Archives for September 2013

Calls to you were always ignored;

Tears rolling down my cheek hit the floor;

If I gave my all;

Why did you stand and watch me fall;

Gave you the best of me;

But you were never pleased;

Ever ready to up and leave;

I even put you above my family;

Treated you like a queen from the start;

But you never let me near your heart;

Never let down your gaurd;

Made everyday with you so hard;

Never really understood;

Why I was never good;

Kisses were always cold;

Always felt forced when your hand I tried to hold;

Avoided me around your freinds and fam;

Pretended like I was never your man;

Wondering why, could never understand;

If you loved me why was I left feeling abandoned;

Your smile always confused;

Never showing the real you;

Made me believe you felt the way I do;

After a while I discovered out the truth;

You never loved me, I was bieng used;

You were in love with someone new;

I was raised right so I stayed true;

Pretended to be blind so I never hurt you;

But what hurt the most;

Everyone knew that you kept close;

I was the fool;

Yeah I was the last one to know…..

Born to fail but I still made it;
Even though parents separated;
Broken home;
Too young to know why everyday alone;

Always wondering why mama was gone;
Thought it was my fault all along;
Daddy never cared, coward was never there;
Constant beatings was the only love he ever shared;

Still loved him through all my despair;
Grew older;
Heart turned colder;
Turned to the streets;

Become a hood soldier;
Hung out with the thugs;
Even though they sold drugs;
They showed a young nigga love;

So I became street smart;
Endless fights made me brave at heart;
Nobody knows its hard when no one loves you, hard to carry on;

Had so many step daddy’s;
All hated me;
Bringing constant heat, at night pain made it hard to sleep;
All while life was going on without me;

Made me hard;
Soulless eyes, soul became dark;
Hardly at home, found more love on my block;

Born white don’t mean life was easy;
Life ain’t racist colour don’t stop life from being sleazy;
Never knew love then I met her;
Gave her my whole heart, before I never knew doubt tears or hurt;

Till she did me in left me cold, my soul burnt;
Still hurt today by every cold lesson I learnt;
Every girl after that I never gave a chance;
Hurt them before they hurt me so it didn’t last;

Nobody knows the pain inside;
See my smile but not the war in my mind;
Alone at home, tears falling from my eyes;
Contemplating suicide;

Asking God why I’m alive;
Why He never killed me before I arrived;
Never knew peace;
Until I hit the streets;

Drunk and high, just to maintain;
Living life in the fast lane;
Niggas Rollin up on me;
I was white, , considered me a fool, trying rob me;

Been too long in this game, years of street smart;
When they tried, I never spoke;
Just pull a nigga close;
Bust his ass, made a nigga choke;

See in the hood, questions are never asked;
Niggas gave me respect after that;
Though I was light;
They made me one of their own;

Got baptised in the street, nicknamed me “Kribo”;
Used to go to the hood clubs till daylight;
Too dangerous for me my race claimed;
So I was the only white;

Fights broke out all the time;
Never knowing if its my turn to die;
No man alive;
Witnessed struggles that I survived;

Too many close calls;
Fed up and went to church;
2005 got saved;
On mothers day, then baptised;

Must admit pastor lied;
Said from now life would be easy on my heart;
But life just became even more hard;
Niggas of old turned against me;

Suddenly I was an enemy;
No matter how they tried;
Niggas couldn’t end my life;
Gunshots knives and gang fights;

Every one I managed to survive;
So I was forced to give up on the hood;
I missed the street life, was on my own;
Evicted from the place I called home;

Rolling solo, focused on my life;
Blessings from above made niggas envy me;
They never knew,
When you have Gods favour, Heaven follows you;

Was a prince cause Jesus was my king;
Never knew the power of the blessing;
So He sent me the perfect girl;
But I wasn’t ready so I never appreciated her;

She loved me instantly, though I didn’t know her;
Damaged by my past so I hurt her;
She stuck around 2 years with the constant pain;
The day she left I only realised she was a once in a lifetime;

Since she left I ain’t been the same;
I was to blame;
Tried to get her back;
It was too late;

Years passed thought I had life on track;
Forgot about karma and its pay back;
After she left;
Karma came to collect the debt;

Met a new girl so she did me the same;
Finally understood my once in a life time girl’s pain;
Promised to never break any heart again;

