Archives for December 2013

Lately I have leaving on my mind;

Wanting to return to my birth place in the sky;

Pain and tears I’ve had more than my share and it made me wise;

But I know I’m still young and have a misson that needs completion;

 

So my every move has to be a calculated decision;

Too many people are depending on me to heal their pain within;

That’s why I’m always staying on my grind and never giving in;

I’m writing these poems everyday and late nights just for you, that’s my sole reason;

 

I love all my people and live to set them free;

From all their scars and past memories;

So they can make the best of every breath they have left;

I endured struggles young so I could help the broken and educate the rest;

 

I’m not a king or claiming to be one of the best;

I just wrote God’s exams on life and passed all the tests;

It took me 10 years to finally learn all this;

Time wasted are now daily regrets of past times I can’t get back and  miss;

 

Regrets are a prison within you, I want you all to understand this;

A prison you never escape from and it’s a 25 to life sentence;

Cause you can’t run away from your own soul;

So those regrets follow you wherever you go;

 

This is what parents should do;

Instead of protecting kids from life, tell them the truth;

And teach our youth about the mistakes they made and the pain they’ve been through;

So they can be smarter than life and not be blind youth;

 

We need to educate our kids on the issues of life even if they have school;

So when they meet life they won’t get ran through;

When trials come, cause they will, they will know what to do;

So even though I have leaving on my mind, I’ll endure the pain and tears for the youth;

 

I sacrifice my soul for every one of you, this was never about me, it’s about love and I love all of you.

I’m alone on a playground;

Girl lost in your hometown;

Searching for you but you’re no where to be found;

Are you stilll in love with me?;

 

Like the way you used to be;

Or has the flame dissapeared;

Loosing you was my biggest fear;

I wish I still had your love here;

 

Tears are the only reminder of your memory;

So much time has passed and I’m still stuck;

Haunted by thoughts of us;

I wonder if I ever cross your mind;

 

Or am I alone this time;

I took your love for granted, I wish I loved you right;

Staring at photographs of you and I ;

While tears blur my vision as I cry’

 

The biggest part of my heart walked away;

When I still miss her face;

And those girls around me can’t fulfill this empty space;

Begging God to give me the power to go back in time;

 

To relive the days when you were mine;

I’ve been broken even though I told you I was fine;

When the truth is babygirl I wish you were still mine

Ever since the day we first met I just haven’t been the same;

I fell in love with You because You allowed room for change;

And even if my life’s story is based on mistakes;

Getting saved was the best decision I’ve ever made;

 

It’s not about the start, but it’s about the finish that matters in any race;

Where the world writes me off You give me never ending mercy and grace;

Before I fall You run to my aid;

Without a second thought You part the clouds and never once do You hesitate;

 

The smallest things You do puts the biggest smile on my face;

I’m still trying to change my ways;

Anyone else would have given up on me and thrown me away;

But there You are still changing me stage by stage;

 

I’m a sinful man and refuse to shift the blame;

My sins are the reason You left Your throne and came;

Your depth is far to hard to explain;

Troubles fade just at the mention of Your Name;

 

To see your smile through the sun upon Your face;

Is the reason You’re so easy to praise;

Not a thing I’ve been through would I ever want to change;

So thank You for all the tears, lonely nights and pain;

 

That is the reason You’re so easy to praise.

You are the reason I smile;

You are never too far to hear me cry;

You are my protector so battles I never need to fight;

When darkness creeps in, You are my shining light;

 

You catch my every tear as I cry at night;

You consider them more precious than diamonds that shine twice as bright;

I still fail to understand why I mean so much to Thee;

When all I seem to do is hurt You selfishly;

 

Why would a King leave His throne just to come and rescue someone like me;

I always thought I chose You, when in truth You had me on Your mind that day You died at Calvery;

How everyday You still surprise me with the smallest of things;

You show me love when I don’t deserve a thing;

 

When I have no where to turn, when I am about to loose all hope, there You are;

A crack need only begin to damage my heart and You hear from a far;

Where would I be without You;

That’s why I’m so thankful I’m part of Your chosen few;

 

It blows my mind to think somone cared about a nothing like me;

Someone who gave up their life so eagerly;

Someone who didn’t need too but chose too;

No words could express the depth of love I feel for You;

 

But this You already know;

For this my heart is forever bound to You like two ex-lovers who just can’t seem to let go;

I love You Jesus , I just thought I’d let You know

From my point of view;

You died too soon;

We promised we would pass together;

But you changed your mind and left me in stormy weather;

 

I’m left with the scars;

Sipping on hennessy wondering how you are;

Tried to call but my phone reception doesn’t reach that far;

Thinking back on the hard times in the hood;

 

