Archives for January 2014

Bitter Treat

Behind her eyelids she hears voices fighting each other
Without a pause in her silence.
Her silence shares noises of lightning and thunder
Without her causing the violence.
The violence had spread poisons biting her under-
Her brown and sore skin divided.
Divided by bad choices; ‘Why did my father-
Rip out and force me for my things’.
Now there are no chords for her violin,
No doors for her hiding
Nor the law is abiding.

In the core of his thieving self and unsober mind,
Lies demons wicked in unheard degrees.
Degrees always giving wealth to a dark road of crime
Unlike seasons that withered without burning trees.
His trees form an unbreathing realm where the sun is overnight.
With visions injured, he doubts their certainties.
His certainties know no children’s health but loafers’ fun.
She wishes women wizards could come and serve him tea.
And that death occurs in he
Or her death is bursting free
From this man-made adversity.

After mother died, it was father’s pride.
When others pry with wonders, whys –
A lonely widower is underlined.
His dignity is now one defined as castle light.
A frustrated tool with hating moods –
With statements due from men in hoods
And instead of cool he passes through –
To the gal in you to test his fuel.

She’s barely grown with belly blown.
She carries loads, him and his bone.
She has no friends, he cares so less.
She can’t confess, he gets so mad.
She’s dripping red, his sleeping bed.
She isn’t fed; he’s sipping ‘bread’.
She whips it out, he screams he shouts.
She’s feeling ouch, he’s filled with fouls.

Her unborn dies, his son from lies.
Her gun drawn eyes , his non-stop sign.
He drinks his actions, she seeks protection.
He breathes aggression, she breathes but lessened.
He kicks, he bashes, she licks the patches.
He beats, he lashes, she’s weak, and she’s ashes.
His daughter’s eyes are slowly dying.
He orders her life but no reply.
He calls her twice but she’s cold as ice.

Their borderline is crossed with lying,
But their world and mine are both combined.

If I was a thought

If I was a thought I would choose to sail –
On the shallow seas of young minds that loose and fail,
Confined by confinement; in a prisoner’s shoes in jail.
Minds accused to ail as patients of eternal sickness in abuse’s tale.
 
If I was a thought I would choose to be planted –
Root-deep and fertilized in the mentally – bruised and demented
And refuse to leave centred the power of a foreign enemy
Exchanging blows with false reality close to falling sanity
 
If I was a thought I would build sacred temples –
Within souls where hatred settles as the devil’s naked samples.
In your grey thinking matter I’d give rise to vagrant rebels.
 
If I was a thought in blindness’ mind I’d cry for support
To rearrange the purpose of chaos in the life that we have got.
 
If I was a thought I’d fill holes in empty places –
Where colds roam through broken windows to kill souls of angry faces.
 
If I was a thought I’d be no accidental idea-
Built on luck and co incidence, harassed and strangled by fear
But a self- mental pioneer;
A thought of revolution’s emotions in motion to settle right here.
(Pointing to the head)
 

Always Be The Same

Reflecting on mistakes I’ve made in my mind;

Looking out my window asking God if I could rewind time;

So I could relive my childhood days before they faded away;

And enjoy the time I took for granted in my younger days;

 

Before stress was a part of my every day;

And before death was a wish sent on a prayer addressed to Heavens gates;

If I knew life would be this hard;

I’d have thought twice before making mistakes;

 

I got all I want but nothing that I need;

I am a man who was destined to fail but managed to succeed;

I have experienced the luxuries most beg to have;

And lived the life most wish they had;

 

But money and fame don’t fulfil a heart’s empty space;

Love damaged me and now I’m a man full of doubt come what may;

Begging the Lord for change, on my knees at night as I pray;

Tears stains burnt into my face;

 

My mother looks at me in hopes that I’d change;

But it’s clear I’ll always be the same

 

Trade It All

Lately I have death on my mind;

Wondering if the next name God will call is mine;

If so I’m in trouble, my life’s full of sin and I’m scared of that judgement line;

People claim I’m saved so I’ll be just fine;

 

But they don’t know that I’ve lived my life as a thug and I will until the end of time;

It’s too late to change now, I know cause I’ve tried;

Things I thought I shook still haunt me like every night;

To be honest, I’m sick of this endless fight;

 

If I knew being saved was this hard, nigga I’d have thought twice;

It ain’t about not loving God or any disrespect;