Gave up my studies for that first girl who left me in the rain,
Started from the bottom uneducated nigga again;
But God made me a way;
Got the finer things in life even if I still have pain;

I’m still a prisoner within;
Things that happened in the past still control me;
Will this pain ever leave;
My soul like my body wishes to be free;

Mama asks will I change?;
I say yeah;
But its clear i’ll always be the same;
Some pain never leaves;

Impossible to erase these memories;
People think I’m f*cked up cause I hate everyone around me;
Just a shell of who I used to be;

Shut the world out cause even those closest seem to hurt me;
I am what I am before you judge me;
Take time to see where I’m coming from;

Days are short and nights seem long;
Nobody understands where my cold stares come from;
Branded me a cold nigga, an outcast;
Look past my smile and see my troubled past;

Only have one friend in life;
Only nigga who picked me up;
Never see him now days;
I miss my thug;

Zano is his name;
Only nigga who took time to understand my pain;
Though you are far, you remain on my brain;
Wish you was with me today;

Lies stories and alibi’s;
When I needed people the most they put my heart on lay bye;
Claim to have my back;
Why then when I needed them most did they always slide;

Don’t let my smile fool;
I’m hood smart, don’t fight every battle like I used too;
Choose my battles so I never loose;
Don’t push me there is a thug within who wants to be loose;

I know the damage he can do;
I killed niggas for less than the shit you try to;
Been in jail more times you ever knew;
Secrets I choose too keep;

Hood code, taught to never snitch,
My silence is the first clue,
Don’t push me further, nigga i’m a silent assassin
II’l kill you;

My life you never knew,
Chose not to show you,
Cause you will never understand,
Cant embrace another’s pain until you’ve been through the same struggles of another man;

So next time you pass me by;
Remember the words of my troubled life;
Before you judge my cold ways,
Try and endure the struggles that I survived…..

Lord when I die and leave this world behind;

I have one request, could You take me back in time;

I want to see if I never hurt her would she still be mine?;

Or would we have drifted apart anyway regadless if I wasn’t blind;

I feel guilty, I was the cause of her pain;

I’m the reason she was forced to walk away;

Love was never as good since that day;

I want to see if I did it different would our story still end the same;

I know because of her I changed;

She thought you never heard her when she prayed;

But you did answer even if in our time it came a bit late;

She ain’t here anymore to enjoy the answer anyway;

Since her I’ve just never found love the same;

Like an addicts first high;

It’s never as good as the first hit, no matter how hard they try;

Why did You send her while I was still blind;

The combination of her is near impossible to find;

All I ever wanted, Lord infact you blew my mind;

Impossible to replace, I should know cause I’ve tried;

Thought I found it a few times but it was just a lie;

Could you send her back this way please;

Oh wait, she’s already married;

That man was supposed to be me;

I’m over us, I just miss how love once used to feel;

God knows I’ve treated every girl since like Heaven’s only wings;

Still it fails and they up and leave;

If she ain’t the one, then who else could it be;

If I do it all right, then what am I missing;

I long for love and a family;

I’m getting older with time, Lord do You hear me?;

I know you have perfect timing;

But I’m sick of bieng lonely…..

Girl beauty like yours I’ve never seen;

Had a few I called cute but you’re a rare breed;

Without trying or effort you captured my heart instantly;

Just bieng yourself impressed me;

Eyes that penetrate a soul;

A face so pure, surely made from Heavens gold;

Thought girls like you were only found in the fairytales I’ve been told;

When Heaven made you they broke the mould;

All my life where have you been?;

It don’t matter if you’re not into me;

Just the sight of you was like my heart winning the lottery;

So I don’t mind that you’re out of my league;

Angels weren’t meant to love human biengs;

You’re proof that Heaven is not just a bible story;

You reassured my belief;

Maybe Heaven is searching for one that’s missing;

If so, as if threatend by the mafia, I didn’t see a damn thing;

This world lacks perfection, so I want to keep you around for eternity;

So when you catch me staring, I’m trying to locate your angel wings;

So hopefully I’m forgiven?;

You’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen;

The dictionary got it wrong, you’re the true definition of amazing;

So if I doubted Angels exsist, Heaven just sent me a sign;

Funny I’m happy that you may never be mine;

But if the earth ever goes dark at least I’ll know why;

Cause you just stole Heaven’s sunshine……