When surviving was doing whatever we could;

I got out of that lifestyle, but my heart is stuck there searching for you;

I finally made it my nigga, you always told me I would;

Now that I got my share of fame;

 

It feels strange without you on this world’s stage;

Damn nobody even knows I miss you everyday;

Asking God to part the clouds so I could catch a glimpse of your face;

But I know I can’t always get my own way;

 

God has His own plans now matter how much I pray;

Some prayers are ignored even if you have more than enough faith;

There’s so much I didn’t get a chance to say;

Your passing taught me to appreciate everyday as if it were my last;

 

My next breath here could be my first up above;

Yeah it’s true I ain’t concerned that much about finding true love;

There are more important things to worry about;

Tell God I’m trying hard but I need Him to help me out;

 

I know He ain’t pleased about my sins;

But I got to drink to subside this pain within;

Without it I’d find it impossible to live;

I know it’s a weak excuse;

 

But from where you are right living is easy to do;

Down here it’s a constant struggle;

I try to confide in my family but it just causes fights with my mother;

She can’t understand my ways and it frustrates her;

 

She doesn’t know to a soldier she gave birth;

Guess God told you the secrect first;

I can’t let them know until my mission here is complete;

They will just think I lost it and I’ve gone crazy;

 

I just thought I’d holla at you;

And tell you we miss you;

From my point of view, death snatched you too soon;

So rest in peace my nigga Dru

 

Niteman, you were there when nobody gave a damn;

Although you’re my nigga, I consider you more like fam;

You’re like the brother I always wished for but never had;

Us meeting was part of God’s master plan;

 

Although we ain’t blood;

You’re my nigga, my thug;

And Thugs never fall alone;

If you’re in trouble you need only pick up the phone;

 

You might not understand the reasons why;

That’s because I live a private life;

My emotions are hidden like a disguse;

But it’s the small things you did that stopped me from committing suicide;

 

Because of you, my words will change the world and impact our youth;

Instead of them praising me they should be thanking you;

That’s why on this stage of fame;

When they introduce me, I’ll call your name;

 

You’re the reason I never gave up and I’m alive today;

You showed me what true friendship is and it’s hard to find;

I’ve tried but those around me just pretend and lie;

Friends like you are the reason people like me rise;

 

I’ll never leave your side;

If I pass before you and it’s my time;

I’ll be waiting for you at heaven’s gates to welcome you inside;

Nigga’s for life until the end of time

 

Girl I’ve been there so I understand your pain;

Lonely nights full of memories can drive you insane;

Wondering why love did you this way;

Trust me you’ll be okay;

 

Time doesn’t heal, even though that’s what they claim;

You’ll have to face each memory before it will fade;

There is no escape;

No matter how far you run away;

 

Stuck inside your self, death row sentenced everyday;

God plans everything, even those things we consider mistakes;

You learn from every single one you make;

Tears are the lessons we learn whenour hearts break;

 

I can see behind that smile, yes the one hiding your frown;

Keep your head up, a heart is always harder to break the second time around;

He will get back all the pain, karma always returns the favour when people let you down;

I wish I could live the misery you face right now;

 

I can heal a broken heart, I know how;

You will find a man who’s been where you are;

That will cherish your heart;

But you have to learn to let go of the past;

 

Heal within so you can start to forget;

Or love will fail with every attempt;

I’ve been down this road too many times to count;

I know about fear, regret and doubt;

 

Take my hand I want to help you out;

I don’t want to take advantage of your broken heart;

I want to give you a brand new start;

Everybody makes mistakes;

 

But I can help you find an escape;

It’s never too late;

Just listen to what I have to say;

You have nothing to loose anyway;

 

Let me show you the way;

See I’ve worn that same expression on my face;

So I can relate;

I understand your pain

You were my very first love;

Who knew after bieng years apart I’d still miss us;

Even though you hurt me so;

And I was forced to let you go;

 

I still don’t know why we fell apart;

Was it mine or your fault;

We are now just distant friends;

When I wish we could be more again;

 

When we meet by chance I have to pretend;

That I’m fine since you left;

When in truth memories flood my mind whenever I hear “Never Gonna Leave Your Side”, by Daniel Beddingfield;

I remember buying you that cd;

 

Never thinking a month later you would leave me;

People say I could do much better;

But they never loved you so I don’t care;

Your personality is one of a kind;

 

Can’t seem to find another like it, girl I’ve tried;

Life experience has made me wise;

Wish we could meet again and I could erase me from your mind;

And we could have another try;

 

I know we can make it work this time;

You feel different;

I tried so many times to change your mind but you refused to listen;

You have the qualities of a mother, most work to earn in a lifetime you were born with it;

 

I always complimented you on this;