It’s about being real and being sick of all this shit;

Troubles haunt me as if I was fame;

 

At night lay awake, trying to subside my mind while I’m going insane;

Sipping Hennessy in hopes to subdue this pain;

I could lie;

And say I’m all good and life’s just fine;

 

But I’d only be fooling myself in the end;

Scars of the past are still real even If I pretend;

My broken heart’s still in pieces even If it seems like it’s whole;

My smile hides the darkness that consumes my soul;

 

I play life like a poker game, I bluff as if I’m about to win, when my hand is destined to fold;

I can’t see where I’m going cause today seems so dark;

I can’t look back to where I’ve come from because it’s littered with scars;

I don’t know how I even made it this far;

 

People think my life’s all good and I’m just ungrateful every day;

What they would give to enjoy the essence of fame;

Nigga I’d trade it for peace of mind any day;

If you knew the truth;

You see that fame is a curse;

 

If I could I’d trade it to go back to my birth;

With the wisdom I have now, just so I could undo all this undeserved hurt….

And she ran…

And she ran…
From the poverty that she lived through,
Climbing her way to the top, hours of non-stop work for the security.
She ran from the stepmother who hated her like her dead mother,
And her father who used her like his wife.
Getting far away from the place that reminded her of her nightmares,
Tears, fears and pain,
From adults, children and animals.
While running, she threw off the name that made them hate her,
Cut off the hair they pulled and got rid of the clothes too.
Alone but not lonely,
Her tormenting memories finally running from her too.
By running she made herself free, safe and happy,
And she ran.

Again

You said the words “I Love You”, when you knew it wasn’t true;

You said you would come see me sometime girl, but you never do;

I tried to play it off, as if I misunderstood;

See, my past has taught me never to assume;

But actions never lie, I made you my queen girl, but you made me your fool;

 

Looking back girl I wish I knew;

That you’d be playing with my heart while I was loving you;

I can’t see into the future, so these scars are lessons learnt along the way;

I could say life is unfair, but these are just the choices I’ve made;

 

Life is not like those fairy tale stories, you can’t undo past mistakes;

All you can do is learn along the way;

I could say I wish we never met or that I never approached you that day;

But I’ll still remain in the same place, nothing would change;

 

So instead I thank God I did, even If it sounds strange;

Hear me out, give me a moment to explain;

Because of girls like you, I’m wiser than I was yesterday,

No girl would ever get another chance to run that same game;

 

Will that erase the pain you caused, never days;

But I’ll be wiser when another bitch slides my way;

I’ll see them same signs and when she greets I’ll just lift my middle finger, turn around and walk away;

Sounds cold, but as God as my witness I refuse to be hurt again.

 

My Bad

My bad girl I admit you got the best of me;

Your shady ways had my mind decieved;

But I ain’t really concerned;

I learnt through the bridges you burnt;

 

Your ways will backfire on your shady ass one day;

Karma will take revenge for the tears you burned upon my face;

You’ll look back and regret it someday;

Lies you fed me and I gave you the benifit of the doubt;

 

Believed them throughout;

I’m to blame I have the tendancy to fall for them bad girls;

Guess I am the reason I’m hurt;

It’s always been the case;

 

You weren’t the first bitch that did me this way;

And you probably won’t be the last;

Because of girls like you I’m wiser cause of my past;

So girl, I ain’t mad;

 

Life’s a gamble, you gots to loose sometimes to become a better man;

My wife I’m sure will thank you one day for breaking my heart;

I’ve learnt what it feels like to be torn apart;

I’ll never do the same to another girl again;

 

You never understand another’s struggled until you’ve endured the same pain;

So in hindsight I’m glad you did me that way;

Your pain inspired me to write these words and they propelled me into fame;

I just pray you never come my way again;

 

I can’t promise I won’t also run game;

And pretend to love you when I don’t feel the same;

That’s how you once did me;

I’m saved, yes, but I still have the nature of a human bieng;

 

I know I shouldn’t take revenge because of my yesterday;

But fuck that, one day God will judge me and then I’ll pay;

Now I admit I ain’t filled with hate;

Just regret for the fool of me you made;

 

I’m real and I will take my revenge if Karma allows me that fortune one day;

You’re an A Grade ho, that’s all I am going to say;

I feel sorry for the next fool who comes your way;

I’d warn him but you’re too fast, it’ll be too late;

 

He’d think I’m just after you again;

But in the pain you left me, I found the way to stage of fame;

I endured all this undeserved pain;

One day you’ll recall our yesterdays;

 

And wonder why you hurt the answer God sent to you all those lonely nights with tears you prayed;

But know this girl, I’ll never come back your way again;

Pain made me wise, my heart will never allow you to run the same game;

Before you ever call me, know if you do it’s too late and to you  I will do the same….

