Archives for January 27, 2014

I’ve Always Loved You

I’m sorry I ever broke your precious heart,
And your innocent soul I tore apart;
But girl I never knew;
The one that God made for me was you;

How I took for granted your love everyday;
And now i miss that love struck look upon your face;
I never knew one day you’d ever walk away;
Or that I’d realise how much I loved you since that first day;

I miss you so much it’s more than the truth;
Or that the only love I’d never ever forget would be you;
No words could express how I feel inside;
I love you even more than before, although so much time has passed, I miss you being by my side;

Regrets like memories haunt me everyday within my mind;
I wish you knew girl how much I need you here tonight;
Maybe back then I should have made it clear;
Guess you never knew how much I really needed your love here;

I treated you so bad;
I blame it on all the past love I’ve had;
I know it was unfair towards you;
But I was just another blind fool;

But now that I realise a love like yours is so hard to find;
I wish I could love you just one more time;
Girl im so sorry for all those foolish lies;
That you pretended to believe but knew the truth all the time;

Now you’re so far away;
And you’ve found another man and reality has become a nightmare im forced to face;
God and I have this argument almost everyday;

Why was I so blind when He chose to send you my way;
I wish I did right by you;
Cause every girl since have been simple substitutes;
Trying to replace a love that they never could;

In other words girl I still miss you;
Things I never did or said when we were together, things that exposed the truth;
And the truth was that I’ve always loved you;
I wish you knew


Seven sins, seven deaths, seven possibilities.
Seven ways of hate and seven ways of suffering.

Seven lies, seven judges, seven fallen angels.
Constant sadness, daily, always, never ever fails.

Seven sins that cause hurt and pain and maybe even death.
Seven demons laugh and torture me never put to rest.

Illuminate (An Apology)

Surrounded be your love, I feel like I can conquer anything.
Surrounded by your love I feel whole again.
Surrounded by broken shards of glass, without your guidance they pierce me.
Without you, they kill me.

The glass draws me out.
Drawing me out into a more familiar land.
A land that makes no sense.
A desolate, chaotic land.
Chaotic yet familiar.


It becomes a part of me.
It became who I am.
A way of life to which I knew no different.

As easy as the chaos seems, I search for meaning.
I search for something.
Around you the chaos eased and I felt real.
I felt that for the first time I was truly alive.
That for the first time I meant something real to someone.

I didn’t have to hide and for the first time this darkness wasn’t over me.


Addicted to your presence.
Addicted to the clarity you brought me.
Addicted to you.


Within me lies a weakness.
My inability to give up my familiarity.
I am unable, unable to become what you need me to be.


I can’t lose you.
Can’t lose all the silly combinations, where if one is missing the other makes no sense.


I lost my way.
I become the person you despise the most.

I became the thing I despise the most.
I became the person I prayed I never would, promised I would never be, with you.

I am unfixable, I thought you were my revelation.


A darkness now clouds me, more than ever before.
And I am lost. Lost more than ever before. T
o break a person I love, as much as I have you, kills me.
To hurt you, when I promised myself I never would, when I promised you I never would, destroys me.
I will never forgive myself.


Disappointed because I could be what you needed me to be.
Disappointed with myself.
As hard as I tried to change, I was too weak.
Too weak. Ashamed.

An ending.

To leave.
To break this bond.
To break us.
In a way I never knew was possible.
An inevitable event.

I long to be the person you need.

I wish it could be me.

To save you from pain, I removed myself.
To save you from more pain, I removed myself.

I tried being a better person.
You deserve better.
You deserve better than this.
Better than me.

I long to be with you.
I long to be part of you.

I want to change.
I want to be better, stronger.
I want to be everything you need me to be.

I’m just sorry that I couldn’t be…