It’s the little things you did that I miss;

I wish things didn’t end like it did;

I should have left you alone when you said we were through;

 

But I was young, you were my first and only love so I never knew;

I thought by chasing after you;

Would show you my love for you is true;

I should have walked away;

 

Maybe you would have come back someday;

We were both young, foolish mistakes we both made;

Both of us were to blame;

No matter who I loved my love for you never changed;

 

Nothing could extinguish this flame;

In my heart you still remain;

Although I don’t call as much as I used too;

It’s only because you made it clear you don’t feel like I do;

 

Chasing faded love would only make me a fool;

Even though I play it off and act cool;

Like I’m over me and you;

I still love you;

 

7.11.84, you are still the one my heart beats for;

I may not show it, but I wish yours would be the next call;

Even if I’m sure you don’t feel anything for me anymore;

I’m pushing pride aside and I’m letting you know you still have the key to my hearts door;

 

I never knew love until I loved 7.11.84

 

People can’t understand my cold ways;

So let me take a moment to explain;

Bullet holes in my soul left me tattared and scarred;

I trusted those I kept close and they betrayed my heart;

 

The lies they fed me was the underlying cause;

Nigga’s I considered brother’s were backstabbers and pretenders,it’s their fault;

Mamma keeps asking will I ever change;

I say yeah but it’s clear I’ll always be the same;

 

She lost her little boy, I can see the sadness in her eyes;

Her mind flooded with questions of why;

Not even her fault but she ended up with the consequences;

All because of the enemies that I once called friends;

 

Lately I trust no one and respect few;

Nobody seems to understand my point of view;

They say I’m heartless and don’t care;

They avoid me in fear of my cold stare;

 

I never chose this, life’s just unfair;

I’m not asking for sympathy;

Now it’s far too late for you to care about me;

I’m a result of cursed seed;

 

Just another thug nigga raised by the street;

I ain’t mad, it’s what made me;

I took all the bullshit and flipped it for my benifit;

I took the curses and turned them to blessings;

 

If I could I wouldn’t change a thing;

The friends I met along the way;

Are the few that made the dark days easier to take;

So to my dogg’s I salute you for never walking away;

 

No I don’t need a book full of friends to be happy;

I know who I am and I ain’t afraid to be lonely;

It’s safer to ride solo;

People can’t be trusted, most are selfish and cold;

 

So i’d rather be on my own;

Nigga’s who threw me aside and regarded me a nothing;

Now hitting me up trying to be my best friend;

I got one question, Where were you when I need you back then?;

 

Now that I’ve made it;

You want to be my associate;

But it’s too late;

You should have seen my potential before you chose to underestimate;

 

You thought you broke me and that I’d never rise;

But you only bruised me and opened up my eyes;

You were my motivation;

The pain you caused me is now my inspiration;

 

I thought I needed you just to survive;

When it was you who tried to end my life;

Nigga’s I called friends tried to jack me;

So fuck peace, you chose to be my enemy;

 

Those who don’t understand my cold ways;

I’m a result of someone who was betrayed;

So before you judge me by the cold stares on my face;

Take time to understand the reasons I’ve just explained

Since the first day we met and locked eyes;

I knew you were going to change my life;

Beauty like yours I still have to find;

Such perfection I’ve never seen and it blew my mind;

 

You stole away the morning star’s shine;

I couldn’n’t believe you were mine;

You were so out of my league;

But yet you fell for me;

 

What do you do when you aren’t ready for God’s blessing;

He answered my prayers when He sent you, an answer I wasn’t expecting;

I was so used to waiting;

I thought God stopped listening;

 

When we started dating I was expecting another dissapointment;

I prepared myself for another heart break;

That’s why I never gave you my heart right away;

I was on the defensive just in case;

 

No matter how you tried, you couldn’t get me to fall in love the same;

Plus I was still damaged and a prisoner of my yesterdays;

I didn’t want to tell you in fear of you walking away;

I couldn’t rise from one more heart break;

 

I tried to make it work but my heart was in another place;

Instead of love I hurt you and left tear stains on your face;

Crying to God, pleading for Him to help me change;

You couldn’t understand why I was doing you that way;

 

I wasn’t sure myself, I was broken with and just trying to subside the pain;

Slowly our love started to fade;

You held on out of sympathy and through the hurt stayed;

You knew about my past and you didn’t want to do me the same;

 

Until it got too much and you walked away;

I admit you took my heart with you that cold march day;

I tried to get you back but I managed to push you further away;

It’s been years since and I’ve never heart another girl again;

 

Didn’t want to miss another angel like you just in case she came my way;

God heard your cries for me to change;

I’ve become who you wanted me to be back in the day;

Change came even if It came too late;