 

On My Mind

Girl I gots you on my mind;

Dreamt of you again last night;

Us bieng a part, yes it’s been for quite a while;

But this morning I woke up with that naughty smile of mine;

 

The one that was wiped away when you left my side;

For all you did to me girl, know this truth;

I’m not mad at you;

True love, I’ve learnt keeps no record of wrong;

 

I’ve felt this way ever since you’ve been gone;

My feelings never changed, they are just as strong;

Time could never erase what we had;

Love is not an emotion but a choice to endure through times of good and bad;

 

It’s not that I’m still stuck on us;

I’m just an honest man, like I always was;

I’ve made mistakes that cannot be undone;It’s the consequences of bieng unexperienced in love and bieng young;

 

If I had the power to go back in time, without a second thought girl I would;

Just to have another chance to love you;

But no matter how I pray, it’s just something I don’t have the power to do;

My heart still cries a river that leads to you;

 

Life has changed and you’re no longer here;

And loosing you was always my biggest fear;

You are and will always be that one that got away;

God knows If I could;

 

I’d erase the me that you once knew;

So we could meet again and we could start brand new;

But these are only wishes of mine that will never come true;

And my biggest wish is just to love that girl I once knew, that girl is you

Kirsten, If Only You Knew

Alone in my room listening to Mario Vasquez – “Gallery”;

Girl, everytime I hear that song it takes me back in memory;

2007, when you made the choice to love me;

When my heart was stuck on someone else and I pretended to feel the same as you;

 

Now I see how foolish I was as I count back the years;

Oh how I wish I had this wisdom back then so I could reverse all your tears;

But I was too young and failed to see;

You were all I ever needed, my disguised blessing;

 

I pray God gives you my mind for just a little while;

So you can see that these words are from my heart and not just another lie;

That I really do love you and your heart sees the truth before my demise;

Damn, my heart fell when you found someone new and then got married;

 

I wish I could go back and show you, i’m so sorry;

All I need God to do, is take me back to the day I first met you;

With the things I know today;

Cause If He did I’d appreciate you and never let your love slip away;

 

Aish and looking back, girl nobody ever loved me as much as you;

But I played the game but I forgot the rules;

I paid the price and the ultimate price was loosing you;

Time has moved on but I’ve never loved the same;

 

I keep wishing I could reverse the days;

As every moment I hurt you like a broken record replays;

But you showed me what true love was;

And now I know what too look out for;

 

Even if I’m still looking out for you;

When my heart, soul and mind knows, never again will I ever get the chance to love another you;

Yet every year I ask God to give me the same birthday present;

“I want another chance with her Lord, Why was I so blind” Amen as I send my prayer request;

 

And even if I hate on you and act cold, girl know I’m full of pride and I just pretend;

I only relaised I loved you the day you told me our love has come to an end;

I fight with you today, cause I love you too much and can’t just be just another friend;

Truth is, If God said I could have anything in this world, my only wish would be to have one more chance to love that angel He named “Kirsten”

Last Christmas

Last year Christmas, how could I forget, girl you were still mine;

A year has gone by and you’re still heavy on my mind;

Cloudy days since have stolen my sunshine;

Ever since I haven’t been able to wear a smile;

 

Do I ever invade your dreams sometimes;

I wake up often with tears in my eyes;

Wishing my dreams were real,cause babygirl I want to love you just one more time;

So I lay my heart under your Christmas tree;

 

Hoping that the next gift you open is me;

You haven’t called me since that cold January day;

The realization sets in that you’ve never felt the same;

Asking myself if you never loved me then why did you pretend?;

Why lead me on when you knew love had already come to an end;

I miss taking you out and spoiling you, just to see that beautiful smile;

I won’t lie I miss your kiss from time to time;

And I know I should be over you by now;

 

But life isn’t fair or so I’ve found out;

My heart misses you and this silence in my room at night is so loud;

I miss the one that got away;

And girl that one just happens to bear your name