waters
soften, the scabs soften, her grasp on the
branches soften. She’s feels she is what she
is. She’s beautiful within her thornes.
She stops
Imprisoned by love
You are all of nature’s beauty in one face
You have a smile that no one can ever erase
You stole my soul
And made me whole
You own me completely
Make me do everything so weakly-
Because I became your slave
The day you saved me from all my self-destructive ways
You want everything to be demystified:
Just me, my naked soul
You hold me in the palms of your hands
Your every wish is my command
Without you to guide the way
I will stray,
So with you forever I will stay
All is All
Almighty unified.
Almighty glory.
Almighty merciful.
Almighty peace.
All heavenly father.
All that is one.
All that is distant but connected.
All that holds all the knowledge.
All that holds time.
All that knows the bounds of space.
All that creates.
All that destroys.
All that is All.
Your love is All.
The All that I need.
Dear Society
Write a letter to Misconception
Telling her softly that we understand
Tell her we knew the struggle of acceptance
Made for the sabotage created
By an innocent hand
Send a note to those caught in the conflict
Soothing their hearts with the knowledge of
This not being part of the plan
Segregated from hope
From love –
Society’s misfit was banned
They planted seeds of happiness
– Sacred deeds involving ovaries –
Fertilizing the blackness
All for reasons beyond their time
Which hide in their ignorance to
Justify the madness
In actions unaccounted for
Chemical imbalances promote
Carnal desires to explore
Their naïve need for more
Juvenile passion excuses the
Sensibility to be sure
– Now her belly grows –
Along with the misery
Guilt denies the truth that beats beneath
– Her bible tells her no –
But still she’s tempted by the thief
With the wire hanger who gives hope of
Reversing her bastard tragedy
– Then society would call her a hoe –
To be mummified by the stereotypes while
The absent father’s slate remained clean
And so with the rage
Morning sickness and unadulterated shame
purity
poisoned
produced
percolated
pain
Simmering on her soul’s stove-plate
Her mind now concocts ideas of revenge
Dangling her feet of the cliff of vengeance
A bruised heart speaks a pledge while
Dumping the newborn baby
On [his] family’s doorstep
But the booze and fear made her forget
Such a turn of unfortunate events and
She finds herself now pleading in court saying,
“Yes your honour, I was forced onto the bed…â€
And the man she met was condemned
She fled
Write a letter to Insecurity
Telling him softly that we understand
Tell him we knew the struggle of responsibility
Made for the absence created
By an innocent man
Send a note to those caught in the conflict
Soothing their hearts with the knowledge of
This not being part of the plan
Segregated from hope
From redemption –
Society’s misfit was banned
An adolescent youngster
Basking in peer-pressured achievements but
Fear decayed his actions when he asked her
Am I [a] baby’s father?
The truth behind her lie
Would strip him of the former –
Glory – lost in the hangover
And the unwise cold shoulder he gave
When she phoned he and he ignored her
Am I [that] baby’s father?
Confusion covered coherency
His brain registers a future dead to peace
Failed attempts to run to false freedom
To save the remnants of his minority
And thus this
His perceived execution
Hope found dead in responses lacking reason
Making for failed retribution
Social hot topics leaving a mind polluted with
Perspectives for the cowardly and
It would be years before he knew this
He whispered curses directed at his seed
For all that he could have been amounted and
Translated into the shrill of
A baby born to infidelity
Write a letter to Consequences
Telling them softly that we understand
Tell them we knew the struggle for wisdom
Made for the errors created
Through spontaneous hands
Send a note to those caught in the conflict
Soothing their hearts with the knowledge of
This not being part of the plan
Segregated from compassion
From tolerance –
Society’s misfits were banned
Shunned by the masses in remorseful exhales
Misconception lost all she hoped to keep
Since her dignity was retailed
Now she
Figurehead for the female fueled by
Philosophical details which
Dictated her situation to be a fail
For Misconception became a video vixen
A broken mentality’s product and
The money was meant to fix it
Tomorrow just an illusion
That leaves present reality twisted –
She snorts two lines and chuckles;
Thinking of love and how she missed it
Boxed inside the contents of
Decisions rather left unopened
She fell to her –
doom
Ignorantly as she mingles with the tokens of
Rejection and misinterpreted pain
– Blindsided rage –
She cursed God
Man
And [a] baby for becoming this way
And this all started back in a nightclub with a
“Hey… my name isâ€
